If I mention nectar, most likely the first thing you think of is “bee food,” and you would be “sort of” correct with that answer. I see you over there in the corner, what’s your name tag say again? Jane the botanist, you are telling me it is the liquid that a plant produces that is used to pollinate other plants? A quick search of the internet tells me you are an expert in all things nectar. While both of these answers would be correct if this was a game show based on facts, I’m telling you that you are wrong on so many levels.
That is because what nectar means to me is a
good awesome way to go to sleep at night without waking up due to the latest nuclear bomb test going off in your neighborhood. No, I’m not extracting plant liquid or trapping bees, I’m talking about the Nectar Sleep mattress that I was recently asked to give my two cents on.
How about I give you a couple bucks worth of my opinion and you can keep the change? Tired of waking up with a stiff back and a spinal cord shaped like a serpent? Try a Nectar Sleep mattress instead. Due to the gravitational pull the Nectar Sleep mattress possesses, I’ve recently had to upgrade to an air horn for an alarm clock. My old one was more of a nuisance after this product of the gods wrapped its arms around me every night. Sleeping like a baby may be cliche, but after a week on this thing it’s more like a fact! It dang sure beats any bed, concrete floor, backyard, lawn chair, or a recliner with a busted spring that doubles as homemade lumbar support. I’m can’t stress enough that this is literally sleeping nirvana for everybody!
I know you are wondering what makes me go coo-coo over cocoa puffs for this mattress, how about four layers of Certipur certified memory foams that all adds up to one beautiful sleep apparatus.
All of this adds up to what can only be described as sleeping on a supportive cloud.
Even better it is bedbug resistant so you can rest easy next time you get home from traveling and may have picked up a stowaway blood sucking, undetectable, impossible to kill creature that apparently can live forever and reproduce at rates that have to be some kind of biology record. If this doesn’t close the deal for you, better get that local exterminator on speed dial.
The cost of a mattress scares you off? Treat it like an investment for your back and overall happiness. Besides Nectar Sleep is currently offering $100.00 (USD) off the purchase of a mattress from them. You have a Skipah guarantee this mattress is cheaper than any at the big box store and more comfortable. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Nectar Sleep keeps their mattresses very affordably priced because they ship directly to you and eliminate the middleman. So goodbye 50% markups, hello to affordable comfort.
With the savings you are about to incur I would recommend buying some pillows for your new mattress.
Now if you have had some bad luck or a credit score that rivals Pete Rose’s career batting average, Nectar Sleep would still love to do business with you! All you need is a job or some form of income plus a bank account and Nectar Sleep is more than willing to work with you on a six month low interest payment plan. Credit checks aren’t even performed. One time an employee suggested maybe they change their stance on that, for suggesting such blasphemy that employee got put in the mail room for a month with no air conditioning!
I do have a bit of bad news about Nectar Sleep, friends across the pond and all over the globe, Nectar Sleep doesn’t have the capabilities yet to ship to you. My maple syrup chugging buddies north of here in Canada though, Nectar Sleep would love to do business with you! I’m in high level negotiations with them to throw in a complimentary hockey puck with each order. I haven’t gotten anywhere yet, but if I do I will let all of you know.
Now you are probably saying to yourself, how in the world do they offer free shipping on a mattress? Mattresses aren’t small nor very light and these are huge factors in the price of shipping. Nectar Sleep has a solution for that. Treat your mattress as a sleeping bag when shipping. It came rolled up in something akin to a new age reuseable knapsack. I thought it was a crazy concept until I received mine, and immediately started thinking what I could do with the reusable bag. Once your mattress arrives at your door in its pretty blue bag (with handles) just remove it, cut the military grade plastic off it and roll it out onto your bed frame. Not sure if little elves live inside of it with mini air compressors or what, but it will immediately expand to its proper size in about an hour.
Not only do I sleep well at night, I now have an industrial sized knapsack for my next backpacking excursion through the Himalayas!
Nectar Sleep is so confident in their product that they offer a 365 night home trial. Basically, if you don’t think my ringing endorsement suits your bedtime needs then you can let them know and they will borrow a local repo team from a used car dealer to come and take it off your hands. I heard a rumor they used to employ their own team to honor this commitment, but those guys were always falling asleep at the warehouse or holding poker tournaments because they were never needed.
Have I mentioned lifetime warranty! If your Nectar Sleep mattress has a manufacturer defect they know it is on them and not you. Things that aren’t covered are being a size six and finding out that you love to eat a whole apple pie at night and suddenly become a size 600. You don’t need a mattress you need an interstate level bridge deck to sleep on. No I’m not body shaming, but mattresses are designed for wear and tear, if you exceed that because you challenged the theory of gravity at an accelerated rate, any mattress is going to suffer. Actually, Nectar Sleep knows all of us are veterans of the Battle of the Bulge and if you opt for their “Choice Option” in the warranty department then anything that would require some form of “interpretation” is waived.
However, and this is a big however, if you decide one night to have a romantic evening with your significant other that involves rose petals, wine, and candles please do not use your Nectar Sleep mattress. If you drink too much wine then you might knock over a candle, which will catch your mattress on fire. Nectar Sleep wants you to enjoy their product as much as possible, but they aren’t going to cover stupidity. Also not covered: Using your mattress as a dartboard, a trampoline, or practicing your second career in the carnival as a knife thrower.
The wonderful people of Nectar Sleep give you a top notch product, Certipur memory foam that is literally like sleeping on the firmest, but softest mattresses you have ever had the pleasure of venturing off to dreamland on. To the over exuberant folks that say “You can sleep when you’re dead,” would you please make sure you let your local funeral home director know you want to sleep on a Nectar Sleep product in the afterlife! Personally, I value sleeping in the current life too much, and it just got a ton better with my Nectar Sleep mattress!
Skipah’s Realm was compensated with his very own Nectar Sleep mattress for his honest review. The thoughts and opinions are all 100% Skipah’s!