Before we move forward with tonight’s yet to be nominated Pulitzer Prize piece of penmanship I’ve got to rant. When is this Jason Marquis experiment for the Reds going to end? Please, the guy is a journeyman has pretty much sucked everywhere he’s played. He’s terrible it’s going to be the death of Hammy if something doesn’t happen. I don’t care that he has three wins this year we scored like 799 runs in those games. Kicking butt in spring training against future minor league players does not make you an effective Major League pitcher. We’ve got some decent young arms let’s give them a shot. Endeth the rant after watching a moon shot leave for a quick 3-0 deficit. Back to regular scheduled blogging. Hold on Hammy was attempting throw vodka bottles at the T.V., that’s all I need right now is to have to get a new television.
It’s Friday evening and my social agenda is packed full tonight of laundry, Reds baseball, and social media. Don’t be jealous loyal reader its cost me over 8,000 grand to attain such a lofty status and I’m probably not done spending yet. Who needs “da” club to be entertained I’ve got vacation destination New Albany, Indiana and some of the finest weather this area has seen in a long time. My cologne of choice tonight is deep woods Off (it’s a lady killer trust me if your name is Mary mosquito), as we are sitting on the patio taking in the sounds of chirping birds, screaming kids, the occasional 1996 Ford Ranger colored in primer and bondo playing their zillion dollar sound system way to high, and with any luck before the night is over I’ll get to hear another domestic dispute. Just a regular neighborhood block party.
Let’s talk about the neighborhood, I have no neighbor as cool as my old neighbor (this was written before I was divorced) but she’s another grandma to Sloane now. To my immediate right is Joe ex-cop. Joe ex-cop is a nice guy, older fella who patrols his 15 or so bird feeders constantly on his little scooter. The rest of the time is spent sitting on his front porch and taking in anything suspicious. Older neighbors are the best. He always waves when he sees me and always has police men visiting him. This is a good thing.
To my left is Cheri the former bad ass. She is older also and has as much ink as today’s youth. When she was a youth I’m pretty sure chicks with tattoos wasn’t nearly as passé as it is now. She has a big boxer that patrols her fenced in yard and barks at crickets, airplanes, earthworms, really haven’t figured out what he doesn’t bark at. Cheri also has a smoking hot granddaughter but she doesn’t visit nearly enough. Come to think of it I don’t visit my grandmother nearly enough. Fortunately for Cheri her lifelong best friend of 60 plus years lives down the road. Lydia is always walking over to Cheri’s as they have planned dinners and TV shows they watch together. She gets the biggest kick out of watching Sloane ride her bike around in the neighborhood and is always telling me “To keep on fighting for her” she’s divorced (Cheri never married) and watched her son go through something similar to me so she’s very sympathetic. The C & L express get leftover desserts sometimes and are solid neighbors.
Lydia lives next to the neighborhood bombshell. Single mom with adolescent son, and built like a brick shithouse. I don’t know her name because I would probably turn into a 13 year old geeky boy trying to talk to the homecoming queen if I tried. She and her baby daddy always seem to argue on pick up-drop off. I can relate to that maybe that’s my in! She’s constantly working in her yard and waves every time I walk by pounding the pavement to the greatest hits of Katy Perry and now Avril Lavigne. We will calll her Mrs. No Chance in Hell but easy on the eyes. My neighbor two doors down not too shabby either but she’s taken.
And finally there is Mr. Nosy, directly across the street from me, but always up in my junk. Very nice elderly couple but a five minute meet and greet turns into a trial of the century cross examination. Always finding a reason to come and talk to me and then asking way too many questions the guy is rather annoying. His wife is sweet as can be, he is NOSY. Evidently he is a local legend for being such a nosy rosy as I’ve had many area people tell me they try to avoid him anywhere they see him.
There are other neighbors I talk with some but these are the most relevant ones, it’s one big happy community the one thing is though they all know I’m the single dad with the beautiful daughter and even the annoying neighbor is always asking about how she is doing when she isn’t here. I had ten years with my old neighborhood so they don’t quite stack up to those folks yet, but trust me NOBODY compared in the looks department to Mrs. No Chance in Hell even my co-habitant in the old place.
Back to Jason Marquis, it’s now 6-1 and he’s out of the game, Hammy is intentionally running into a wall to hopefully knock himself out because he can’t drink the vodka fast enough. Now it’s into the Reds bullpen that would drive a bishop to drinking, long story short the Reds are going back to .500 tonight. In other news no date Sunday it has been cancelled by her because women are crazy she is overwhelmed in life right now and not ready to date. She sought me out so I guess she this is a blessing in disguise. No big deal, I wasn’t heartbroken or anything, next batter up. I get enough of this online dating stuff under my belt I might be able to write the funniest dating post of all time. Stay tuned loyal reader but for now I have to save a hamster from himself and catch up on my social media. Welcome to my single Friday nights!