I’m a Little Brownie Short and Stout!

Getting the hang of selfie!

Where in the hell has the year gone?  Did we cut back to 12 hours days and I didn’t get the memo?  It’s already the end of August, hell festival season is now upon us.  The first one in my area started today in the town over from me and September and October you can pretty much find one in just about any town or city around here.  Plus Indiana has suddenly turned into Minnesota light with the pleasant but unseasonably cool temps.  Temps in the 70s and 80s and little to no humidity I’m starting to polish up my “northern” accent to fit in around here.  It’s supposed to be hell on earth around here right about now!  I’m not trying to start a global warming debate on here, but the last two winters have been cold enough Eskimos passing through here take a sharp right and head south.  Throw in a week of temperatures in the 70s in August and all I can say is global warming is becoming a bit of a myth in my neck of the woods.

Friday night and that only means one thing, Hammy is hitting the vodka again.  Evidently his little network of spies smuggled him some of the precious Huber’s vodka he was clamoring to try.  From what I can tell he got a hold of the blueberry spirits and has been on a steadfast liquid diet all day.  Rosy is complaining that Hammy drinks too much, but how would she know since she sleeps like she just took a bottle of elephant tranquilizers.  Currently Hammy is updating his HotHamsters.com profile and trying to woo a fellow Russian Dwarf by singing her lyrics to “Baby I’m Worth It”, life is never dull around here with him!

The blonde bomber returned to the palace tonight!  Picked her up following her Brownie meeting today.  At first I didn’t think she would get to participate in Brownies when school started, but other than missing the first meeting the Brownie schedule looks promising for the majority of the school year so my little champ will be back to defend her title as the top cookie seller!  Kudos to the Brownie Commission for changing up the meeting schedule to accommodate me, I know it was just dumb luck but I’ll take any luck I can get!  The fall fundraiser should be starting soon and hopefully I’ve got enough sway to let her win that title as well.  If I had the free time and more custody of Sloane I was actually pondering becoming a troop assistant, but holding down a full time job kind of negates that.  However, I’ll pitch in anytime I can for the troop and the wonderful women that make up the leadership.  I’m on record as saying I’ll put my daughter’s troop leader up against any other troop leader in the country!

I’m back!  My big bad dad and I are going to defend the title!

After Brownies it was off to dinner at a local eatery that she has been haggling me to go to for weeks.  It was also the site of the famous chocolate tooth picture from earlier in the year.

Knowing the manager of the place for 20 plus years is always an added bonus as she and I exchanged pleasantries and our drinks were never lower than half before being refilled.  Sloane and I had life altering discussions of why ketchup is red and who would win a race between a tiger and me.  Throw in her new book she got for her birthday on horses and dinner was pretty damn pleasant on daddy/daughter date night!

Thanks British Mum for creating a horse nut!

Holy Cow my side business is about to take off!

Tomorrow is Gary date night!  Do I show off my nonexistent karaoke skills for Miss Madison?  Dance moves that would make a wheelchair bound person shake their head in disgust?  I know the bullseye is on me tomorrow as I’m her date in a family member’s wedding.  I’ve got to pass the “dad” test!  I’m a dad also you better be filet mignon to date my daughter in the upcoming years, I’m hoping he can at least settle for a sirloin when he meets me.  This is more nerve wracking than meeting Miss Madison for the first time!  I’ve been told I’m charismatic by plenty of people (I know a lot of people that drink way too much) so hopefully I’ve got some of my inner charm working for me tomorrow evening.  Plus to appease this guy we have to get our picture taken instead of a random selfie.  Miss Madison assures me everything will be fine, but she’s a mom, she hasn’t undergone the secret societal ritual of being a father to a beautiful daughter.  It’s a blood oath that we all take at one point in our lives, our motto is “If you upset her you will die and I will personally castrate you and hang your balls up on my mantle”, so no pressure or anything.

About it for tonight, Hammy has moved on to “Let’s Marvin Gaye and Get It On” in his serenading so I better get him to bed before I have a class action sexual harassment lawsuit on my hands.  Plus I’ve got to iron what I’m wearing tomorrow, freshly pressed shirt and pants you better believe I need to look sharp.  I’ve got a dad to impress, daddy’s little girl is no myth!