Day seven of the great spam conspiracy! I’ve stripped this site down to bare bones and built it back up and still the problem isn’t solved. I’ve ruled out Hammy, he’s been so pickled of late Claussen and Vlasic are having a bidding war over him. I recently had a visitor from China so who knows! I re-interrogated the usual suspects and their alibis are still air tight. Today I “widened the net” to search for new clues as to whom could be behind Spamgate.
Once I again my investigation took me to Florida, the unofficial home of “batshit” crazy events in the United States, and after some highly illegal tactics was I able to learn that Mary has been starting her new photography company and been off on location dancing with gators in the swamps to bring her followers the best cinematic shots she possibly could. Next I looked out towards Colorado for a man that is no stranger to the “woes” of WordPress and may have secretly spammed me because he’s scared of my old dog SueBee, but his story of self-medicating and plotting North Korea’s demise was ironclad so I had to move on. I had another Hoosier I had to vet before I could give them the all clear, but Mrs. Hale is getting ready to drop twins and we all know Hoosiers are awesome so I didn’t think she was a viable suspect. That only left one potential culprit, maybe the top lieutenant in Skipah’s Army-Upper Midwest division went all Benedict Arnold on me! Thankfully that wasn’t the case because British Mum apparently has been whooping it up at White Sox games (that should be a crime in itself) and double fisting Earl Grey tea while watching Downtown Abbey reruns.
I guess I’m just going to have to break down and ask the lords of WordPress for a little help, this goes against every rule in the guy handbook but I’ve completely bamboozled. This is one problem I haven’t been able to solve. I’ll reiterate if you leave a comment and I don’t get back to you in a timely manner you evidently were flagged as spam and go into a top secret folder that I have to give a thumbprint image and the last names all of all my Little League teammates in order to get access to. I have to run some form of spam protection otherwise I’ll be sending out memos to everyone offering you the latest and greatest in voodoo products and sheep fornication techniques. No Kentuckian that was a joke, really it was, seriously I heard the University of Kentucky basketball just signed a 7th grader go Google it. I kid because I care for most of you heathens south of me. Just remember Kentuckian….Indiana will always hold you in the missionary position (that’s for all the Geography wonks) thank you, thank you I’ll be here all week. Disclaimer: I dealt with way to many idiot Kentuckians today at work and they channeled my inner Kentuckian rage, moving on!
The princess returned to her native state for one night before a power packed weekend with dad. Tonight nothing to really write home about other than after our classes tonight she was wound up tighter than a six day old clock. When I asked her what had her so amped “It’s the power of Jesus!” secretly I think they were serving double shots of pixie sticks and doing Big Red & Mountain Dew suicides. After finally getting her to ingest a horse tranquilizer and two bottles of Benadryl calm down she and I started on her insect project for school. Since she had wrong answers on homework that other adults checked she requested that she does her insect project with me tonight and we will finish it up this weekend. To see she didn’t get a perfect grade on basic subtraction homework that has to be signed off on was quite telling, but this is my life these days. No worries denizens of the Skipahsphere “I’ve got this”, on Wednesday evenings I’m not caught up in Gunsmoke reruns to make sure my daughter’s homework isn’t properly checked.
This weekend will consist of the monthly slumber party for Sloane known as Grandma Night, Saturday we are going to know more about the Monarch butterfly and she is dying to see my best friend’s pet boxer since I have no idea the whereabouts of Suebee these days even though I’ve inquired to deaf ears. Sunday though should be the capper for the weekend.
Miss Madison’s (you think I would go one post without mentioning her) daughter is having a birthday party and Sloane and I are cordially invited. Even better it’s a spy themed party! I don’t know who is more excited her daughter or me! I’ve already ordered a Daniel Craig look alike kit on Amazon and I am currently pricing Walther PPK water guns. I think it’s more of an Inspector Gadget kind of spy party, but I’m holding out I get to kiss an adult Bond girl, and save the day! Also Friday while Sloane is away partying like a rock star with grandma I’ll be making the birthday girl her own special dessert just trying to figure how to “spy” it up. I didn’t get a chance to make Sloane her prized caked for her birthday due to circumstances and Holiday World so I might be doubly busy in the kitchen Friday night making two desserts. The last person I want to piss off is the blonde bomber!
This is by far the coolest birthday invitation “package” I’ve ever seen!
About it for tonight, I guess I’m going to relent and hit up a WordPress forum for this Spamgate crisis I have going on. Learn more about the Monarch butterfly so I sound like I graduated Magna Cum Laude in Biology from Boston College University, and hit the hay.