It’s Been Awhile

OMG, Miss Madison has scored her greatest Goodwill find ever!  This is my new go to when writing!

Spots are filling fast!  Don’t miss your chance to go viral by publishing original and fresh content on Skipah’s Realm!  I’m telling you my mom will read it and so will Miss Madison, their social pull together is the equivalent of the population of Antartica minus the scientists.  What are you talking about Skipah?  Guest bloggers of course, it’s going to be crickets on here next week when I’m in San Diego and the accounting department is telling me I got to keep the traffic coming in so I need some help.  So far, I’ve got three awesome bloggers lined up and looking for more.

If you had a craptastic divorce (I know the feeling) and need to get it off your chest so the others that stalk you can’t read it, you have a safe place here.  I’ll even attach a trendy safety pin on your post so you know you are protected.  Adopted and ready to share your experience, tell me all about it.  If you just need a place to bitch about the dangers of parallel parking in the big city, drop me a line!

Ready to tell the world how tough being a single mom is, I was raised by one, I know!  Single dad that got the shaft in court, I’ll let you run this damn site for a month!  You’ve spent most of the winter traveling abroad (you are obviously an attorney) and need somewhere to dump some pictures of you eating caviar with the Sultan of Brunei, my audience loves a good story and photography.  Had some bad luck in the dating scene, I’ve been there!  If any of this appeals to you, I’m listed in the phone book under “Skipah.”

Before I forget, I would be remiss if I didn’t give Miss Madison Jr. a big ole Skipah Shout Out (trademark pending) as she and her adolescent science gangsters recently finished first in the statewide science bowl .  Riding high off her newfound “mad” scientist label, she and I recently picked out a rather “groovy” project for her entry into the school’s science fair next month.  Any former hippies that are reading this, you will be quite proud of the final product in a few weeks.

That’s my future stepdaughter in the circle.  Thankfully she took after her mother in the “brains” department!

Of course, I would love to have this kind of interaction with my own daughter, but unless I can find any salvageable organs to sell on the black market, there won’t be any attempt at revisiting the bullshit that is known as my custody battle.  Just for laughs I recently inquired about how much it would take up front to go the legal route.  I love my daughter more than anything in the world, and if I had the FIVE FREAKING THOUSAND DOLLARS any reputable…err typo…respectable attorney wants, I would pay it tomorrow just to witness firsthand the utter stupidity that is family law again.  O.K. I’m done railing on lawyers for now.

She obviously takes after her father!

It only took 24 days, but I finally got to clock back in with my regular day job of “dad.”  It had been so long I fully expected Sloane to ask me to check out her new fake ID and if I liked the new car she was driving.  Per our usual routine, it was three days of boring and mundane.  Friday night sleep over, Saturday serving meals at the local Salvation Army, birthday party in the limestone capital of the world Bedford, Indiana, and a quick stop in Bloomington, Indiana to see what in the hell happened to the basketball team.  We took it easy and had a lazy Sunday before braving the elements and returning her back to her Kentucky imprisonment.

Nothing like running short on  bug juice when the snow flies.

Miss Madison had this grandiose idea of having the girls help at the local Salvation Army, a quick inquiry with a family friend and “voila” the girls were on their way to the sloppy joe slinging Hall of Fame.  Sloane had a blast and I think learned a life lesson that it can always be worse no matter what age you are and how bad life has punched you in the gut.  Miss Madison Jr. was figuring out polymers and how to create carbon fiber ladles since she has suddenly turned into the female Bill Nye.

Not sure if she showed off her golden right arm hurling oranges, but you can bet the farm she had everyone smiling.

No daddy/daughter weekend would be complete for us without some form of a road trip.  Next time you are selling your house and mention it’s made from Bedford Limestone, you can also say you know a guy that has been there.  A quick and easy 90-minute trip through the Indiana heartland will test your ability to stay awake (it’s winter time, the only thing green around here is my eyes) and we were in none other than Bedford, Indiana.  We were there for Miss Madison’s bestie and watching a seven-year-old attempt to go into a sugar coma after eating her weight in birthday cake.  Pleasantries were exchanged, gifts opened, and then we were off to Bloomington to take in all things retail.

The original party animal!

Quick tangent, I’m from a semi large part of the world.  New Albany, Indiana is basically a suburb of Louisville, Kentucky.  Most of my life I’ve had malls to shop at, a bookstore to visit, basically any big box store you can think of.  Miss Madison and her offspring are from a more rural part of the world.  They are used to Kroger, Walmart, and a Lowe’s and that’s it.  Sloane gets to reside in even more remote parts of this land in Lawrenceburg, Kentucky.  They only have a Walmart and a Kroger there.  Not even Lowe’s has decided to set up shop there.  I’m traveling with someone who has earned a Master’s degree in Secondary Education, and two girls that read books like they just heard President Trump is about to ban them.  The point of all this meaningless dribble?

Barnes and Noble that’s what!  A “quick” trip to the bookstore ended up with me taking a nap in the employee break room, memorizing the Starbucks menu even though I don’t like coffee, and meditating with a rogue group of Tibetan Monks.  Hey I’m all for my girls improving their knowledge in the world of lexicon, but 90 minutes later I was questioning my sanity.  I’m a blogger so of course the only books I read are snippets of fashion blogs on the internet, the last time I read a book from cover to cover I think Of Mice and Men was number one on the bestseller list.  Entertainment value was off the charts, and just another day added to my list of memories with Sloane and the gang.

