Bottoms Up Bash 2016

That guy had no idea he was in the presence of the owner of the biggest website to hit the net since youtube.com!

It was epic, it was extraordinary, but most of it all it was fun!  I’m not talking about that one time at band camp; instead I’m referring to the Bottoms Up Bash fundraiser for the Colon Cancer Prevention Project.  Miss Madison and I went all “high society” for the evening, donning our Sunday best for the occasion.  She got to see firsthand why I gave up my budding career in dance class instruction, and I got to walk around with the prettiest girl in the room.

Guess who found a discounted dress for my super date?

Instead of taking the company limo out for the evening, Miss Madison and I went the Uber route for transportation.  It was my first time ever using the App, but it will not be my last.  Seventeen freaking bucks round trip that would normally be around $70.00 if we took Captain Clyde’s Cab Service.  Don’t let whack jobs in Kalamazoo, MI scare you off of this amazing service.  As a bonus, one of our chauffeurs was a small business owner herself, and Miss Madison might have landed her a gig in this neck of the woods for a future festival here.  I have no earthly idea how these Uber drivers make any money, but it’s much better than a regular cab service that is more concerned about the meter running than actually getting from point A to point B.

Super cool lady, uses her Uber gig as a way to network her business.

The Bash was a top notch production from the word go.  The only gripe I had with it was the band.  There is a reason Ed Sheeran and Katy Perry and all those artists live in houses as big as a city block.  They are good at what they do; stick to the songs you can actually cover.  Whatever the band charges to play a gig, I think next year it would probably do better to hire a top-rated DJ, and let him or her run the entertainment part of the event.  Cockroaches were running for cover (pun intended) listening to them botch song after song!  Besides DJ’s should do all of these events; I didn’t get to rock it out to the Village People or perform my rendition of the Electric Slide.  I’m feeling slightly cheated by this!

The best part about being at an event where some of the people actually have more money than sense is watching the “working” girls.  Kentuckian, if I have to explain that one to you, I’ve lost all hope in you.  Watching these girls perform their magic on unsuspecting johns is a science!  Old guy who couldn’t get a date at a women’s prison, there is a reason Ms. 20 something is showing you all this new found attention.  Thankfully there were no “get a room” moments while we were in attendance, but a couple of guys are probably trying to figure out where their dignity went this weekend.

Not sure who these two worked for, but they should do an expose on “working” girls!

I would be remiss if I didn’t give a shout out to the good folks at Cheerwine.  Where has this stuff been all my life!  This is the equivalent to liquid crack. If I can find this heavenly concoction in fountain drink form my love affair with Diet Dr. Pepper will be a quick break up!  The kind Cheerwine rep hooked Miss Madison and I up with mementos for the kids and I hopefully have found a new business partner.  Coming soon-Madison, Indiana the Midwest distribution center for Cheerwine LLC!

Sloane and the gang are going to love their new lanyards and stickers!

  

Miss Madison may have picked up a modeling gig!

The event raised almost 10K for Colon Cancer research between online donations and a silent auction.  By far the most expensive and neatest silent auction I’ve ever been a part of.  My $50.00 bid for a Key West vacation package would have been one of life’s greatest upsets, but by the time it got to over 1400 beans, I didn’t have enough functioning organs left to sell off to stay in the running.  All kidding aside, area business leaders really stepped it up on donations, and if I had a little more cabbage in my coffers, I would have loved to actively bid on a few things.

Miss Madison bidding on rare art work from the Byzantine Empire or looking up ways to make someone disappear.

I tried to win this and resell it to the legion of zombie Cub fans for 20 times the face value, but alas there must have been a few crazy Cub fans in attendance.

Amazingly the Rick Pitino autographed basketball went for less than the John Calipari autographed basketball.

I’ve enjoyed working with the Colon Cancer Prevention Project from day one.  Their 5K walk last year was more organized than the numbers game in Sicily (and rumor has it that is pretty well organized racket), Being a member on the southern Indiana committee has opened me up to opportunities I never knew existed and has definitely educated me on how preventable this crap disease is.  Go get a colonoscopy people!  If you are 50 years and older, or have a history of Colon Cancer in your family, take your ass (no-pun intended) to the doctor!

Yes, you are going to feel violated, but you get to sleep through the whole thing!  Who doesn’t like a little more shut-eye anyway?  This little procedure doesn’t cause your hair to fall out or make you throw up violently like chemotherapy, and it costs roughly half of what one chemo treatment does.  Colon cancer is one of the most treatable if caught early, but that takes some effort on your part!  I look forward to a camera being shoved up my butt about as much as I look forward to another attorney bill, but I don’t look forward to going through cancer treatment just because I was too lazy to get myself screened.

About it for now, I’m already counting down the days until next year’s Bottoms Up Bash.  With Major League Baseball’s spring training in full swing now, I’m off to piss off as many Cubs fans as I can on social media, and I need to contact area leaders about a Cheerwine distribution facility.