Lunch is Served!

Danger Will Robinson!  It’s a peanut butter sandwich!

Hamsters are moody!  Retired KGB spy hamsters are the worst!  Little Hammy today feeling neglected or still detoxing from a weekend of pounding White Russians decided he wasn’t going to take it anymore and made an absolute mess of his surroundings!  He was even more pissed when he learned I was at Huber’s this weekend and neglected to bring home any of their personally crafted vodka.  Thirty bucks for vodka was a little more than I care to spend on six ounces of Russian meanness so I just fired up the vacuum cleaner and threatened to suck him up in it if any more messes showed up for me to clean up!  Rosy just slept through it all, in fact I think Rosy is clinically dead and just moves from time to time to avoid being buried.  I think a turtle that just ingested 30 Quaaludes is more active than her.  She sleeps all day and night except when Hammy isn’t shooting spit wads at her!

He’s about to become snake food!

After cleaning up Hammy’s mess today he realized I wasn’t at work and figured it must be some kind of long holiday weekend and was ready to hit the vodka again.  I had to let him in on a little secret that this was no holiday, but a planned day off for yours truly to go serve lunch to the minions at school.  I try to do it monthly now, and I’m still planning the ultimate food fight with the third graders if I could ever get the lunchroom Nazi supervisor to sign off on it.  Today I was slinging green beans, mashed potatoes, gravy, and a roll.  Do you know what kind of ammunition I can make out of green beans and mashed potatoes covered in gravy?  First I would soften the kid’s perimeter defenses with hockey puck like bread rolls and then launch complete hell with my newly invented green bean potato bombs.  I could have the lunchroom looking like the D-Day scene (minus the blood and body parts) from Saving Private Ryan!

Weapons of mass destruction!

The “potential” battlefield

Alas, even after demonstrating my serving spoon catapult design and a propensity to chuck a roll like a baseball I was told “Gary cut it out and get ready to serve!”, I may be 38 years old but I still think like a kid sometimes!  There is a school wide food fight fundraiser waiting to be harnessed, I just need to find the right angle to launch it!

I guess today wasn’t the best day in the world to have a food fight since it was picture day.  What brief time I did see my daughter she was in that effing denim jacket!  It’s August, it’s southern Indiana, there is ZERO reason anybody needs to be wearing a jacket right now.  It’s unseasonably cool right now that means low humidity and temps in the 80s, not exactly ideal weather for a polar bear!  For any new readers that aren’t aware, my daughter and her love for this denim jacket are a battle I’ve fought with her constantly.  Personally I think she looks like an extra from a scene in Grease (the musical Kentuckian, not what you lube your tractor axels with), and before any fashion diva’s want to jump my ass I am aware that denim jackets are making a comeback.  That being said, this jacket is neither fashionable nor remotely cool.  I only hope her school picture doesn’t have her posing in a denim jacket like a wanna be Rizzo, it was bad enough that her hair wasn’t fixed!  On second thought I hope she did have her picture taken in it, the first young man that wants to ask her out I will be sure to show him a 12 x 16 photo of her in it!  Just kidding……maybe!

In other news, plans are being finalized for Sloane and me to take a vacation!  Miss Madison has invited Sloane and me to accompany her in Door County, Wisconsin the first week of October during fall break.  I will stick out in Wisconsin like a surfer in Antarctica, however, fresh seafood and a plethora of lighthouses (yea I’m a lighthouse geek) win out.  As an added bonus (assuming all the logistics are worked out) I will go right past Lambeau Field in Green Bay, WI.  I’m a guy, I like sports, and Lambeau is on the Mt. Rushmore of sports venues anybody should see.  I put it up there with Fenway Park, Wrigley Field, and the L.A. Coliseum.  Honorable mention to the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California.  Miss Madison has promised me I can have my picture taken there, I’ll have to get it developed and take it to my late uncle’s grave.  He was a huge Packers fan!

Holy cow!  The Rookie Dad was at Kroger!

About it for tonight, need to search the internet for a Bo Ryan (Google that) starter kit and shop for a new denim jacket for Sloane.  She returns Wednesday and that won’t be a moment too soon!