Missing You

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Got to witness true blue falconry this weekend, fascinating is the only way to describe it!  Actually it deserves it’s own post in the future.

The Skipah’s sports book is currently taking odds on what state will have the next Powerball winner.  Here in the United States we have 50 individual states, unfortunately residents in seven of them will have to seek sanctity in another state if they plan on purchasing a Powerball ticket for the opportunity to win 1.3 BILLION dollars (and growing) by this Wednesday night.  Currently you could accost a nun and rob the local Girl Scout troop of all there cookie money and you still wouldn’t make the news.  Its lotto fever in the states right now and you can bet your last dollar I’m caught up in as much as the next person.  The fine upstanding residents in the following states are going to have to seek alternative ways to grab their chance at a billion dollars!

Alabama: Residents too bad, put your college football frenzy on hold for once and go picket Montgomery asking why there isn’t Powerball in your state.

Alaska:  I really have no idea why there isn’t Powerball in your state, really what else is there to do in Alaska when January rolls around other than testing the limits of hypothermia on the human body.

Hawaii:  I have zero sympathy for you.  It was ten degrees this morning and most of the roads around here are iced over.  I’ve got a feeling the only ice any residents there see is when they are filling their glasses with whatever quaff gets them through the day.  No I’m not jealous….o.k. slightly.

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That reads ten degrees Farenheit….that’s freaking cold Hawaiin!

Mississippi:  Your western Alabama’s one shot to get Powerball tickets and you have screwed that up for them!  Supposedly lottery proceeds go towards education (or politicians pockets), and judging by the education statistics I think your little state could use any help possible.

Nevada:  Do what?  You can gamble on earth worm racing there!  I don’t care how powerful the casino lobby is, you have slot machines in airports!  Residents can’t drop a couple of bucks on a Powerball ticket?  Wouldn’t it be in the casino’s best interest to let a degenerate gambler actually win the lottery?

Utah:   I guess Mormon’s don’t like money is the only thing I can figure, or Orin Hatch hasn’t figured out a way to line his pocket.  I hear Utah is beautiful, I also heard from Bill Clinton that he didn’t have sexual relations with that girl.  So I really don’t know what to believe.  See what I did there, a jab at a republican and a democrat, I’m an equal opportunity smart ass!

Wyoming:  Even cowboys get the blues don’t they?  Let them cheer up by joining the rest of us suckers in illusions of instant wealth!  Side note, Wyoming is supposed to get a lottery in March, but that’s not going to help them this Wednesday.

Personally if I win I’m taking my new found business and opening a camouflage clothing store for women or I’m hiring a team of lawyers that would make O.J. Simpson jealous in my never ending quest to get split custody of Sloane.  Due to holidays, bullshit, more bullshit, and last but not least another helping of bullshit I haven’t seen the blonde bomber since December 26th and more than likely won’t see her again until Friday for all of four (usually three) whopping days because of the Martin Luther King holiday.  Completely fair (said no one ever), but suffice to say after talking to her last night she is super excited to see her own personal office space at the new corporate headquarters in Madison, Indiana.

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I give her exactly less than 30 seconds to make her own “adjustments!”

Speaking of the Girl Scouts, it is cookie time again for our area troopers.  Last year I launched an all-out Girl Scout Cookie war on Sloane’s behalf that ended up garnering her first place with her troop.  Since the powers that be didn’t want me to defend the title this year, they haven’t even enrolled her in Girl Scouts.  Broken promises and outright lies is all Sloane has been told on why she can’t join a new troop in her current geographical location.  The poor girl is in a school that she has to relearn material she already knows and is about as socially active as a drunken bear hibernating.  I would think the local Girl Scout troop would be an excellent chance for her to make new friends, but according to the state of Indiana I don’t have a clue what I’m talking about.

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Unfortunately Madison, Indiana is not far enough south to avoid this white mythical substance known as snow!

Last year we were hawking cookies and I was devising a point shaving scheme for girl’s basketball games with youth softball right around the corner.  This year I’m relegated to talking on the phone with her and circling weekend play dates on the calendar.  No more Girl Scouts, no more youth sports, and pretty much sounds like no more fun for her.  Again this is fair in what country?  Inmates in a Turkish prison receive more benefits than single dads when it comes to seeing their kids.

