A Legendary Night!

In case you are wondering this is not my front yard.

In case you didn’t know, it’s no small secret that watching men with big heavy bats swat little round spheres all over well-manicured lawns is one of my favorite sports.  So, this Monday I thought “what the hell,” let’s head off to horse country affectionately known as Lexington, Kentucky for a riveting Class A ball tilt between the Lexington Legends and the Greenville Drive.  Like this 40-year-old dude has nothing better to do after a long day at the office than drive 90 minutes one way to watch a bunch of 18-22 year old men chase a dream.  

I’m pretty sure the Kentucky Transportation Department is going to demand I start paying my fair share in road taxes.

As much as I love baseball, it’s going to take more than the idea of ballpark nachos on Monday night to have me traveling that far to watch a game.  Unless…….my beautiful daughter and her classmates are singing the national anthem for the home team.  Excuse me boss, do you think I can cut out a little early?  I’ve got to do some scouting for future Boston Red Sox and Kansas City Royals prospects plus I get to spend some bonus time with my daughter!

It doesn’t get any hokier than Minor League baseball!

We now interrupt this post for yet another adventure in my yet unreleased novel, “Co-Parenting:  It’s A Woman’s World, I Just Live in It.”  I may need to tweak that title since I know of plenty of women that co-parent pretty damn well.  Since communication about school events regarding Sloane have been an issue for two years now, I was told to follow the world leader in school communications, aka the school’s Facebook page, by the freaking principal!  Now as many of you know, you could post/follow something on Facebook and it might be next January before it shows up on your Facebook feed.  Last Monday morning though, the baseball gods had a plan for me to meet with my daughter that evening as I saw this scroll across my feed:

Weird, I would have thought Sloane’s mother would have told me about this one.

Strange, that is the first “concrete” date I had heard of this event.  Sloane had mentioned a future National Anthem singing in the future but had nary an idea of when. I immediately sprang into action with a text message to my daughter’s mother also known as my ex-wife, and the other 500 words she goes by in my lexicon.  What I got was a response of good ole fashioned frontier gibberish and what a bull excretes after eating too much feed.

Flummoxed by the response and now my Spidey senses have kicked it up to “The Green Goblin is near” mode on this obvious dung of an answer since Sloane has told Miss Madison and I she wanted to participate.  Well, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention I fixed the communication loophole with school (except with the principal, I guess when the school board and superintendent put you on standby you get a little chafed), but Sloane’s wonderful teacher keeps me apprised of everything going on so I sent her an email asking what the deal was and if Sloane would be participating.  She responded immediately to let me know Sloane was dressed and mucho excited to show off her pipes singing Francis Scott Key’s greatest hit.  Worth mentioning after all of this day long drama, Sloane only had one parent at the game and I don’t live 20 minutes away.

I owe her teacher a bushel of apples or some of the finest wine from Napa Valley, because before the day was over she even informed me when she learned what section the students would be sitting in.  Between some other drama going on at school (nothing Sloane nor I can’t handle for now) and this, there will be an official letter going to the superintendent and the school board about how wonderful Sloane’s fourth grade teacher is.  I pay it forward when I’m able to, and what school administration wouldn’t be proud to know one of their own got a five-star rating from a blogger?  That’s better than a letter of commendation from the Department of Education…..right?

After all that I threw on the super dad cape in the phone booth at the local gas station and it was off to Lexington, KY for baseball, my daughter, and more fun for two hours than that time I hit five winners on Derby Day last year.  Dudes, if you overcome this obvious charade of misinformation and don’t “Dad the F Up” then I’m calling you out at the next Divorce Force club meeting for being a selfish bastard yourself.

Divorced dads, this is what a surprise drop in looks like!  Made the whole damn day of lies and misinformation worth it!  Black box is because the internet is a crazy place and I don’t need some whack-a-mole knowing where the blonde bomber goes to school!

I’ve never been to a South Atlantic League Class A baseball game before.  To say I would go back is an understatement!  I felt like an extra during filming of Bull Durham at times.  The atmosphere is more laid back than a stoner convention, the staff knows everybody by name, and watching a pack of young men and women feel like the stars of the show for one night was priceless.  I estimated the attendance to be around 150 with Sloane’s delegation making up 30% of that.  I’m sure on a Monday night in Lexington there are more pressing things to do like read the latest Big Blue Nation blog post or emptying your spittoon, but damn I need to get with the media relations department of the Lexington Legends and maybe have my upcoming bachelor party there.

I hope that when Tim Tebow rolls into to town later this season they draw at least 500 attendees.  I’ve seen more people at a local school board meeting.

While Sloane and the gang were in line to cash in on their concession stand vouchers, this striving ballpark tour guide took that time to make his way over every inch of this yard.  Whitaker Bank Ballpark is damn cool is the final verdict.  Quaint, cozy, and they even have a bar and deck so you can break bread with the home team bullpen pitchers.  I’m sure every Tuesday on dollar beer night there are some serious life lessons going on out in right field.  Grown ass men drunk on watered down beer lecturing some 18-year-old kid from the Dominican Republic how to throw a curve ball and find the best titty bars in the Lexington, Kentucky area.  

Damn, they take dollar beer night pretty damn serious around here!

Trouble with the Curve apparently was filming a sequel!  

I’m thinking a future “guys” night out is in works.  Bachelor party anyone!  I promise you Lexington Legends media department we will fill the right field party deck!  


Possibly the best two hours of my life with Sloane, nothing special, I didn’t kill any spiders or read a bedtime story, it was just because I was there!  That expression when she saw me was something I will never forget.  Custody battle losses suck worse than cheap hookers, hell it sucks worse than if you could afford an expensive hooker, actually, prostitution is illegal so let’s start that sentence over.  Losing sucks period!  Losing when you are doing it right just builds your resolve and makes nights at the ballpark worth every lawyer bill and bullshit conversation you ever had with your baby mama.  

In case your forgot since I’m running a tad long, here is the Cliff Notes version:  Mother lies to child’s dad in hopes he doesn’t get to see his daughter (I’m assuming, I mean blatant lie), then same mother doesn’t even make the 20 minute drive to see her child perform the national anthem at a Major League Baseball affiliated league.  Narcissism is ugly, when it involves a child it is downright criminal!  Before I get accused of grandstanding from the “man hater” club, I will gladly remind you I never missed a softball game last year or any school event that I was given previous knowledge of.  Some call it a burden, I call it being a dad.  90-120 minute drives are nothing for me when it comes to seeing my daughter.  I would jump in my automobile in ten minutes and drive across the country if Sloane threw up the bat signal that she needed me.   

Awesome night, Big L was a hit and I can’t wait to visit this yard again!

About it for now, the term “daddy’s little girl” has never been more relevant.  I can’t wait to attend my next Lexington Legends game, granted they are affiliated with the Kansas City Royals and not a team that rhymes with beds, but that team will always be a bright memory for me and the night I “Dadded the F Up” for my daughter!

Running on Rabbit Power!

Not exactly Niagara, but one of the biggest waterfalls in the state of Indiana. Is there anything more depressing than being 40 and it’s prom season in your neck of the woods?  Your Facebook feed fills up with proud parents (with good reason) showing off their latest Don Juans and princesses.  The…

Continue Reading

The Epic Spring Break Weekend!

I dared her to get a selfie with a Lemur while she was at the zoo, never underestimate her craftiness! It was fun while it lasted.  Spring Break 2017 style wasn’t long enough, but then again, they never are.  Sloane, Miss Madison, Turtle Man, Miss Madison Jr., and the Skipah had so much…

Continue Reading