Going through a divorce

Part 2,

After reading the emails and being traumatically upset, I half way bought her bullshit lies and for the first time in two weeks I went out and got me something to drink.  I didn’t get bombed or anything that night I had to work the next day but I did drink.  This is two weeks after the first “separation” or whatever I’m calling it.  I’m down to less than 200 lbs. I don’t have much of an appetite; my wife is stilling being ice-cold and I don’t know what is going on with my marriage.  Fast forward to June 19th, I’m still on Lexapro and taking Clonazepam to go to sleep at night.  School is going good I’ve got a 92% halfway through the class.  I’ve seen my therapist twice so far and really loving what she is doing for me, like she is my paid cheerleader to keep me level-headed.  I believe the Lexapro is working on changing me emotionally, the Clonazepam helps me go to sleep, my best friend and I keep going out at night to go fish, he listens and it helps I’m still thinking I’m doing all I can to save my marriage.  My daughter and I are getting along better than ever, I’m doing everything that was asked of me, well in the meantime the I was told by HER “I’m not in love with you anymore” Clue # 4, I don’t know how many people ever got to here that from their spouse but let me tell you it’s a frigging dagger.  So June 19th rolls along it’s a Thursday, my best friend and I go fishing, they weren’t biting so and my wife and I are actually communicating for once through texting.  I head home to actually talk to her about things, and that is when she informs me that she is 95% for sure that she is filing for divorce.  I went into a tailspin after that.  I had to leave the house, I couldn’t stay here I was to upset.  I got me a room at an upscale hotel and for the second time since this has begun I got me something to drink, this was a Thursday night.  After that the shit hit the fan and anybody reading this knows what happen but long story short I learned a lot about myself, who really loves me, who my friends are., who my GOOD friends are, just went through a lot of “stuff” mentally.  I come out of it a better person, a hell of a lot of a better father, and unfortunately for me thought I would be a better husband.  The husband part the damage was already done, she was through with me already it only confirmed it.  I saw my therapist that day when things where back to normal.  She did her best to re assure me of things might/could work out but she knew.  I was heading to divorce.  So that week after the “incident” was weird, the “incident” though made me realize a lot of things, I have a mother that loves me that I took for granted, I have some really really really good friends that I take for granted, and that beautiful little daughter of mine is pretty damn funny, and awesome.  After the “incident” my wife turned even colder I should have known then that it wasn’t salvagable but I was in denial.   By this time I’m no longer able to snoop and she had changed her passwords, and I was fine with that but her heart had already been stolen from me.  Mind you I’m the same “fruitcake” that sent her probably 12,000 flowers over 17 years, over spent on Christmas, Mother’s Day, birthday’s, Valentine’s Day, Easter, or whatever I might have seen when I was out and about.  That is when I began to realize that, oh shit; I think she’s leaving me.  I never really recovered from that, she met with her attorney on June 26, and informed me that she was in turn filing.  We argued somewhat and after the incident she holds that over my head but she knows how much I loved her and that incident was a reaction to that.  However as I’m learning courts think differently, and she isn’t budging from attempting to take my daughter out of my life.

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