Pardon me if my words are running astray today, but there has been a cosmic shift in the winds as we steer to our next journey at Skipah’s Realm. Much like Magellan on September 20th, 1519 the crew and I have set out on a new journey full of unknowns and adventure. No, this isn’t a retirement post; bigger news is happening: THE SKIPAH TURNED 40!
Goodbye to the past life, hello mid-life! Miss Madison and the gang helped me say goodbye to the thirties one last time with a little impromptu “Welcome to 40” pop culture party courtesy of this article from Mental Floss. Shrouded in mass secrecy the past few days as details were being worked out, the girls outdid themselves this year! Popping 40 balloons and reliving the past 40 years were both interesting and the accompanying YouTube montage that went with it had me welling up in tears with the hard work that went into it.
I’m requesting 99 red balloons for my party in 59 years!
Reading what happened in 1976 makes me feel old!
Not in attendance at this grand gala was my pride and joy, Miss Sloane. Since she lives where the grass is blue and Walmart doubles as an impromptu town hall, she wasn’t able to make the trip Monday night for the birthday eve celebration. Why were we having two parties instead of one you may be asking? Because Tuesday, September 20th the actual day 40 years ago that I came out kicking, screaming and bitching at nurses to get me a Diet Dr. Pepper was planned out in finite detail to go spend the evening with her.
We interrupt this current post for another episode in “Crazy Exes (sponsored by Summers Eve) That Have Abused the Family Court System,” like a teenage boy abusing himself with an issue of Playboy (for the articles of course.) Long time readers probably know the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines better than most lawyers. New readers, the IPTG clearly states that the non-custodial parent is entitled to have access to their children from 5:00 p.m.-8:00 p.m. on said parent’s birthday. Don’t believe me? Look at this!
Yet another rule that gets to be broken on this otherwise worthless document known as the IPTG!
Since I work and live in Indiana, and my employer requests I stay there until 4:30 p.m. Eastern Standard/Daylight time the odds of me driving to Lawrenceburg, KY in 30 minutes are slim to none. I couldn’t make the distance in 30 minutes if I had a helipad sitting outside my office with a Blackhawk fully fueled and ready for departure (Military Man bear with me here, I’m assuming). Why is this relevant information? Because I’m not dealing with a normal ex-wife/baby mama.
I’m doing my own WikiLeaks document dump!
That’s right, my baby mamma won’t “release” our kid to me on my birthday even though it’s the state law. Granted that state law isn’t a law only a guideline that gets shaped however a lawyer sees fit. For that matter state laws aren’t even followed in family law. Welcome to the game that I’ve had to play for two plus years! Judges are former lawyers (usually), attorneys are like Levon, and those with the most money win (temporarily). As for that softball bit I offered to take her to, baby mamma didn’t even attend. I sent that original email on Sunday, and had to text baby mama today for a helpful reminder on a response.
I would start some kind of #SLOANECOMESBACKHOME fundraiser, but I’m done relying on others for help for legal funds. Sloane is old enough to know what actions are evil and will get to choose her own path in due time. Exes who think this is acceptable behavior are no better than criminals. Using kids as chess pieces shows how morally bankrupt an individual is and even how much more a system “protects” their own in family law.
Dads (most of us in this situation) here is Skipah’s advice: Kill them with kindness! If you have an ex that is hell bent on using your child(ren) as a pawn, let them. Document, document, document your ex’s actions. That image you just saw of my email pattern is hopefully about to go viral on Twitter and every other social media account attached to me. This madness has to end for single dads like yesterday! I would say write your local Congressman but let’s face it most of them are attorneys also! If there ever was a club that “protects” their own, it is lawyers! Just ask yellow-belly Rick Scott (governor of Florida) about it.
Ok I’m off my soapbox, did this obvious act of hatred from Shamu (the wanna be killer whale) ruin my day? Hell, no! Have you seen my girlfriend, the party she and the kids threw for me Monday night was the best birthday party I’ve ever had since I was a kid. I was smiling ear to ear all day, so dealing with my baby mamma drama was water under the bridge. After sharing my saga with a few hundred of my friends today and hearing my X-chromosome friends use words that rhyme with bunt describing my baby mama just made it better!
About it for now, I think I’m going to experience my first full day as a 40-year-old with Miss Madison throwing darts at pictures of our exes. Since I’m already well versed in voodoo, hopefully I can hit a few bullseyes.