Tennis Anyone?

No I don’t live in Phoenix, it just feels like it at times!

How in the world do people love living on unemployment?  I’m one week into this journey and I swear I’ve lost my freaking mind 23 times and that was by Tuesday!  Miss Madison was gone all week figuring out why Missouri and Kansas hate each other, and Sloane was achieving life goals by shooting a rifle off at 4-H camp.  Chalk that previous sentence up to “things I never wanted to say about Sloane.” That left me back where it all started for me in the blogging world…a bachelor for the week.  So how was my home alone week you are probably wondering?

Monday

Why is my alarm clock telling me to wake up?  I hate you, alarm clock.  Maybe next time you will politely remind me to turn you off.  I’m unemployed, 5:45 a.m. is for working people!  

Insert zzzzs

Ok, 9:00 a.m. this is manageable.  What is that I hear in the background?  Aw yes, the sounds of grunting women’s tennis players.  It must be Wimbledon!  Nothing better to do at the moment:  You know like find a job, paint the bathroom, landscape projects.  Nope, I think we are going to settle in on tennis for now.  Venus Williams is my rooting interest, she won, take that Ana Konjuh!  I should inform you it’s now noon and I’ve felt that the day long pajamas movement should be gaining traction, count me in!  

Miss Madison just called.  Yes babe, I’m covered head to toe in paint.  The bathroom looks marvelous.  Yup, I’m showered and already put in six job applications.  Ok, love you too, don’t get swooned by some young stud history teacher just because he has a job.  

Whew, that was close!  Day one of unemployment complete.  Wimbledon and I did manage to paint the bathroom.  

Tuesday

Who in the world is calling me at 8:00 a.m.?  Dammit, I’m unemployed and I’m now at war with alarm clocks.  Job lead, oh never mind, yup 17 years of experience and I’m good at it!  Plus I know where all the bodies are hidden with my former company. OK we will meet next week, can’t today because Venus Williams is in the quarterfinals against this Latvian gal.  Team America here!  

These pretentious Brits, in my day it was called Wimbledon!  Now this whole The Championships, Wimbledon marketing line is just getting old.  Venus Williams into the semi finals, not bad for someone my age.  She’s making millions doing what she loves, and I’m waiting to hear from the Indiana Workforce Services to get my measly unemployment money.

Miss Madison called again, nope haven’t started any of the outdoor projects (as I say in my pajamas), it’s raining at biblical proportions today.  Strip and wax the floors?  That wasn’t on my list of things to do!  I’m rethinking this whole marriage thing now.  I had a terrible accident with a mop many years ago and I’m not at a point in my life where I want to revisit it right now.  Nope, I haven’t burned down the house either.  Laundry?  Is that the machine that makes all kind of funny noises when I get near it? 

Day two is in the books.  More tennis, a job interview upcoming, and did you know Aaron Judge is good at baseball?  You didn’t, well turn your TV on ESPN.  Good lord, I haven’t seen this kind of sports reporting masturbation in my life unless it involved Tiger Woods!  I did squeeze in the MLB All-Star game just to see if everything I was led to believe is true about Aaron Judge.  He went hitless, so let’s not quite crown his ass yet.  

Wednesday

No phone calls, no alarm clock, and oops it might almost be 10:00 a.m.  In case you were wondering, I have showered daily.  Woah, what was that sound?  American Sam Querrey hits a tennis ball hard!  There hasn’t been an American/Britain beatdown like that since the Siege of Yorktown.  So long,  Andy Murray, I know the Queen still loves you but welcome to Sam Querrey’s world!  First American male since 2009 to reach a Grand Slam semifinal.  God, we suck at men’s tennis anymore!  

I’ll be the first to admit I’ve got a serious man crush on Roger Federer, if he and I could procreate, we would have the best imaginable son ever.  Future stud tennis player who sits around in his pajamas until after lunch.  Federer wins easily and the semifinals are set for Wimbledon.    

Miss Madison is calling again.  Yes, I took Uncle Tim out to lunch.  I’ve been busting my ass all day outside on the landscaping projects.  I’m on a first name basis with Tim and Susan at Lowe’s.  No, I didn’t go to dinner with Gene from Liquor Worldicon.  I don’t know why he and I are Facebook friends now.  We met at the post office (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it), how’s Kansas City?  

A piece of my soul has been lost on this landscaping battlefield!  I’m about 40% done with two weeks to go before our Madison reception.  Bob Vila apologists I know I’ve got some more leveling to do!  Tell Mother Nature to quit raining or making it hotter than hell!

