With Sloane away at her Kentucky prison, and weather that is quickly putting lawnmower dealerships out of business, the umbrella manufacturing division would argue otherwise, is there a better time for another Skipah Search Engine Post!
The world is a crazy place and Mr. Skipah occasionally likes to check in every now and again to see what level of craziness is visiting my little sector of the internet. These are actual search terms that found this peaceful little retreat in the vast wasteland of cyberspace:
Men’s Graphic T-Shirt
I’m flattered, did my agent finally land me my long sought out male modeling deal? I was hoping for swimwear, but I’ll take what I can get. Or maybe this is a plea from a reader to get in the T-shirt business! Who wants a Aerochromics's black t shirt for men? Mom don’t answer that one! I think, somebody got caught up in a epic Google search time suck after 23 beers and landed here. Hell, I can’t even think of a “fashion” post I’ve ever done. Although, between you and me, I could totally pull off a cover shoot for the magazine Men’s Health!
Bad Step Dads
The $49.95 (USD) kit I bought on Twitter from The Original SEO Ninja works! In case, anybody is scratching their heads and wondering if I lost my marbles and paid for an SEO package, I’m dumb, but not idiotic! Before I go get some ketchup to slather up my size ten and start gnawing away on it I’ll just pass on this one. To whoever had to look this up, hit me up on the Hotline Bling and we can talk it out. I’m here for you!
Signs You Are About to Get Blindsided in a Divorce if you are a Guy
Cosmic forces are already in place future divorcee club member! That anonymously innocent phone call you saw on your spouse’s cell six months ago more than likely wasn’t anonymous. Future school districts nowhere near your geographical locale on your IPad wasn’t from a wild Wikipedia bender. Start doing everything you can to protect yourself. Peaceful divorce is a myth if you are getting blindsided, you must start stockpiling information like an oil baron collecting dividends. It’s time to get medieval, I got chumped once I will never let it happened to another denizen of the Skipahsphere! I learned the hard way, join my Jedi club for men and I will show you how to protect yourself. It also helps if your current family is synced up with Android/Google. Google is the dark side of the force, I will show you how to embrace it and use it positively to your advantage!
Is Aileen Fisher a Poet or Poetress
Damn I might have gone a little crazy on The Original Ninja SEO package to be getting linked with this! Aileen was a very successful children’s book author, the fact somebody holds me in such high regards and would click on little old me over, you know, on award-winning author melts my heart a bit. I’m guessing graphic t-shirt guy has finished that case of beer and is now on shot number two of Fireball.
AMC POTOMAC MILLS
Miss Madison and I did visit the Virginia area last March; however, we didn’t take in a movie at the local AMC. I dug a dozen pages into the Google search engine and found nothing. I have no idea where this one came from. Unless my buddy T-squared has been dropping off literature referring to me in the area I’m absolutely clueless. After I do the male modeling gig, I guess my next calling will be a movie reviewer, look out Ebert here comes Skipah!
Looking for a Partner Who is Divorced
This person has their head on straight. Guys and gals that have been through the awesome process known as divorce, completely get this one. Once newly single man quickly figures out that women who are 22 with no kids, a virgin, and drop dead gorgeous are only a pipe dream if you are some Islamic terrorist their dating life will improve dramatically. I only speak from a male point of view on this. I’m not an expert but I’m pretty sure Mrs. Divorced Female will take 22 with no kids, drop dead gorgeous, but the virgin thing might be a problem. Before this turns into a manuscript for the next Fifty Shades of Grey novel, I will just say us divorcees have been in the rabbit hole together and get each other!
Little Girls Smelly Feet
I’m sure this is a product of this and this, all feet smell at one point or another. LittleMissMatched.com
sells scented socks to alleviate this affliction for little girls. Actually, they sell more than just socks, and if you are bored and on your fourth shot of Fireball I highly recommend you click this link and see what they have to offer. Disclaimer: Skipah’s Realm is an affiliate of LittleMissMatched.com and earns peanuts on any purchases made. Those previous two sentences are what is known as “whoring yourself out.” Being a whore is much better than being a slut, whores get paid at least. Skipah the Blog Whore will be my next self-hosted blog if I can find the time!
