Skipah-My childhood nickname that has stuck with me since I was in middle school, due to the popularity of an Ocean Pacific brand T-shirt that had a boat captain on it, a.k.a a skipper that I wore you know back when Ocean Pacific was actually cool
The nursing home-Sloane’s home away from here (it’s her grandparents) but turns in to a nursery home when the ex has Mr. Wonderful spend the night there. If the majority of people sleeping under one roof are AARP eligible then you have moved into nursing home status
LOTTERY GUY-The person that shows up to cash in 23 scratch offs for a paltry sum of money and then spends way to much time analyzing how to spend his new-found riches on more scratch offs. Always shows up when you are in a hurry
Hammy-Sloane’s Russian hamster, and secret KGB spy (deceased June 10th, 2016)
Katy Perry-Official “no way in hell” dream date for yours truly
Suebee-My old dog, Siberian Husky (not a KGB spy) who is trapped at the nursing home.
The sock dating pool-a collection of single socks that hope every Sunday when laundry day rolls around they will find their missing soul mates.
Mr. Wonderful-The ex’s new “friend” and apparently was a good “friend” well before we split up. If and when the ex and him unite it will be his fifth “new friend” for life. (No I’m not bitter, I find this absolutely frigging hilarious)
Sloane-My daughter, most beautiful girl in the world, Seven years old going on 30, and avid animal lover of all species including her dad!
Polar Pop-44 ounces of the sweet nectar of Diet Dr. Pepper, sometimes Diet Coke has to stand in for
Shark Flu-The made up flu strain that I may or may not secretly come down with one day
HAVE FUN-The official “motto” of Sloane and I since her mom and I split
SAHD-Stay at home dad, they exist and they are some of the finest people you will ever know!
EBM Crowd-The eggs, bread, and milk psycho’s who freak out over any chance of snow
Fairfax, VT-The mythical plot of land that the anti-vaxxer crowd would be shipped off to if you know I ran the world.
Miss Madison-Skipah’s girlfriend
Sammy-My smoker that is a food nymphomaniac!
Muffin-Potential offspring of Hammy, and certified Russian diva