Day Three has come and gone.  Unemployed with an interview in the future, painted the bathroom, and have now become a tennis savant.  Maybe ESPN will hire me as a tennis consultant!  

Thursday

I think Gene and I stayed out too late the night before discussing theological theory and women’s tennis.  But never fear, my new Wimbledon alarm clock is telling me that Venus Williams is whipping some more ass.  This year Wimbledon has turned into a modern day Revolutionary War, an American knocked of a Brit in the men’s, and now Venus Williams just got rid of the United Kingdom’s own Johanna Konta.  Mrs. Konta will be just fine, if this tennis thing doesn’t work out, she will have a luxurious career as a model.  To say she is easy on the eyes would be an understatement.  Nobody tell Miss Madison I said that!

Thursday would prove quite fruitful in the job hunt search.  When you do something for as long as I have, you make a lot of friends.  When you get let go unexpectedly those friends suddenly become besties.  The job hunt is going well now, this upcoming week could be magical!  The honey do list so far has me painting the bathroom.  Other than that, the major landscape project keeps sitting unattended and wishing it had an umbrella.

Of course, Miss Madison called to rub it in on how much fun she was having, at this point of the week I’m just like “great.”  She’s visiting historic Civil War battlefields, and I’m debating if showering before 7:00 p.m. is acceptable behavior.  

Bachelor cooking rules applied, fewer dishes used, fewer dishes to clean!

Friday

My man Roger Federer is old and still good, my new favorite American Sam Querrey just learned that this is “big boy” tennis and got sent home by Marin Cilic.  I tried to reach out to him to offer my condolences, but I couldn’t find his LinkedIn profile online.  Since Mr. Cilic hails from Croatia, thankfully he survived the Slobodan Milosevic era.  

No worries though, I had my first ever podcast to participate in!  My buddies at Divorce Force were eager to hear my two cents on men and divorce.  Granted, I’m remarried these days, but any advice I can give a male divorcee I’m all for!  My website is the go to for any blindsided man, and a blueprint for learning that it doesn’t always suck post divorce.  Just takes a little time to get there!  The podcast was a blast and I’ll post the links as soon as the editing of it is completed.

Even better than listening to me try to wax poetic on male divorce, a MAJOR job opportunity came up the pipe.  To quote President Trump, “It could be bigly.”  I also got word from Miss Madison that she was on the way home.  Operation: Look Like You Haven’t Been A Bum All Week  has suddenly launched!

Touched up that bathroom paint job, threw away the mountain of pizza boxes, and had to inform Gene from Liquor World that we could no longer be Facebook friends.  As an added bonus, it was kiddy pick up day, so I got reunited with my only heir!  Miss Madison got home armed full of knowledge of the Missouri-Kansas border war, and I figured out I don’t really care that I’m unemployed right now.  My kick ass wife and bad ass daughter is just what the doctor ordered for my week of boredom!

She even brought home a little KC syle swag for me :).

About it for now, I apparently didn’t shower enough for Miss Madison as she spent one day home before heading off to Yale University for some more educational experiences.  Thankfully Wimbledon is over and my Federer man crush was rewarded as he won, Venus came in a respectable second, and I’ve got a huge week ahead of me.  At least I’ll have Sloane to spend it with!

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37 Comments

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  3. I’m a tennis fan of the Martina/Chrissy/McEnroe days, when tennis still had appeal in the late 70s, early 80s. I’m amazed at the youngish talent US still has. Being a homebody myself all summer and one summer right after I retired, I was a little stir-crazy, but hubby was around and at least I had company. Good luck on finding a job–I’m sure you know exactly what you are doing!

  4. Oh, I used to love to play tennis. Tennis and volleyball were my favs. Unfortunately, the old bones and joints don’t like it as much as I did. A nice reminder actually, as tennis seems to be not too popular anymore. Well, I can only speak for Europe, the days of Steffi Graf and Boris Becker are history. They were super stars those days, and now? The media is full of B.Becker being broke and in deep debts. Crazy world.
    klaudia recently posted…Catching Your Best Friend’s Cheating Hubster Inflagrantly – Now What?My Profile

    • Tennis is deader than last nights dinner in the states. Long gone are the days of Agassi and Sampras in this country. Serena sparks interest at times and the country rallied around Venus this year, but it is only during the Grand Slams they even get any attention. Part of the problem, in my opinion, it has become an even more elitist sport in this country and unless your family has the money to send kids off to tennis camp, children just turn to other sports.

