Some people know me so well!
While Mr. Skipah is still trying to figure out how in the hell he just got done driving 1800 miles and supervising precocious laundry experiments with Miss Madison, or more like texting Miss Madison in between naps when the washer and dryer have finished their harmonic crescendo when they inform me their cycle is up. A long time friend wanted to make sure the world knew I had an important wedding coming up and even went so far as to create a gift registry for Miss Madison and I. Without further ado please say hello to my gal pal Jennifer, author and creator of Unfold and Begin.
Ssssh. Don’t tell Gary but I think it’s time we started planning wedding presents for the Skipah and his future bride, First Mate Kate. Is the Skipah registered for wedding gifts? I’m not sure, but I understand that his favorite stores are the Army Navy store, Cabela’s and Stephen King’s Firestarter store. I don’t know if he’s sophisticated enough to be registered at each of these stores, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got the right gifts in mind.
First things first. I think we should probably get him a new nickname. What’s up with being called Skipah if you don’t have a boat? No? Not a new nickname? Well, then he needs his own boat. And I saw just the thing. An original 1964 Irwin Speed Boat, perfect for border crossings. It comes with the Ken doll, we only need to get the Barbie doll and then the Skipah will be able to act out all of his boating fantasies.
Not quite an Irwin Speed Boat, but I would settle for either of these!
Also, as a gift, I found the Skipah some blogging work. Lawyers.com needs some positive blog posts and you know how much he loves lawyers. They are asking the posts to be pro bono because it will just take them too much time to give him money and then take him to court to get it back. I know that the Skipah will truly appreciate me keeping him out of court while allowing him the opportunity to write for lawyers for free.
I found a great book for the Skipah which truly celebrates his favorite ball team the Cincinnati Reds. Have you ever noticed how many posts are about his love of the Reds? He goes on and on and on and…snooze. Well, this is the perfect gift for any Reds fan. It’s called Viewing Party and in it, current and former, Reds players discuss what parties they host or go to in order to watch the World Series. And, here is the perfect site if anyone wants to catch up on Cincinnati Reds Trivia so you can impress the Skipah.
Not to leave First Mate Kate out of the gift giving, I found a great nautical striped shopping tote for her to fill on her favorite shopping adventures. And luckily, I found a T-shirt that reads Keep Calm I’m the First Mate. That will make anyone who meets them feel better knowing who is actually in charge.
The Skipah is known far and wide for his bonfires. So much so, that when New Englanders look west and see an orange glow on the horizon we call that Skipah’s Delight. His enthusiasm for huge bonfires is well known. I’m afraid that it might be borderline dangerous or is that just his personality? I get those two things mixed up all the time. Since I think that not only the bride and groom should get a wedding present, I’ve picked out something special for the kids from the Firestarter Store. Fire retardant suits for those nights the Skipah wants to light the Supah Bonfire.
And finally, that special gift for all Divorced Dads everywhere. And by everywhere, I mean Indiana and Kentucky because, after all, aren’t they just one state? (That’s what my friend Lucy from Old England tells me.) So far, we’ve raised $7.25 and understand that a cool $10.00 will allow us to bribe lawmakers and enact changes to custody laws so that the Skipah gets first dibs. Going forward, he will be able to direct child placement in all divorce cases.
I know that this last gift will hold a special place in his heart, but any of the above gifts will be perfect for Gary the Skipah and his First Mate Kate. Congratulations and best wishes.