Spring Break brought to you by Barry Manilow

Snowflakes you are safe with the Skipah, just don’t expect me to pass out crayons if you don’t get your way!

Why is coming out as gay a story anymore?  Have we not advanced far enough in society in the year 2017 to not even report this as news?  Barry Manilow came out as gay?  Who in the hell cares, and who is remotely shocked by it.  You don’t even have to have a well-oiled and functioning “Gaydar” to have figured out 20 years ago that Mr. Copacabana wasn’t exactly “hetero.”

I recently took Sloane to see Disney’s new version of Beauty and the Beast, fully expecting to have some kind of dad/daughter “talk” afterwards when it came out that Lefou was gay.  Thanks to some more sensational journalism making mountains out of molehills, that talk was saved for another day.  Yes, the character is obviously gay.  No, it’s never mentioned, and unless you are an older kid or an adult you wouldn’t even get the innuendo.  Religious zealots, I’m not going to belittle you and your beliefs, but everything modernizes after time, even beliefs.  This concludes Skipah standing on his soapbox for the evening.

Standing room only at the theater!

I’m pretty sure I’m not a “Mommy Blogger,” in fact, I’m positive I’m not.  I’m misunderstood as much as the next person, time to organize a protest!

It’s been quite the ride this week for the blonde bomber and me!  Her dad time during Spring Break has consisted of nothing but fun and memories.  Monday, we were special guests at the governor’s ball or just decided to blow off Indianapolis and do our own thing.  I forgot how this “married” thing works, but Miss Madison had a laundry list of “honey do’s” that she would have liked me to complete while I was off work, so Sloane and I told the governor, “Thanks, but no thanks” and I made sure to keep the special lady in my life happy doing odds and ends around the house under Sloane’s supervision.

I put new shingles on the roof, fixed the leaky plumbing, power washed the gutters, gutted the house of all the copper and ran new lines, took my ill-gotten largesse from selling copper to the casino only to donate it to various charities also known as “dealer’s wages.”  I even took Sloane with me to the casino and taught her what a dealer’s bust card is in Blackjack.  Unfortunately, security figured out that I wasn’t traveling with a miniature genius and when Sloane couldn’t provide documentation proving she was 21 years old we were asked to leave.  Some of the preceding words may or may not occurred, but trust me, Sloane would never tell.

Since moving in with Miss Madison, this wannabe grill master has been dealing with subpar equipment when it comes to cooking over an open flame.  Granted my bonfires can be legendary, but propane and a thermostat allow me to keep a better handle of cooking temperatures when it comes to grilling the latest from Omaha Steaks.  She had finally had enough of my whining, and informed that I’m getting nothing but a bag of shredded lawyer invoices and a grill for Father’s Day.  Since I think of holidays like a pimple on my back side most of the time I’m anxiously awaiting Father’s Day.

Miss Madison was so excited for one of Skipah’s patented grilled chicken sandwiches, she purchased it for me two months in advance of Father’s Day.  She rocks, I have a new grill, and now for Father’s Day in a couple of months, I will be happy to receive nothing.  If I receive anything I’m going to donate it!  Miss Madison was sneaky cool on this grill thing.  #UlteriorMotives, but I’m not complaining!  Getting a new vessel to perform culinary magic on no matter the holiday/reason I’m all for!

Unless you are rich or just won $500 on a scratch-off lottery ticket and have money to burn, you are more than likely going to assemble a grill yourself.  Pre-assembled grills are a pipe dream for most of us.  That means reading instructions in 17 languages and using a screwdriver to mark your page for language choice.  I chose English because my French is rustier than a 1973 American Gremlin.  Two hundred F-bombs later, with scratches and cuts to prove it, my new grill was assembled.  It should be a state law, excuse me, a federal law, that if you buy a grill that you must assemble yourself, you get a complimentary bottle or case of your favorite alcoholic beverage!  You need to be the size of a dwarf, have hands smaller than a mole rat, and patience of a Buddhist to get through assembly without rewriting the F word dictionary!

Looks easy enough, except I’ve been lured before by the black magic grill packaging can possess!  

This should be interesting, the trash should make a fine fire in the future.  Pass me the Bacardi please, I’m predicting a four-hour job!

Just a shade over two hours, and stuck to the Diet Dr. Pepper.  Frustration level only reached a six, Sloane reminded me that her mother frustrates me more.  I should mention I love that girl!