  5. I loved Wimbledon this year! Like I love it every year. My only objection is to see it live again but the tickets are now a King’s ransom. In the 90’s you could pick up day tickets for the mound very cheap. Enjoy your time off to reflect, cook and frolic 🙂
    Jacqueline recently posted…Can Smog Free Bicycles Clean China’s Pollution?My Profile

    • It has been an adjustment for sure, the first time in my adult life I haven’t had to set an alarm clock! I can only imagine what tickets at Wimbledon cost! They used to have a tennis event up the road from me in Cincinnati, OH and it wasn’t exactly “cheap” for an obscure pro tennis event.

      • Do you wake up early now? I consider 7am as an early start when one is not working. Wimbledon is now £1000’s for the finals. I went in the 90’s on a daily ticket to lesser seeded players. Then it was less for standing room only. We lived really close to Wimbledon so I never really felt like going. We used to rent out our flat to tennis goers. In fact people rented out their parking spots and some sold British memorabilia on their front lawns..lol. We high tailed to Spain most years.
        Jacqueline recently posted…Can Smog Free Bicycles Clean China’s Pollution?My Profile

  6. Phew! What a busy week. No wonder you couldn’t blog much.
    Mandi recently posted…Why I Don’t Want to Hear Your Scary Story About My DiagnosisMy Profile

  7. I took this summer off and I STILL have a 16 pound alarm clock go off in my ear at 6:30 am….

  8. Oh, I don’t know… I would love your bachelor dinner!

  9. Funny as!! Enjoyed your week 😂

  10. Funny as!!

  11. Well, I can see why you haven’t got time to blog!
    Margaretha recently posted…How do you connect with a Horse?My Profile

  12. At least the house is going to look fabulous, right?

  13. Sound like you’ve had an exciting week! Isn’t it odd how quickly your body falls out of the waking up the super early habit?

  14. Yay! Congrats on your podcast. What happened to your job? Did I miss a post about your unemployment? Wishing you all the best in finding and securing a new job. You are awesome Gary!
    Tikeetha recently posted…Co-Parenting: I Never ThoughtMy Profile

  15. Hmmm, you just get married and before and after the wedding the new wife is doing extensive traveling without you? I think k you really do need more showers or so.ething.
    Jennifer recently posted…Why Your Vision Board Should Be PracticalMy Profile

  16. How come I’m nowhere in this post as you plagued me with the I’m boreds all week, where is the loyalty??? I had a year on unemployment and I loved it, you men just don’t know how to relax, you don’t want freedom lol. Great post as usual
    heidi recently posted…Eco- Friendly Fashion & Beauty For Worldly ThinkersMy Profile

  17. Way to hold on to some of your bachelor skills! Congrats to MIss Madison by the way, she’s one smart lady!
    RC Liley recently posted…We’re Having A Boy! + The Best Happy Birthday SongMy Profile

  18. Your adventures made me giggle and brought back some great memories of my unemployed days. Now I’m a stay at home Mom freelance writer who’s working from a hotel room while my kids fight over a queen size bed! Thank you for the laughs I needed this on a very long day of summer break. 😊

  19. Have your little girl math genius help with designing the landscaping layout! She probably wants to impress her new step-mom with her skills and work ethics.

    Get used to both the honey-do lists and the applying for jobs. Spent over a year when I was layed off from a DSL provider in Colorado applying for jobs, before landing one with a contractor for the Department of Homeland Security (or Department of Insecurity as we called it). Worked there for a few years (mind you I never was able to get my security cleance) working on our nations routers all over CONUS( Continential Operations United States) and the rest of the world.

    The stories I could tell from meeting agents from our border patrols. We catch them and then just release them back on our own homeland to commit more crimes including rape, murders, ant theft. Now you know why I agree with Trup’s stance on building walls to keep the foriegn invaders out! Let the mimmigrate in like my grand father did years ago.
    hallenterprises132 recently posted…Have You Ever Had an Earworm?My Profile

  20. Looks like tennis ceased to be a sport for teens and early twenty year olds while we were not watching…Venus and Fed both 35+. There is hope yet for some of us 35 pluses. Well, OK, 50 plus.

    • This has definitely happened in the U.S., I mean good god we haven’t had a men’s grand slam finalist until Wimbledon since 2009? Oh, where have you gone, Andre Agassi and Pete Sampras?
      Gary Mathews recently posted…Tennis Anyone?My Profile

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