The Turtle Man is officially five years old!
Once the lawsuits are settled and ServPro is paid for services rendered (it was that epic), the weekend of May 20th-22nd 2016 will be one for the record books! First though, I had to secure pick up of my most precious cargo of Sloane on Friday evening. Since the NRA (National Rifle Association) decided they needed to host their national convention and endorse Agent Orange in Louisville, KY this past Friday, a usual pain in the ass drive suddenly became borderline comical. Again, with a little co-parenting (gets weird to type that every time), other arrangements were made and Sloane and I were reunited a little later than usual but made the most of it!
To kick off the power packed weekend Sloane and Miss Madison Jr. where off to crash an eighth-grade semi-formal dance. It helps when the chaperone happens to be Miss Madison. I was unable to attend (more on that in a sec), but from all reports I received the little duo was hanging in there doing their best “Watch Me Whip/Watch Me Nae Nae” routines and gorging themselves on watermelon and snacks. Miss Madison did her job of keeping the teenage pregnancy rate down (was I that naive as an eighth grader), and all my favorite ladies returned home safe and sound. I would offer up some pics, but Miss Madison hasn’t been trained in the Jedi ways of the blog life, or she was super busy! I, on the other hand, had to make a grocery run because the fate of one soon to be five-year-old boy hung in the balance!
It’s no secret I’m “kind” of handy in the kitchen, I can cook/bake with the best of them. However, I don’t even pretend to have a clue when it comes to decorating a cake. When Miss Madison threatened to put Ex-Lax in my Diet Dr. Pepper or wash my clothes with a detergent made from poison ivy concentrate if I didn’t make the Turtle Man a superhero cake for his birthday, I quickly took notes! Friday night while my girls were creating demo tapes for Dancing With the Stars, I was attempting to build the best damn cake any young boy would be proud of!
Using a cake recipe that is rumored to have been the start of the French Revolution. I set out to make the Turtle Man a cake that would make him the envy of all the boys at preschool. A few cracked eggs and flour bombs (or was it F bombs) later, I had the cake made and created my own top secret icing for the little chocolate lover. Mental note, just turn the mixer off when adding flour, really just turn it off! I had more white powdery substances on my counters than a local heroin dealer! Throw in some All-American M & M’s, Kit-Kats, superheroes, and voila. How did I do?
I’m really hoping to get the Carol Cake Making Society endorsement for this one!
Actually, the recipe for the cake is here. The frosting was a pound of cream cheese, four cups (or so) of powdered sugar, two sticks of butter, a tablespoon of vanilla extract (I use the real stuff), and a cup of melted semisweet chocolate chips. Not recommended if you are trying to cut calories, recommended if you like watching your personal scale find newer and bigger numbers. This concludes the food blogger portion of today’s post.
The cake was Turtle Man approved, and his party was Skipah approved! I haven’t seen Sloane have this much fun since we went to Holiday World last summer. The Madison Gymnastics World is run like a military boot camp, but watching Sloane and all the other kids living it up like they had all hit the sugar lottery was well worth it. A quick note to the staff, god forbid if one kid spent an extra 45 seconds putting his/her shoes on. I don’t think Hitler ran Germany with that much of an iron fist! When my unreleased comedy sitcom hits CBS in 2025, the first thing I’m doing with my newfound wealth is building a competing venue and putting them out of business!
All of the adults were just chomping at the bit to take a turn in the foam block nirvana!
The Turtle Man turned five, and Sunday he and his sibling got to spend it with their other parent. That left Miss Madison, Sloane, and I with way too much time on our hands. While Mr. Skipah was turning down product reviews of the finest in Chinese junk via email, Miss Madison treated Sloane to a “girls” day getting pedicures and trading jokes about good ole dad. Seeing how those two bond when I’m not around is a big “puffy” heart moment for me!
Evidently it was a “toe-tapping” good time!
After they were done having strangers from Asia run their hand all over their feet, the three of us hit the links (Putt-Putt style) for some good old-fashioned miniature golf! Jokes were aplenty, as Miss Madison and Sloane have this new found “secret” code when referring to me! Since this was my first time putting at the Clifty Golf Range, I quickly lost any credibility I thought I had with the Putt-Putt Hall of Fame, but still managed to show the gals who reigns supreme in these parts navigating windmill replicas and grass colored indoor/outdoor carpeting.
Mind if I play through?
My work here is done for the weekend!
About it for now, cue up the Alice Cooper this week though as School’s Out For Summer this Wednesday. We’re back on normal parenting time for dad, and that means 50/50 until August! Miss Madison and I have a whole summer’s worth of fun in the making: Back to Door County, Wisconsin for a week, a long weekend in Chicago, the Breyer Festival, and potentially a trip to St. Louis to throw rocks at Cardinals players…err I mean visit the City Museum.