I’m adjusting to life in Madison quite nicely.  In what can only be described as a dream comes true there is THREE Circle K’s within two minutes of my current domicile.  Granted one of them I wouldn’t enter unless I was armed with two grenades and sawed off shotgun, but that means no shortage of Diet Dr. Pepper for me!

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The past weekend was quite enjoyable as Miss Madison turned me on to the awesomeness that is Napoleon Dynamite.  This movie is a riot if you have never seen it, thinks of it as a dork’s guide to survival in high school.  Saturday in between moving she even let me watch some NFL football playoff action.  The tradeoff came Sunday when she forced me to watch the Golden Globe awards and make her a homemade pizza.  The pizza part I didn’t mind, the Golden Globes….yawn.  At least Katy Perry was an award presenter so it wasn’t quite the snoozer fest.  By the way did you known Brian Wilson (yes the Brian Wilson of Beach Boys fame) was nominated for an award?  Am I that far off the pop culture radar these days that I missed this?

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Eat your heart out Papa John!

Plenty of thing coming up in the near future, yours truly plans on getting back to a normal blogging schedule to tell you all about it.  I know all 28 of you have been disappointed with the lack of posting lately, but fear not loyal denizens just because I’ve posted nothing to read there is plenty going on “behind” the curtain.  About it for now, just got notification that Hammy just got loose from his new digs and is raiding Miss Madison’s liquor cabinet looking for vodka!

 

 

 

 

 

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27 Comments

  1. A weather update from down under: After some stinky hot days it’s finally cooler again and we actually also got some rain and thunderstorms. It will be back to nice and warm tomorrow 😉

  2. That sucks about Sloane, it is stupid how the law treats single fathers (in the UK and the States)

  3. @colinandray because it isn’t the “lottery department’s” money… it is a game and the rules are dictated by that game. Culture? It is a game and guess what, there are lotteries in almost every nation. The european one is even larger. Culture has nothing to do with it.

  4. I’ve heard of snow! I’ve heard of snow!!!

  5. Thank you for visiting my blog so now I’m visiting your blog and I love it! Sounds like a tough time for all but your writing is so good that you are telling the story in a great way. And yes, write a post about falconry. Which, btw, autocorrected to balcony.

  6. That’s rough about you not getting to see Sloane until a day later than usual, but at last you have something pretty cool to show her when she arrives. I’m sure she’ll love her office space.

  7. No Girl Scouts? Is her mother criminally insane or something? Hope you win the lottery, so you can pay to get your daughter back permanently! You appear to be a far superior parent for your little girl!

  8. Yes, Napoleon dynamite rocks! High five, Miss Madison!

  9. Good luck to you with the lottery. I trust if you win, you’ll all come up and visit 🙂

  10. I’d gladly take a little of your snow. We had 14F in the mountains of NC, so snow would be coming to a friendly environment.

  11. First of all – you had me at Falcon, and you’re not telling me about it so I’m mad. Not really, but that is pretty awesome.
    Secondly – sorry to hear your girl has no Scouts now! This is my first go-around with this cookie fiasco and I’m already getting stressed out from the pressure.
    Lastly, what is this ‘pop culture’ you speak of? My 11-year-old lets me know how out of the loop I am all the time. Any time I *think* I like a ‘cool’ song, I am completely wrong.
    Great post!

    • Thanks!
      The falconery bit I’ll elaborate on more later, it was really neat to see though, don’t even get me started on Girl Scouts…Sloane lives in her own little prison now and it sucks! I used to pride myself on being up to date on all forms of music…now I’m just getting old :(.

  12. LOL. So, you wouldn’t enter one of the Circle K’s unless you were armed with two grenades and sawed off shotgun? Sounds pleasant.

  13. This whole lottery scenario puzzles me. With well over $1B up for grabs, there would appear to be an almost fanatical desire to buy tickets. Investing that kind of money will generate more interest than many people will be able to spend. Even comments like “I’d buy a big house, and get a really nice car.” doesn’t scratch the surface of that kind of money. Why on earth can’t the lottery folk donate at least $900M to various established and proven charities, and put the $100M into the next lottery pot. What on earth is wrong with offering 100 x $1M prizes? The odds of winning dramatically increase, and $1M is a lot of money to come unexpectedly! Sadly, research apparently dictates that more people will buy lottery tickets when the pot is at an obscenely high value. Lottery with a mere $1M prize is not popular so I have to ask “What on earth is wrong with our culture?”

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