The Next Mayor of New Albany, Indiana

Couple of things to consider:  Do not eat sushi and add to much wasabi sauce on it while Skyping with someone unless you want to be ridiculed and just one week left to get it on the action on the largest fundraising campaign going right now on planet Earth “Kisses for Karsyn”, ahem that would be the planet’s largest fundraiser held by me, thought I better clear that up.  Also for each dollar donated you get an autographed picture of me eating raw wasabi!  Trust me it will make a great conversation piece at your next family gathering or party.

Spicy Tuna Roll #winning #foodporn

Next time the Hell’s Angels have an open tryout in my area could they give me a little heads up!  I saw more leather driving around here today than if I was in some kinky sex fetish shop.  Faded tattoos, rubber banded ponytails, and chrome were the norm here today.  I’m not picking on the biker crowd (actually I am) they do a shit load of good work for kids and the less fortunate but geez they multiplied like pollen around here today.  I was fully expecting to see Jax Teller and the rest of SAMCRO one more than one occasion.  Even Hammy was designing his own little “cut” today and creating his own rodent motorcycle gang patch.  Personally I think Hammy has been on the vodka too much this weekend, but then again that’s every weekend.

Typical southern Indiana summer day (well it’s not summer OFFICIALLY) but temps in the 90s and humidity that only rain forest denizens care for had my little sector of the world turning into a collective group of “bitches”, Hoosiers that live in my part of the earth have the shortest frigging memory possible just four months ago we had enough bitter cold and snow that you could have filmed a promotional commercial for the Alaskan Division of Tourism.  That was not normal weather for this area, 90s and humid we get this shit up through August.  Besides dude (or if you fly a different airline) female friends do you see what the women wear in this stuff?  Shut the hell up already!  Move to Minnesota and talk funny and count the number of days you get to wear shorts on one hand.  My Facebook feed has more w(h)ine today than the Boone’s Farm orchard.

I on the other hand embraced the heat and took a nice long walk down on the river in my hometown of New Albany.  I was going to hit the walking bridge but figured it would be packed so I zigged instead of zagged when I headed out of the house.  I’m glad I chose were I did because now I think I’m going to run for mayor!

I long ago knew this city and county was run by a pack of idiots, one three mile walk along the river this is an insult to idiocy.  In order to hold public office in this city/county I think it ought to be mandatory to pass a simple fifth grade geography test, successfully prove you can open, read, and reply to an email for at least two straight weeks without asking for help, and triumphantly open and interact on your very own social media account.  I’m sick and tired of “older” folks that run for office not having a frigging clue how today’s world works.  Older people that don’t want to learn anything about computers you are completely exempt until you run for public office.  If you represent me learn how to use an effing computer.  Since I know first-hand how stupid most of the local politicians are in this area I’m more than qualified to speak about it.

The reason I go on that rant is broke ass New Albany is sitting on fertile, prime land on the riverfront only the dumbasses haven’t done anything about it.  We have a decent amphitheater and that is about it.  In the last two weeks I’ve seen Louisville & Cincinnati’s waterfront up close and personal.  Bravo mates (Cincinnati’s is PHENOMENAL), what do you see on the water front in New Albany?  Maple trees of course.  There are literally park benches facing the river and the only water you can see is dew falling off of maple leaves.  This could be a gold mine, but of course city and county leaders are more worried about gossiping then doing any actual good.

We have a population a little over 35,000 so we aren’t just some “hick” town, the downtown area is filled with many little neat shops, niche restaurants and has done a total reformation in the last 15 years.  Turn that riverfront into a concrete jungle and we could thrive promoting of all things TOURISM.  There aren’t many cities in Indiana that can use that has a promotion.  We have gambling a short fifteen minutes from the downtown area and I’m sure the folks at Horseshoe Casino would have no problems with our city doing something to be an attraction, knowing them they would probably chip in.  New Albany get off your ass and get into the modern world.  We can even include a “Kentuckian” tax should any of them visit us.  They usually are wearing UK blue with no teeth, or University of Louisville gear with a nasty line beard.  I’ll handle the screening just give them a reason to come over here!   

New Albany spelled out in spray painted rocks and the Sherman Minton Bridge (I-64)

I “heart” Katy Perry is on there somewhere

      

Actual view from most of the waterfront benches and the amphitheater

Not the best downtown picture, but trust me it is pretty cool now

Needless to say my mind was working overtime while walking today.  About it for the night with all these bikers around town today might be a good chance to go meet a biker chic or get my ass kicked!  Or just stay home and write another chapter of “The Hammy Files”, either way everybody remember me come November (I’ll have to be a write in candidate) when it’s time to go to the polls!  Now if I could just locate some one from Lake County, Indiana on how to fix an election.