Smoking Sammy for the Win!

There is going to be some hot sweet love going on this weekend at the corporate offices of Skipah’s Realm.  Sloane is away practicing her banjo playing skills (psst….that’s a joke) in bluegrass land.  Miss Madison Jr. & the Turtle Man  are away with their sperm donor in chief, even Hammy has agreed to give us some privacy this weekend.  Hammy discovered what a screwdriver is and now considers his vodka and orange juice a “healthy” drink, plus he’s got a ton of Super Bowl bets to see to.

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All this Vitamin C has me full of energy!

The winter of discontent is going to be replaced with Al Green and Barry White ballads plus candles.  What’s the occasion?  Smoking Sammy is getting laid tonight.  He’s been pretty wound up since I took him out of the box, and today I found him the perfect specimen to unleash his pent up frustrations on.  Eight pounds of pork should quench his appetite for a while, if that doesn’t do it I might have a bona fide porn star in the culinary world on my hands.

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Sammy’s first love baring it all for him!

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To set the mood she even rubbed herself down with the finest powders that Vic-hog-ia Secrets has to offer!

The Skipah Super Bowl Bash of 2016 will be this Sunday and the offspring of Smoking Sammy and that hunk of hog are the featured guests.  Don’t worry loyal readers I’m a professional at this (In my head at least), 15 hours of aromatic jealousy from the neighbors and maybe I can run for City Council around here.  First order of business when elected open a freaking Meijer’s to end this monopoly Kroger and Walmart have over the area.

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Trying to make the evening special for my little man!

To honor this anti-celibacy celebration for Sammy I even whipped out my great-great-great grandpa’s secret BBQ sauce recipe.  Nothing but the best in culinary sex protection for my little buddy.  This formula survived the Spanish-American War and was one of the reasons this country had a Civil War way back when.  State’s rights and slavery my ass, General Robert E. Lee wanted to obtain Leander Mathews award winning concoction!  I would post the recipe but then I would have to kill you, but you can find something eerily similar if you click this link.  Mr. Skipah will also personally attest that the meatballs on that link will be a hit at your next church pitch in or a Groupon addiction meeting.

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I’m so nervous what if I forget to cuddle?

Now that the whole world knows my smoker is about to lose his virginity (categorize that in the “things I thought I never would type”), Mr. Skipah needs to thank his loyal followers for all the virtual love this week.  My biggest week of blogging traffic in months.  I’m really not this interesting (that’s what Miss Madison tells me), so thank you from the bottom of my heart.  The encouraging comments I get about my fight for Sloane on this site and elsewhere keeps me inspired.  I would link every one of my blogging ninja’s that keep me pumped up but it would take three days to do that besides the funny little secret in blogger world is none of us click on links….well except me, of course, I click on every link.  Thankfully it’s not storming here, just saying.

It is February though and this is Black History Month in the states.  I’m not going near the race debate in this country but I have to give a massive shout-out to two of my favorite bloggers.  One has fought the online dating wars like me (click on that link please) and has finally found someone that has potential.  I hope I didn’t just jinx her!  The other is Nosy Josy (you are now supposed to click on that link), super intelligent and will debate you on anything, and probably win except against me.

About it for tonight, Miss Madison will be home soon from the school dance and I need to “attempt” to look like I’ve done more than just prove the theory of gravity is real when it comes to a chair.  Smoking Sammy has no idea yet that he is about to lose his virginity but I just checked on him and he was reading a Playboy,  I’m sure it was just for the articles!

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18 Comments

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  4. I was a little worried that Sammy would end up IN the smoker…

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  9. Ohhh…ill bet that will taste amazing!!!

  10. That Hammy sure is quite the scoundrel! You better make sure he doesn’t set a bad influence for Sloane! Lol!

  11. Play boy actually has decent articles! Used to read my husband’s issues.

    I have escaped alive from the evil clutches of the virus most people refer to as Microsoft Windows. Am now a happy user of a completely free version of Ubuntu (a much more superior, quicker, less resource demanding operating system). For the people who require a G(raphical)U(ser)I(nterface) it has that, too!

    Have fun watching grown men knock each other unconscious (football) in my opinion.

  12. Oh boy, you are in man heaven :). Pork, smokers and the super bowl.

  13. I am really envious of that smoker, hope the “break in” turns out succulent! Enjoy!

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