Was Tiger Woods her inspiration?  Even though it was 50% off I wasn’t tempted my Miss Vonn’s charms and looks to find out!

This was a bargain!  I read the whole damn book for free we were there so long!  Next time railroads are a category on Jeopardy I’m going to wow Miss Madison with my knowledge of all things train.  Notice it was “illustrated” I didn’t feel like fighting a pack of kids for the  Dr. Seuss books!

I just wanted to include a picture of Old Blue Eyes on my blog.  No particular reason, but that backlink young blogger is key to amassing crazy traffic I’ve been told!

Sunday I let Sloane play on the newfangled concept of a computer, since she doesn’t get to at her other abode.  Don’t ask me why, actually you can because I know the reason.  My advice to others is learn how to block a website on a browser.  Not many things are more powerful than the words “truth hurts” when you know you are guilty of it.  Unfortunately, I won’t see Sloane again for another month due to me being out of town the next time she pays me a visit.  Sloane has wished me the best while in San Diego and is looking forward to her “girls” weekend with Miss Madison and company while I’m out enjoying fish tacos and throwing rocks into the Pacific Ocean.

We even found a little time for a Cinnamon Clementine Bundt Cake, because you can never have enough cinnamon in your life!

About it for now, I’m feeling like the guy that races to the public restroom at the gas station to lose 44 ounces of Diet Dr. Pepper only to get beaten by a dude that has just learned the aftershocks of eating 25 Hooters hot wings.  Every time things look bright and sunny, I’m reminded how much I miss my daughter and can’t do anything about it!

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31 Comments

  1. I don’t know why 90 minutes is such a big deal. I used to walk 90 minutes to school. And it was uphill. Both ways. But this was apparently just a ploy to see if I was paying attention when you admitted you are from Kentucky. *wink*
    Molly Stevens recently posted…The great Idaho vs Maine potato debate: finding common groundMy Profile

  2. I love bookstores! 90 minutes doesn’t sound unreasonable to me at all. I love bookstores almost as much as you love lawyer bashing! Be honest now: on a scale of 1-10, how annoyed are you that it’s the lawyers who have blocked the travel ban?? Those inconsiderate a**holes, right? Out there, protecting people and crap – do they not care that people are trying to prove they’re all evil over here! 😉

    The stripper cake, sorry cinnamon cake, looks amazing!
    Silly Mummy recently posted…Friday Frolics – 24th February 2017My Profile

    • No I still hate lawyers, they used family law against me because I blog and kept my baby mama anonymous since day one. Plus they don’t mind charging you for the freaking stamp they mail any correspondence to you!

  3. My favorite posts of yours are always Daddy/daughter time. What a fun-filled weekend!
    Mandi recently posted…Leaving the Church to Find God AgainMy Profile

  4. I don’t know what you are complaining about. 90 minutes is nothing. I have been known to walk into Waterstones on Picadilly at 10am and to stumble out just about 12 hours later because they were closing. In my defence, I do not often visit English bookstores.
    Margaretha Montagu recently posted…Step out of the Shadows and Secure Your FutureMy Profile

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  6. Wow! She kicked butt in the grades department. Is she available to tutor Munch? How awesome is that? I love the school photo and I know you’re going to be an incredible bonus dad Gary.

  7. It amazes me Barnes & Noble is still around but I remain grateful they are. Reading IS fundamental after all! Enjoy the Left Coast and those delish fish tacos. (Chargers merchandise should be available at a deep discount)
    sportsattitudes recently posted…Riverdale – A Nice Place To Visit And You Just Might Want To Live ThereMy Profile

  8. You sounded like you had a grand time! This was such a great and funny read, too. Thank you for sharing this! x

  9. Love this post! Isn’t life crazy! You all seem happy, and that is awesome!

  10. It’s good to hear you have the next Bill Nye being trained up as we speak. I would write a longer comment, but having read what you said about backlinks, I’m now looking for a couple of photos of crooners to include in my next post. (Is that how it works?)
    Bun Karyudo recently posted…Something to Chew OnMy Profile

  11. Ok so if I don’t go viral I’m calling my lawyer! I worked at Kroger for a short time and lets just say my evil twin wanted to set it on fire. Ever entertained as always
    heidi recently posted…10 Money Lessons I wish I Learned Long AgoMy Profile

  12. Thanks for the fashion blog mention 😊👍
    Linda Hobden recently posted…Kinky Boots WeekendMy Profile

  13. So much to take in, still laughing, along with a little madness for the divorce crap of course. Anyway, good job to Sloane on the grades and Miss Madison Jr.’s science class!
    RC Liley recently posted…PicturesOnGold.com SS Photo Heart Locket #ValentinesDayGiveawayMy Profile

  14. A cinnamon orange cake? Your restraint is admirable! Have fun out west. All of my divorces have been unremarkable. I just leave a note. Thanks, bye bye now.😇
    piratepatty recently posted…Anxiety. The What If of Life.My Profile

  15. Every time I read your posts, I have to read some of them out loud to my hubby, so we can both laugh. Cracked up the you “meditating with rogue Tibetan monks!” You’ve had some busy times. Looking forward to the fooder you will find for your blog while in America’s Finest City 🙂

  16. Love love love B&N, I volunteer to chaperone next time! 😀 “Tell me about the rabbits George.”
    Shopgirl Anonymous recently posted…9 Secrets to Embracing your College ExperienceMy Profile

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