Damn you, Viking and Weber, for not responding to me on a product review!  What is a few thousand dollars’ worth of product for you?  I would wax poetic on your products, instead, I had to settle for a grill that is a Char Broil in disguise.  Granted the price was well worth it!  The only moral support I had when all was said and done was a “Good job, dad” from Sloane.  That’s a dad win in my book, and I like dad wins more than I like Diet Dr. Pepper!

The rest of our time together this week has been spent walking our trusty steed Karma.  Since Sloane doesn’t see her on a regular basis, watching those two “bond” or “argue” is hilarious.  A few dog walks and a trip to the dog park this week have occupied our time.  Throw in the aforementioned movie viewing of Beauty and the Beast, and I am happier than a Cubs fan that just learned they won the World Series last year.

Karma has loved having Sloane around as much as I have!

This much Sloane time has me in a quandary.  She absolutely loves it when she is with me and Miss Madison.  It’s not because I’m special.  I’m not a better parent (well maybe I am, Sloane knows what birth control pills are and is only nine), but my future wife pays attention to her.  Miss Madison, if our schedule permits, will accompany me to any event Sloane is a part of.  Four-hour round trip to watch her play softball last year, done.  Upcoming softball trips, she’s already clearing out her schedule to the best of her ability to make it happen.  In the Sloane step parent involvement department, I’ll take Miss Madison for $1600 Alex.

A quick trip along the mighty Ohio River has me thinking of opening a driftwood store.  

She even informed Miss Madison: “I would like to be here more, so I can be a part of the family activities.”  We’ve been to wrestling meets this week, dance lessons, and even had the pleasure of joining Miss Madison Jr. for lunch one day at her school.  Low key and cost effective, and more fun than whacking a piñata at the last birthday party you attended.  Going to hate to see this weekend end, but this April is going to offer plenty more dad time!

About it for tonight, in case you haven’t been paying attention Major League Baseball has started and my beloved Cincinnati Reds are tied for the division lead.  Sure we are 3-1, but we could still win 161 games and that would be a record!  Think big or go home is the motto in these parts if you don’t believe me let me introduce you to Sloane!

Send Skipah Sailing!

17 Comments

  1. Fabulous post and photo’s. I agree the media has a lot to answer for with stirring the pot.

  2. Yes, the advantage is how great they look brand new according to Chris.
    Jennifer recently posted…The Debt We Owe to the Play of ImaginationMy Profile

  3. Glass stove tops can be a pain in the butt, they have their advantages though.
    Gary Mathews recently posted…The Epic Spring Break Weekend!My Profile

  4. Happy grilling Gar! Great post as usual. 🙂
    dgkaye recently posted…Trainstorming for Writer’s Block – #BlogChallengeMy Profile

  5. Pingback: The Epic Spring Break Weekend! ⋆

  6. Always love your daddy-daughter time tales, Gary! Sloane probably could have put together that grill for you (like someone already said)…loved the photo and fun on FB. My engineer daughter used to do all my assemblies when I was a single mom. She was younger than Sloane when I tasked her with those duties 🙂

  7. Nice grill, I still need to make that purchase. Sounds like a good spring break with your favorite little girl! I’m a Rangers fan, but I’ll shoot you a good luck for the Reds since I’m not diehard.
    R.C. Liley recently posted…Riding Without Training Wheels: The WOOM 2 TransitionMy Profile

  8. As far as the grill asembly requiring you to fit your big hands in tiny places, why didn’t you ask your daughter to assist in the assembly? She would have smaller hands and get a real kick out of putting together something the whole family could enjoy eating the results from!

    At least you are getting to spend plenty of time with your budding math genius this month. Getting her together with Miss Madison Jr. might have been a scary way to initiate future family relations, who knows?

    Counting the days until you tie the knot yet? Got your hillbilly tux on order or are you planning on going in your birthday suit to cut costs?
    hallenterprises132 recently posted…Have You Ever Had an Earworm?My Profile

  9. I enjoyed your spring break. Good luck on the grilling.
    Anne Mehrling recently posted…A Meeting of MindsMy Profile

  10. My husband lives his grill too. As a chef, he especially hates the glass top stove I had installed–well before I met him. I was just looking for sleek, seeing as how it wasn’t going to be used much by me. Little did I know.
    Jennifer recently posted…Footprints in the SandMy Profile

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