Tossed Salad

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Rough day in Skipah land for the first time since I had to get tubes put in my ears at age 35 (yes I know it’s a simple KIDS procedure I had it done twice back then also) I couldn’t answer the bell this morning for work.  I would like to say it was because Katy Perry called and flew me out to tour with her but sadly that wasn’t the case.  Avril Lavigne wasn’t burning me up to come visit, and I didn’t unexpectedly hit the lottery over the weekend.

Sometime around three a.m. my body started an internal war.  I don’t know if the left kidney called the right kidney an asshole, my liver finally threw his weight against my pancreas, or my gall bladder got little man’s syndrome and pissed everything off in my digestive system, but the next five to six hours I felt like a college freshman who just drank everything but 87 octane gasoline.  The toilet and I became very close friends, I vowed I would never nap in the bathroom again and that I’m too old for that stuff, but last night and this morning I didn’t have a choice.  I don’t know if I had finally come down with the 24-hour shark flu or food poisoning but good lord I thought I was dying.

For the first time since I’ve been single last night would have been nice to have somebody in the house, hell even Sloane would have been able to help me get something to drink.  Luckily I keep little Dixie cups in the bathroom for her to get a sip if needed in the middle of the night but I couldn’t get water in me fast enough before it was being redeposited into our local wastewater treatment plant.  Pepto-Bismol wasn’t exactly helping either (and tastes much worse the second time), about nine a.m. everything had run its course and I was able to sleep like a proper human being on the couch of course.  The organs all started playing nice again this afternoon except for mister stomach who was still acting queasy and dared me to eat some crackers to make him feel better.  That did the trick and the rest of the day was spent doing absolutely nothing has my whole body feels like I went 15 rounds with Muhammed Ali.  Sore this and sore that, never felt like I was “sick” as in the flu bug, but at three a.m. I woke up and it felt like someone had rammed an ice pick to my gut and that feeling lasted all night.

Anyway, not the first time I’ve dealt with some form of food poisoning (if that is the culprit), but usually any side effects from it usually like to go out the back door in the basement in a much less violent fashion.  Exiting the top floor front door always sucks and usually, the guests don’t even have the decency to ask for permission.  They knock on your stomach and say “I coming up”, hell you would think there was at least a bellman holding the elevator to let you get somewhere convenient to accommodate the discharge.  Luckily I made it in a nick of time and no messes to clean up.

Once again I’m blaming Walmart and healthy eating.  While I was there yesterday picking up some items I can’t get from Kroger I thought to myself a salad sounds delicious tonight, so I picked up the accommodating items I like in my salad and off to home, I went to prepare it.  I don’t know if the lettuce was washed in E.coli, the bell peppers were dipped in mold spores, or the red onions were grown in Chernobyl but something obviously didn’t agree with my system.  As of this evening, my stomach isn’t quite 100% but nausea has seemed to have subsided.

Come to think of it though Hammy was awfully quiet today while I was home alone with him.  Might have to do a bed check on him in a second and make sure he isn’t stashing some kind of arsenic dust in his little hide-a-way that he may or may not have slipped into my food.  He’s been way too occupied on HotHamsters.com lately though to probably have done it, but I can’t rule anything out with a KGB operative!

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I’m innocent!

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Get that damn camera away from me!

About it for tonight, I’m whipped literally, and ready to just chill out.  Also, any readers that have ever done a book review give me some tips.  I’ve got a book to review I received in the mail this weekend.  It’s a rock music history book (I wasn’t always a Katy Perry homer) a father wrote for his kids.  Looks pretty cool and has a ton of pictures so even Kentuckians can throw in there two cents on any advice.  Look forward to any pointers on how to style a book review.

 

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44 Comments

  1. You pretty much are putting your life on the line with Walmart and bagged salad in particular you have to wash to death. Pepto yuk
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  2. Three weeks ago, I had something similar happen to me. And it seems that there is something about that 3:00 am hour. I glanced at the clock as I dashed into the bathroom feeling like crap, and it was 3:15. I can’t remember the last time I was that sick. You have my sincere sympathy. Glad we both survived it and can get on with our lives. Though (at the time), you really wonder if it’s worth it. 😉

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  4. Glad you’re on the mend!

  5. You compared your illness to being a college freshman. Funny, I became an alcoholic my freshman year. Only vomited from drinking once. (Should not try doing the spinning ice skating move on carpeting in a dorm room!) Had to worship the porcelain gods once that night. Always stuck to straight rum. Mixed drinks were never in my repertoire.

  6. Oh my goodness! That does indeed sound hellish! Being alone and sick is truly awful. I’m glad you’re feeling well enough to type and sit upright!

  7. Sounds like you had a fun night. Hope you’re doing better today.

    • That was actually last from last spring, I’m on blog “lockdown” right now so I’ll just be doing product reviews and reposting old stuff for a while. Gotta love crazy stalking exes and family court!

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  10. Sorry to hear you felt so crappy… 🙁

    A cup of chamomile tea being sent your way from Miami! Glad you’re feeling better.

    And yes… Sucks to fight it alone.

  11. Sorry to love at your traumatic story but that was told so amusingly I couldn’t help myself! Hope you are all better now

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  13. Runaway Nuns and Leprechauns

    Such graphic details! I love it! You should start a blog…. Lol
    Glad you’re on the mend!

  14. Bleh, sounds like a rough night. Hope you’re feeling better.

  15. I feel bad laughing as hard as I did about you being sick. Not laughing because you were sick but because of how you described it. Those Chernobyl veggies are definitely ones to avoid. Sorry you had such a rough go, glad you are at least on the mend!

  16. Blame Wal-Mart, yes, but healthy eating…never! That said, the produce at Walmart is probably not the best to eat. Even Hammy would know that!

    Glad you’re doing better, hope rest is all you need and you’re back to 100%.

  17. Oh my that sounds dreadful!! So glad you are feeling better. Drink water!!

  18. I hope you get to feeling better quick!

  19. Hope you start to feel better soon and speedy recovery. Tubes in ears doesn’t sound like fun!

  20. I have had food poisoning it is absolutely awful. I actually cringe more at that memory than I do child birth!
    Glad you are feeling better 🙂

  21. Dittoes, glad you’re feeling better.

    For the book review, start with a summary, then give your opinion. “Gary Mathews wrote a blog describing how he suffered from food poisoning. His unusual prose is delightful!” Or you can give a slanted summary that integrates your opinion, like, “Gary’s fun use of the term, ‘Front Door’ to describe his mouth delighted me! How creative! I appreciated his unique, metaphoric prose. He always makes me smile!”

    Good luck, Sweet Cheeks! 😉 Cheers!

  22. Gald you’re feeling better! Getting sick in that fashion is ALWAYS the WORST!! I’ll shoot you an email about book reviews tonight or tomorrow. red onions grow in Chernobyl??? I didn’t think ANYTHING could grow there… LOL Oh, and tossed salad Bwahahaha! Get some rest!

    Much love,
    Lysa xx

  23. That was the most descriptive, colorful account of a food poisoning bout I have ever read! Glad to hear you are feeling better!

  24. Oh Dear, I am sorry you were so sick, but I did roar my head off at your brilliant account of it! Hope you are feeling better now 🙂

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