Is there anything more depressing than being 40 and it’s prom season in your neck of the woods? Your Facebook feed fills up with proud parents (with good reason) showing off their latest Don Juans and princesses. The whole time you are thinking, I knew your mom when she got knocked up right out of high school and we were taking bets on who the dad was and now that kid is 17 years old! Handsome young men that came from dads that way back when we thought might have been the basis for the screenplay The 40-Year-Old Virgin, apparently sired a kid in a “oops” moment that looks like he could be the next Channing Tatum. Skipah’s PSA for the day for all high schoolers: “At your age, a solid prophylactic is much cheaper than raising a child,” I’m pretty sure the words, “I can’t wait to be a parent” have ever been said at a high school graduation ceremony!
Thinking back to the times of yester yore and seeing former classmates with kids going to prom just had me feeling old. Or maybe it was a day full of back spasms this weekend after beginning the process of turning our yard into a future magazine shoot for Better Home and Gardens. Pass me the Icy Hot and Ibuprofen, I’m typing this with a full team of massage therapists and acupuncture professionals performing treatment on me!
Well, another year of bunny hunting has come and gone. I haven’t read all the news reports yet, but to the best of my knowledge, Mr. Easter Bunny successfully made it back to his hideout after another year of hiding mass produced plastic eggs that somehow hatched candy and coins to all the little ones all over the world. So what would this be time for? Another Skipah rant!
Easter, much like Christmas, is a religious holiday. The resurrection of Christ and all that good stuff. Find me a kid under the age of 10 that has any idea what Easter is supposed to be about and they are going to tell you about little Peter Cottontail and his magical powers of passing out candy, gifts, and a propensity for hiding plastic eggs. Here is a little known fact, RABBITS DON’T LAY EGGS! They don’t mysteriously shop at Walmart the day before Easter filling their cart with fake grass that is impossible to vacuum up and the latest from Cadbury. I’m sure, no actually I’m positive, I’m in the minority on this, but it needed to be said. The commercialization of Easter has gone mad! Now excuse me while I run to the store for some deeply discounted Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs!
Ok sorry about that, I had just finished arm wrestling the Turtle Man over going to bed or eating his 400th jellybean in the last six minutes. The broken bones in his wrist should heal in time for his birthday, mental note to not arm wrestle a kid that is hopped up on a sugar high on Easter Sunday. Calm down child advocacy group member, I didn’t really break a five-year-old kids wrist, I only exerted enough force for him to lose his bet and get to bed. Skipah is now 1-0 in the adult/child arm wrestling department! I don’t know who is prouder, my mom or Miss Madison.
Maybe there is some mythical little Brer Rabbit that runs around these parts, because for the third weekend in a row it was an old fashioned “dad” weekend with Sloane. The great state of Indiana said, “Dad, it’s an odd year so have at it this Easter weekend with your child.” Sure it was our third weekend in a row; trust me I’ve been on the other side of a lopsided holiday/parenting schedule so there will be only “crocodile” tears here for the other parent. Besides Sloane would prefer to spend every weekend here (and all other days, but that is for a different post), so we kept up our long honored tradition of “having fun!”
Do you know what you get when you have a super smoking hot soon to be wife, and a brainiac daughter that just keeps maturing daily into a young woman? A rocking dinner at the local Mexican restaurant last Friday night is what! It has (thankfully) surpassed the Ponderosa as her favorite place to dine in Madison, Indiana, so we never pass up the opportunity to enjoy some of the best salsa in town when Sloane suggests we eat there. She just eats her weight in chips and judges all the artwork in the place, but trust me anything beats Ponderosa! Throw in a super awesome night of me writing a post for Manly Bands that I was up against a deadline on, and Miss Madison taking one for the team watching Robo-Dog with Sloane, and it was a great start to the weekend. If you have not seen Robo-Dog, according to Miss Madison, you are luckier than the last Powerball winner or whoever had April 14th in the April the Giraffe office birthing pool.
Since Saturday had weather that reminded me how awesome San Diego was earlier this year, it was a full day of “honey do’s” for yours truly. Sloane was more amped up than an electric guitar at the last AC/DC concert because she and Miss Madison were off to attend a birthday party for some old friends of ours who had a child turning three years old. His older sister is Sloane’s age, and they were ready to cause their own kind of mischief.
I better line up some therapy appointments for the teen years with this one! Not for her…ME!
Remember Miss Madison’s excellent find on a lawnmower earlier this winter? It got to put it to the test Saturday as well as my back. One passed and the other is seeking out an active OxyContin prescription. The seeds of love or sunflowers, zinnias, and climbing vines were planted Saturday and in two months Better Homes and Gardens better have a photography team here! Sloane even returned after her afternoon of all things birthday to help out in the yard herself.
Miss Madison wasn’t cool with me painting her planters like bumblebees, unfortunately, Sloane agreed with her! She’s turned my own blood against me! So aqua won out.
Fast forward to Easter Sunday with Sloane and Miss Madison Jr. up at the crack of dawn to help the local church prepare for all things bunny before normal people wake up on a Sunday. These two beautiful girls were ready to spread their Easter love for the little ones before the rest of us showed up to partake in all things Easter. The Turtle Man insisted on wearing purple, so of course, I had to follow suit. I thought I looked like a skinnier version of Barney (the 90s purple blob, not Barney Rubble), and the Madison Gang had a grand ole time last Sunday.
Damn this is going to get me sent to the doghouse, I cut off the Turtle Man during picture editing! Anybody, got a spare couch I can sleep on?
Tragedy averted! Thankfully, I knew the developer of this photo and was able to obtain the original! #Connections
From there we bid adieu to Miss Madison’s offspring and the three of us were off to the Clifty Falls State Park to take in their reservation only Easter buffet. Since there were only three of us and a road trip back to Sloane’s Kentucky prison (for now) was looming, we decided to let someone else feed us for a change instead of turning the kitchen into a pot and pans trauma center for a day. I think when all was said and done, my waist grew six inches, I was hitting the Maalox like a wino on bathtub gin, and more memories than the law allows were made.
I’ll put my daughter up against any kid her age in the “coolness” factor. Of course, I’m biased, the bond her and Miss Madison have formed is truly magical.
Job well done dad!
About it for now, but guess what I have in my hand as we speak? No, it isn’t an original vinyl of the Beatles “Abbey Road” album, more like Sloane’s softball schedule! Next week kicks off another spring tradition……doubling up my driving all over the Commonwealth of Kentucky!