I.C. 31-17-2-8
Hell yes! This is ranking on page one, line four on Google! This is another useless Indiana state statute code! All because of this post I’m assuming. Indiana dads that are looking this up are quickly figuring out this is about as an empty of a law as my latest Diet Dr. Pepper fountain drink, don’t worry the family law/lawyer cash grab is hopefully getting ready to get turned on its head!
And finally………
Shahid Afridi Daughter
Evidently this guy is like the Michael Jordan of cricket in Pakistan. His daughter was rumored to be dead or at least sick. How in the hell the daughter of a famous cricket player gets 11 hits in the last two weeks is beyond me. I know India and Pakistan don’t play well in the sandbox, so maybe some overzealous Sunny Leone fan linked me to this. By the way, Sunny Leone still leads organic searches and it’s not even close. Whoever is searching for HD videos of her might want to check somewhere else. Maybe I can leverage this into a lucrative Indian porn peddling career! Just kidding of course, but what in the hell is going on in that part of the planet! Just baffled some cricket player’s daughter mysterious circumstances has turned my site into the online CNN for breaking news on this! I know nothing about cricket the sport, although an actual cricket is like a T-bone steak for crappie in my area.
About it for now, evidently I need to see if I can get some partial money back from the Original Ninja SEO.
Gary, You’re hilarious. And I think you should be a bathing suit model but I digress. Fun, lively reading. Just what I needed. Thank you.
bonking mummy in the states would probably get flagged for porn in the states LOL.
Haha! I still always love these. Aileen Fisher is my favourite. So many questions. Was this person wondering if the correct term for a female who writes poetry is poet or poetress? Or were they assuming the correct term is poetress, but unsure of the gender of Aileen Fisher? Most importantly, are you the oracle for all poet related queries?
I got ‘bonking mummy’ on my search terms this week. I suspect that this is sadly not funny in the US, but it’s funny in Britain!
It is quite amazing!
I can’t believe some of the ones that come into my site. I haven’t looked for a while - but like you, I’ve found some real whoppers. Glad you’re getting out there!
Didn’t I find you? I looked south one day and saw smoke signals saying HELP, MY EX IS A DOUCHE! Since I’m fully aware of douche exes I felt a calling to reach out to you. Yep that’s how it went down that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Thanks Terri, I thought all you wacky left coasters loved the water and camping! Somebody will come along that will appreciate his love of the outdoors.
Where do I even start here?! Lmao! My favorite is and always will be Sunny Leone. I mean, that’s how I originally found you, of course! Lol! 😉
Yes, I am joining the crowd of raucous laughter after reading this post! But I do have to say that dating divorced folks is the way to go especially if you have kids. One of my windsurfer friends is 41 and divorced father of a 7 yr old boy. He had it bad with his divorce (long story). His issue is finding the right gal who likes the outdoors and the water. She does not have to be a windsurfer, but camping every weekend in his spectacular trailer can be a deal breaker for some he’s dated. You are lucky, Gary, and we can all feel your joy in the words you write!
Happy Hunting!
I am now going to start searching ip addresses. Can’t believe I never thought of that. What fun awaits!
Hahaha!!
Anything I can do to help you not do a research paper is my pleasure!
Can we get an audio of this Faye?
I am literally on the floor in pain from laughing so hard! And procrastinating writing a research paper.. so thanks!
OMG this had me laughing out loud - the ugly unexpected snorting laugh. Bad Step Dads and Shahid Afridi Daughter?? Hilarious!
If anyone is smart enough to, it would definitely be you!
LOL. Nope, Potomac Mills is too far from me. These search engines are funny. I think I will never understand them.