My Favorite Stalker!

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Unfortunately this is posted in Indiana and not Kentucky!  Because I had no idea that railroad tracks meant a train could me near!

A quick P.S.A. (Public Service Announcement, Kentuckian) from Skipah’s Realm, due to vacationing in Door County, Wisconsin and some unsettling news at work I was not able to participate in my Keep Calm and Let Karma Takeover 5k walk/run for suicide prevention.  My team was able to raise 80.00 dollars though so hopefully that will pay for a few hours of phone time should someone ever call the suicide prevention hotline seeking guidance.

To date the fundraising efforts of Skipah’s Realm are as follows:

Suicide Prevention Network- $80.00

Colon Cancer Research-75.00

Make-A-Wish Foundation-$100.00

Leukemia Research-$45.00

Take that you nosy ass blog stalkers, what exactly have any of you accomplished for others in the past fifteen months?  Even a Kentuckian can figure that answer out, granted it took a flash card and some crayons, but I think you get the point.

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Image courtesy of https://plus.google.com/107026682126993529269, FYI that is a free site!  

I did pick up a new stalker today but that’s o.k. she’s kind of cute, actually she’s drop dead gorgeous!  However Mr. Skipah, who will eventually figure out a way to screw this up with Miss Madison (I hope not) after one of her friends has her sniff some smelling salts or uncovers incriminating pictures of that time I was in a hot tub with a giraffe in the Serengeti.  In all his infinite wisdom I backlinked an old post from a prior dating episode from months ago.  Full disclosure to any new reader: Miss Madison knows I am a blogger and she even guest posted a couple of weeks ago, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.  She’s now caught up with my life from about April until today and yet still chooses to talk to me.  To the best of my knowledge she hasn’t bumped her head so to quote the great Carl Spackler “I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.”

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Miss Madison!  Not pictured me ducking from the rocks she threw at me!  She’s a keeper!

Received awesome news on two fronts today.  One I can share with you, the other the Skipah Legal Defense team told me to keep on the down low.  First, found out today that I get Sloane next week on Tuesday and Thursday.  Plus in what exactly wasn’t one of life’s unexplained mysteries, I get her all night on Halloween instead of just six p.m. until nine p.m.  Break out the Asti Spumante or Welch’s Sparkling Grape Juice if you are under 21!  Secondly if you have half a brain or know what it going on in my personal life (Non-Miss Madison division), then you know this is wonderful news on that front.  In the words of  Ty Webb “Thank you very little!”  I get most of next week because I’m her freaking dad and not her stepdad.  She wasn’t even going to stay with her stepdad if I couldn’t take her next week so that should tell you enough!

Hammy is back in the full swing of things after his tortuous weekend.  Broke into the liquor cabinet somehow today and had his network of spies deliver him some milk as White Russians was the drink of choice again today.  Must have been collaborating with my neighbor one floor below me today to make my evening hellish as possible.  Since his girlfriend left for work this evening (pretty sure he is unemployed) he is either watching some of the stupidest movies on the planet or starting his own band.  The noise emanating from below this evening sounds like Yanni bred with a heavy metal band after smoking a quarter bag of California medicinal hippie lettuce, Kentuckians better get that one or risk banishment to……West Virginia!  Seriously, this shit is hurting my ears, I’m guessing it’s payback for a weekend filled with three kids yelling in the hallway and stomping up and down like some kind of marching band halftime show.

Unbeknownst to him I’m a guy with a bitching theater system, or at least it was four years ago.  By the time Mr. Skipah wants to check the firmness of his mattress he better knock the shenanigans off or this weekend when he is sleeping one off or I might find the urge to have an all-day matinee of Top Gun, Jurassic Park, and (insert favorite surround sound movie) just for shits and giggles.

I live in Indiana, a jewel in the Midwest of the United States of America, I started blogging in July of 2014 as a way to get things out of my head and on paper….err computer screen.  Free therapy (well sort of, self-hosting isn’t exactly free), in that time I’ve made countless friendships and memories only available to me through the blogging community.  After seeing the spike in traffic today (thanks Miss Madison) I did a check of all my stats since day one in this silly little virtual world known as blogging.  According to the State Department of the U.S. my country recognizes 194 nations as countries.  Sorry Taiwan, your China to me, that being said I’ve had at least one visitor from 154 countries now.  Holy shit Batman!  Although can I get a shout out from Greenland?  Or is Google Analytics calling that Denmark since they are to them what Puerto Rico is to the U.S. on a quick fact check, albeit it very quick so shoot me if I’m not right on that.  Also is there no internet in Mongolia or do I need to #GenghisKhan on a post to get a reader from there?  I understand some African and Caribbean countries probably have never heard of the internet or it’s about as reliable as a used piece of dental floss.  The whole point of this is “Thank You” from Mr. Skipah for even taking the time to visit my site.

Indians (not the U.S. version that got screwed umpteen years ago and exact their revenge through rigged casinos now, and I really don’t blame them) you all really need to get over your sexual addiction.  Does David Duchovny need to visit your country or what?  I’m sure Sunny Leone appreciates the patronage but really is there a male alive in that country that doesn’t have a raw penis based on my traffic numbers?  Use any adjective you want with Sunny Leone and trust me they have found my website!

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Alrighty then!  Seriously Indians (New Delhi version) seek treatment immediately!

About it for tonight, going to brush up on my Greenland facts and lace Hammy’s water with Benadryl so he will shut the hell up about being a rock star.  Have to explain to Miss Madison that I’m not some kind of hellish monster that tortures indigent insects just because I can, and yes I did go out on two dates with a certifiably crazy woman!  Just kidding loyal readers!  No secrets with her and me…..other than that one time at band camp!

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9 Comments

  1. Pingback: Mealyworms are not a Recommended Choice of Protein |

  2. Well, on that sign… someone had to be warned. However, I’m guessing those individuals that require warning, probably can’t read either. So…
    Sandi recently posted…I’m sorry, but your home is repulsiveMy Profile

  3. I’m speechless here, but hat’s off to Miss Madison sticking by your side! She’s awesome, no doubt!
    rcrown2 recently posted…Afro Curls: #MySundayPhoto – 10.25.15My Profile

  4. Sunny Leone, Had to give you another mention there just to keep things going for you. 🙂
    Jack recently posted…There Is No Cure For BloggingMy Profile

  5. Ok, what did you do wrong? MM has that teacher look going on, you know the one: “really, the dog ate your homework again? Didn’t that just happen last week?” As for your stalker, well by definition stalkers don’t have lives of their own. So you’re really providing a charity, giving her life some semblance of meaning such as it is.

    • Just more typical legal mumbo jumbo Mr. Skipah has to put up with, of course anything good or great I do with my website doesn’t get used in my favor. As for Miss Madison I probably told her one to many corny jokes and I got “the look”.

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