One Night in the ‘Nati

Is there anything better than a night out at the ballpark? 

As a card carrying member of the “bro” club, sometimes we have to call special meetings to clear the air.  Occasionally this is done at a local watering hole, but usually it is a conversation at a kids birthday party away from the women folk and the offspring.  Every now and again though, the “bro” club gets their own night away from all things family to call an emergency meeting in which women, children, and your paper boy aren’t invited.  Recently Mr. Skipah got to enjoy one of those evenings. That’s right, it was a guy’s night out in the Queen City a couple of weeks ago!  

When you take two over-40 dads from southern Indiana and cross breed them with a slick-talking Philadelphian Hoosier transplant, one of two things are going to happen.  We are going to be on a first name basis with the receptionist from Chicos Bail Bonds before it is all said and done, or we will forget geographical differences and make the best of the situation.  Needless to say as hard as we tried, we never ended up in a Cincinnati jail cell, and potentially the three of us have now formed our own over 40 Wolfpack.   As of now we are still fighting over who gets to be Bradley Cooper in our new secretly formed club.  

Out of town trips for married, working fathers take months of planning.  Long gone are the days of the sporadic yelling of “ROAD TRIP,” and four guys are on their way to a casino in Evansville, Indiana with a combined 58 bucks between them.  This time the bat signal was thrown out back in early May for all of us to assimilate in Cincinnati, Ohio on July 28th for a scintillating tilt between my beloved Cincinnati Reds and some team named the Phillies.  

Thankfully I had a couple of months to plan this trip because it had been so long since I had a guy’s night out it took me that long to remember the combination on the super secret lock to where my man card is stashed.  My new Philadelphia buddy spent two days digging up his backyard, after a month of using a metal detector to locate his prized man card lock box.  I think he told his wife he was finally starting that Koi pond project she had been on him about since 2012.  Us men have to go to great lengths to keep our man card safe (it’s ok to nod guys your significant other isn’t reading this), we only truly get to whip them out on the rarest of occasions!

We now pause this post so Skipah can wax poetic about his superstar wife Miss Madison.  I’m pretty lucky in the regard she really doesn’t care if I ever go out of town with the boys for a night.  The only instructions I had for the evening was “don’t do anything stupid,” and since that kind of statement is open for interpretation on the various levels of stupidity, I knew I had her approval to just be myself.

Ok, got that out of the way, I didn’t want her to read this and have me test the firmness of the concrete in the garage the next time I go to sleep.  Unfortunately, to get from here to Cincinnati, Ohio requires passage through the vagabond wasteland known only as Kentucky.  We successfully evaded capture from the state police and made it to our temporary headquarters for the night.  I was really feeling lucky, because we took the much cheaper route to lay our pretty heads in Covington, Kentucky for the evening instead of harvesting organs for money to stay in Cincinnati for the night.  Seriously Cincy, what the hell is up with hotel rates there!

I know besides the big ass baseball game, the Cincinnati Music Festival, and some dude named Wiz Khalifa were all going on that weekend, but I mean seriously $300.00 USD  a night for a room? Granted at the music festival Keith Sweat and whatever is left of the O’Jays were performing that night so I’m sure that had folks traveling for days to see them,  but thank you AirBNB for having affordable accommodations on the ‘Tucky side of the Ohio River.  

Once we arrived,  we let the women folk know we were safe, and we were going to be taking naps before going to the game.  Those naps lasted long enough to find our way around the corner to the Braxton Brewing Company, we had seen an advertisement that they had some of the finest Arnold Palmer’s in all of the land.  To say we were disappointed when we found out that they only served “adult” beverages instead would actually be a lie.  Hell, even this non-beer drinker liked one of their tasty quaffs!

Solid time at Braxton’s to get the day started.  They will let you try a sample of everything they offer, I ended up sipping on a glass of Kickback Hard Cider.  

By now it was game time, and our Philly buddy just couldn’t wait to see his hometown team take a beat down from the last place Reds.  I think his favorite player of all time is Hall of Famer Mike Schmidt, apparently, Mr. Schmidt isn’t with the times and recently pissed of the ever growing #MeToo crowd.  I didn’t hold it against him, I’m pretty sure, no I’M POSITIVE I’ve said some crap that would get me on the #MeToo radar if I could replay every conversation I’ve had in the past 30 years.  Actually every conversation that was had this particular evening probably would have offended someone, but hey what happens at a Reds game stays at a Reds game! When it is dude night out the P.C. police are given the evening off!

Did I mention I have a friend in low places?  The other participant in this dude threesome for the night has more connections than high ranking mafioso in New York City.  I don’t know if he hid a body for someone or covered up a bank robbery, but he scored us suite level tickets with an all you can eat buffet.  This would be both a blessing and a curse since I think I ate 21 pounds of barbeque pork in less than 15 minutes.  My stomach reminded me quickly that this was a horrible decision and I spent most of the game contemplating if I want to convert to Veganism.  Eventually, my stomach and mind came to their senses and reminded me that meat is a good thing.

Whatever pig this particular bbq pork came has to rank up there with Wilbur on the short list of famous oinkers!

As for the game, the good guys won.  Nobody hit a 600 foot homer in our section so we netted no souvenirs, it was however Joey Votto Funko Pop! giveaway night.  Not sure what those are?  Me neither, but they are going for $29.99 on eBay currently.  I moved up two belt sizes, and we had one more trick up our sleeve before the night was over.

Gnarly!

We didn’t stay for the Walk the Moon concert, thankfully nobody asked me to Shut Up and Dance before the night was over!

If for some reason life has you wandering into Covington, Kentucky at or around 10:00 pm on a Saturday night, I highly recommend a stop at the Olde Town Tavern.  They serve some of the tastiest Shirley Temple’s you can get your hands on.  The dart boards were a throwback to medieval times.  You can forget your standard plastic tip darts at this place.  It’s old school steel tips. We didn’t stay around for it, but supposedly after midnight, it becomes a blood sport when some drunkard starts screwing up the lyrics to whatever song he or she thinks they can belt out on the karaoke machine.  All in all a good night indeed!

Spiderman has fallen on hard times apparently, maybe he should look into selling real estate to supplement his income.

About it for now, me and my new guy gang had so much fun we are thinking about making this an annual pitstop for years to come.  It’s August now so I guess I better start planning now!

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3 Comments

  1. Hope you have Miss Madison help you guys plan next years trip! She can help you avoid higher cost hotel prices. She can find discounts anywhere!

  2. Nothing like a guys night out at a ball game man! Should’ve stayed for the Walk the Moon concert though, they’re pretty good.

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