This is how we handle moles at Skipah’s Realm!
It’s football time in the states again, the prolate spheroid kind soccer nut. This will be the beginning and end of today’s geometry lesson plan. Is your alma mater undefeated? Are you a University of Kentucky football fan, and if you so have you developed a drinking problem yet? Is that Indiana University sitting at 2-0! Maybe college football isn’t your thing, instead, do you live and die on the National Football League? Did you have the Broncos plus three points (winner), or the Saint’s minus six (loser), hold on Miss Madison just hit me with a book upside my head: That opening was for my Vegas Sportsbook newsletter that I’ve yet to write. I’m pulled in so many directions these days it’s hard to remember what I’m doing!
Football in America only means one thing in the states, it’s the kickoff to Fantasy Football. I’m not talking kinky love positions with a prolate spheroid, more like me and a zillion other armchair quarterback Rambo’s that think they have what it takes to draft a first place team and get the great trophy of bragging rights and months of talking more trash than the shift manager at Rumpke. Yours truly was so swept up in the movement he signed up for two leagues. I can proudly say after week one I’m officially 0-1 in both leagues. The Swiss military has had better drafts than what I had.
Due to a course correction in the mythological phenomenon known as co-parenting, Mr. Skipah is sans his number one fan for two weeks in a row. It was a clerical area in the human resources department of Skipah’s Realm, and we have temporarily suspended our gothic gauges wearing clerk for this slight oversight. In a related note never put a University of Tennessee graduate named Jason in any kind of leadership position! The new hiring standards here will consist of nothing short of an Ivy League education although we will make exceptions for Stanford graduates. Long story short no Sloane last week and no Sloane this week.
Since Miss Madison has begun her quest to coach Team USA women’s volleyball (she’s coaching the sixth graders this year) in the 2020 Summer Olympics and no Sloane makes for a bored Skipah, a bored Skipah has been known to do dumb things. Like draft football players that apparently score more at “da club” than they do on the field.
So instead I’ve focused my time and energy on a new query. The death and eradication of moles. I’m not talking the Aldrich Ames or the Robert Hanssen kind. Middle aged guy I’m not talking about that growth on your back with six EXTREMELY long hairs growing out of it, but you might want to see a doctor about that. I’m talking the little near blind mini excavators that have taken to destroying Miss Madison’s and I entry into the yearly Better Homes and Gardens win a lawnmower contest for the best looking yard.
I’ve got a major ally in this fight against the little varmint, she has four legs and a nose that can smell a chicken carcass at the bottom of a trash can from six blocks away. That’s right my little mischievous puppy Karma has taken a powerful hatred towards these little bastards herself. I’m not sure if the Viet Cong learned tunnel digging from moles nor any evidence to prove it, but Karma has taken it upon herself to destroy every tunnel I let her little legs unearth. I think she uncovered remnants of a secret mole brothel yesterday with all of her diggings.
Kids, this is what determination looks like!
If only Hammy and his spying prowess was still around. I could stick him in one these tunnels with a bottle of vodka and a flashlight and we would have some serious underground peace making going on, complete mole genocide, or a bunch of drunk rodents.
Only Graceland gets more visitors than Hammy’s grave!
So far Karma has caught none, but she gets an A for effort. Next year assuming Indiana isn’t one giant watering hole for the gods again like it was this past spring, tilling up the garden is going to consist of only a rake. Between the moles and her, there hasn’t been this much excavating/digging going on since the last Walmart was built!
About it for now, I just learned my little girl has outdone herself again and need to follow up on that. No details will be forthcoming on here as this is a clandestine operation she is performing! Karma needs a bath for obvious reasons, and I’m off to fire the GM of both fantasy football league teams I am the owner of.