It’s that time again!
Long time readers were probably eagerly anticipating reading this post because their internal clocks told them it was time for another dynamic dad’s weekend with Sloane. However, the good folks in Indianapolis, Indiana decided years ago that Martin Luther King’s birthday observance should be a whole weekend that falls into the “custodial holiday” rotation. I’m in no way belittling the birthday of the good reverend, but making this a holiday weekend over the normal status quo custodial schedule is a little much. We honor the man and his accomplishments, but not by hosting cookouts and setting off fireworks like normal holiday weekends. Who knew Indiana was so progressive with their holiday parenting schedules, this is the same state that passed the Religous Freedom Restoration Act in 2015.
So, with no Sloane around, and weather that is cooperating about as much as a caged Grizzly bear, Mr. Skipah once again was reading top secret blogging intel about how the denizens of the Skipahsphere find their way into my little internet dojo. That’s right its time for another round of Skipah’s Search Engine Posts. More of the wacky and the zany in the digital galaxy world.
I’m not sure if this is someone looking for a free boyfriend, free best friend, or is suffering from dyslexia and was looking up a free Facebook web page. To this loyal reader, you missed your chance for this chiseled statute of hunkiness as I’m recently engaged to Miss Madison. I’m sure our relationship would have been beautiful, but this real estate listing is now officially sold and has been off the market for a while now. If you need a free best friend, I’ll be your Huckleberry, drop me a line and let’s get to know each other. I like the Cincinnati Reds, my steaks cooked to medium, and getting on my coworker’s computers when they aren’t around to search for Chinese hookers so every web page they visit has a proper selection of ethnic dating websites showing up as advertisements. Finally, Facebook is free (just nobody sees your content in real time) and now since we are best friends I’ll remind you that you that in the nicest way possible. I’ll friend you on Facebook and tell my mom to.
WRIGHT QUAD UNIVERSITY DORM
For those of you that don’t know this is the dorm I lived in back in 1994-95 on the campus of Indiana University-Bloomington. More than likely this visitor read about the time Miss Madison and I went and saw the Lady Hoosiers volleyball team play last fall. Since I haven’t started my dormitory ranking website yet, let’s just say unless there have been major improvements since the mid-90s your child’s closet is more accommodating! I did learn how to thrown an alarm clock across a room while habitating there, and coincidentally I didn’t make it to a second year while attending there.
Not exactly front page material in an upcoming issue of Architectural Digest.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS PORN TUMBLR
Between Sunny Leone, Indian readers who like to touch themselves too much, and blogging for two and a half years I’m forever the “go-to” for porn on the internet apparently. The only thing I do less frequently than check my Tumblr page is brush my teeth. I even have stacks of past due dental bills to prove it! Calm down ADA member that was a joke! So, I really have no idea how this young Jedi found my website. Since he or she is obviously into the “naughty” when it comes to Christmas I hope Santa acted accordingly. Maybe some scented North Pole undergarments or a best of Jenna Jameson collection.
POSITIVE AND I’M GETTING BLOWN
Hmm………….I have been known to take this website to an R rating (this post), I flirt with PG-13 on a consistent basis, this website is definitely PG, and I’m not ready to make the leap to NC-17 so I will just say to this lucky reader, you get a good ole Skipah pat on the back. This practice of “getting blown” dates back to the ancient Egyptians so no wonder those damn pyramids got built so fast! How they found me must have been a fluke or I talked about how windy it was one too many times!
BROADWAY NEWS FOR KIDS
O.K., now we are getting back to normal! It is no small secret that Miss Madison and I like to take the kids to some of the finest in local theater and have many posts documenting it. I used to be in the anti-theater crowd, I also used to weigh seven pounds and three ounces. Things change! The work that goes into these productions is truly breathtaking to see, and it just adds to making more memories with your children. Memories and your children are a good thing. Also, I would be remiss to mention if by some chance you don’t have your child(ren) and The Book of Mormon rolls into your town, you must go see it!
JIMMY BUFFET I-TUNES
Probably found me because of the time last year Indiana had a bonafide bear wandering on our sacred lands. There haven’t been any updates on that bear in a few months so maybe it found its way back home. The old days of Skipah’s Realm there were plenty mentions of Mr. Buffet, and if I had Katy Perry’s checking account I would be a full blown Parrothead and venturing all over the world singing “Margaritaville” at the top of my lungs. I hope and pray that any karaoke footage of me has been destroyed from past attempts of duplicating Jimmy Buffet at area watering holes from back in the day!
REVOLUTION IN TURKEY 2016
Well, there was that attempt at a coup in the country of Turkey last year. However, I’m assuming they found out about the Turkey Revolution I sponsored last November. Sadly, the revolution failed as Santa and his little Ritalin infused elves dominated retail all month. The turkey militia and I are regrouping and plan a full-scale war with the North Pole army next Christmas….err Thanksgiving season!
HOW DOES MEDIATION INCREASE WILL POWER
Mediation increases the chances your attorney vacations in Paris instead of North Carolina, if you ever go through a divorce and get offered this wallet sucking option. Believe me, attorneys show great will power in mediation. A simple and easy solution gets dragged out for hours, and the resolve they show to not laugh their ass off as they see you crunching the numbers in your head of how much this little dog and pony show is costing you is an Oscar worthy performance. I have a feeling this person lives in Colorado and tried some of that Durban Poison strain of hippy lettuce and meant to type meditation. All though I can’t be sure, I don’t meditate so I can speak first hand if this works or not. I don’t even blog about meditation, so the internet obviously is amiss if this term found me. Coming soon Skipah/Facebook Live/meditation……. I’ll use my travel contacts and see if I can meditate with a rogue tribe of Tibetan monks!
About it for now, as you can see you never know what castaways latch on the Skipah vessel while out to sea in the digital waters. All those sleep inducing SEO tutorials I’ve seen on the internet for $24.95 are obviously working!