“Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means ‘a whale’s vagina’”-Ron Burgundy
All good things eventually come to an end and my recent trip to San Diego was no exception. Fresh off the conclusion of the Dad 2.0 Summit from the day before, it was just me, the search for more fish tacos, and my platonic date with the infamous Jules Strawberry. She promised to show me a good time, and I vowed to be myself. By the time, I left San Diego to head back to all things Hoosier and Miss Madison, I had turned a valued online friend into a real-life confidant.
Since Don Draper wasn’t available for Miss Strawberry she had to settle for me.
A little background with Miss Strawberry and I, she was my online friend well before I met Miss Madison. She got to hear of my whack-a-mole dates, and I got to keep hearing why she was single. I will tell you why she is single even though her intelligence is off the charts. She can spot a player through a sniper scope six miles away in a dense fog. I valued her friendship even after I found the love of my life, and meeting her in person while in San Diego was just icing on the cake. When you’ve been “friends” in the online variety for as long as we have, meeting in person was just a formality. Twenty minutes into dinner the first time we met after I arrived in San Diego, she was flying the middle finger at me and I just reminded her that she’s not the first person to refer to me as number one.
This transplanted Texan recently relocated to San Diego and had offered herself to be my tour guide to visit paradise on earth, otherwise known as La Jolla. La Jolla (pronounced Hoya if you don’t speak Spanish) is where rich people are envious of the super rich. Miss Madison and my daughter I consider the most beautiful specimens on earth, La Jolla is probably second and there isn’t even a crooked figure skating judge that could argue that. If you have never been to the La Jolla area, all I can do is offer my condolences.
We are just getting warmed up on some Ansel Adams level photography!
Before anybody starts oohing and awing let me remind you that sea lions stink! Apparently they don’t mention that little nugget in any promotional literature in La Jolla. My local wastewater treatment facility smells like the latest from Gucci compared to the sea lions.
The running banter between Jules and I was when am I getting married. Since there are a ton of factors out of our control at the moment (custody arrangements are grand), we don’t really have a date yet. I was doing my best gay best friend impersonation to find her a date for our unnamed wedding plans, but she assured me with her Texas charm she would be able find herself some arm candy for the night. I may or may not have showed her all my single friends on Facebook, but a gentleman never tells! This is how cool Jules is, she wants to come to our wedding, she just needs proper notice to plan. This is the same Jules that sent Miss Madison and I a congratulatory card when I popped the question weeks ago.
Seeing where Dr. Seuss found his muse and subsequent museum was off the charts cool. Actually, the whole damn trip through La Jolla was neater than that time I got to open a limo door for Katy Perry. If I’ve never told you about that time, it is because it never happened. By now Miss Strawberry has reached eye roll level with me that only Miss Madison can attain. Yeah, she is that cool! Since we had walked the equivalent of a mini marathon by this point, my stomach told me that this platonic love fest needed to end or it was going to make a scene!
Off to the right of the trees is the tree that spawned The Lorax. I’m sure Seuss is rolling over in his grave that they made a movie out of it!
Unfortunately, my culinary adventure before I headed home was by far the worse fish taco in the San Diego area. It looked all nice and presentable, but tasted like it had just mated with a dead shark. The only bad fish taco I had for the whole trip, but the restaurant made up for it with some of the finest tasting salsa this side of Mexico. Jules and I bid farewell with a hug and a promise to meet again, she with some stud quarterback and me with Miss Madison. I have my doubts on her landing a stud quarterback, but thankfully she didn’t ask me to go approach the guy we saw earlier that would have used me as a bench press.
I could get used to this kind of view when eating lunch!
Single San Diego men what in the hell are you waiting for!
After bidding adieu to my new west coast bestie, it was time to go home. I missed the Madison bunch terribly and knew I had a super long evening ahead. Since I dreaded waiting four hours at LAX, I went all Supertramp and “Took The Long Way Home” Screw Interstate 5, when you have time to cruise up the Pacific Coast Highway.
By far the most picturesque drive I’ve ever taken!
I reached LAX at 7:30 p.m. west coast time, waiting on a connecting flight to Dulles that didn’t depart until 11:30 p.m. It was Grammy night in L.A. but, alas, Katy Perry nor Adele showed up in the United wing of the airport. My final thoughts of San Diego are the following: How in the freaking hell can you afford to live there! Where do you people get a driver’s license, I’ve seen teenagers in my part of the world have more sense! What drug do you take that makes Carl Jr’s so popular there! I get it is congested and parking is harder to find than eternal happiness, but good God, cyclists, do you have a death wish or what? Heart attack from property tax shock and trampled cyclists has to be the leading cause of death in San Diego!
So long west coast!
Sometimes it feels good to be back home!
About it for now, I will remember San Diego forever. It is paradise on earth, I want to experience it with the Miss Madison and her kiddos, Sloane, with Miss Strawberry as our tour guide for all of us. Meeting some of the awesome dad bloggers at the Dads 2.0 Summit is something I will never forget. This silly, smart ass, Midwesterner got his own Californication and wouldn’t have had it any other way!