Cushman Inc., SEO Package

I wouldn’t mind a “Weekend in New England.”

I recently purchased  Cushman Inc. SEO Crash Course (that’s search engine optimization for you neophytes who have lives and don’t blog).  For $42.19 USD I was hopefully learning the latest and greatest in SEO ninja tactics.  More like I got $2.19 worth of knowledge, and even that is shaky.  I already knew how to log into my email account, create a fake Twitter accounts, and stealthily troll on Facebook.  Not exactly SEO tips, but I guess you get what you pay for.  So lo and behold when I recently checked my search engine queries to see why so many people find me so damn irresistible (you have permission to eye roll), you can only imagine the shock that overcame me.  Maybe Cushman Inc. might know what they are doing!  I actually had a few relevant topics, or maybe the internet is a weird and wild place.   Sunny Leone for reasons I’ll never fathom is still the leader in the clubhouse on web hits and horny young men have to be sorely (pun intended) disappointed when they find out I don’t have behind the scenes footage from Super Hot Sunny Mornings.  Once again it’s time for some Search Engine shenanigans!  

The cost method that will yield an ending inventory value that is somewhere between possible high and low prices using traditional costing method:

I have recently dabbled into some retail opportunities, but not really sure what is going on here.  I have zero retail acumen other than a bachelors of window shopping.  I hope this wayward online vagabond found something useful on this site.  I did spend almost 18 thousand dollars when I got divorced, but I guess this isn’t germane to that search topic.  I hope this perspective business owner gets some useful information from somewhere.  This sounds like hard hitting knowledge you might want to possess if you are dealing in business that involves inventory

Barry Manilow:

I did break it to the world that Barry Manilow was indeed gay earlier this year.  It wasn’t exactly cutting edge journalism on my part, I’ve got some gay friends and they only wish they could dress like this!  So if Skipah’s Realm and Barry Manilow are now linked in the Googlesphere until the end of time, maybe I can start drawing some royalties for all  Since he’s still touring, and he and I are now besties online, I would feel like a jerk if I didn’t tell you about his upcoming California performance at the McCallum Theatreicon.  I also plan on making sure his next greatest hits album goes quadruple platinum with me promoting it.  That’s what friends do for each other!

Seal and signature of a birth certificate in Meghalaya:

Not exactly a glowing review of the Cushman Inc. for SEO here.  For those of you that didn’t know Meghalaya is a state of India.  That’s right, Mr. Skipah knows his geography!  This hayseed southern Indiana dude knows all things Indian.  Full disclosure:  Mr. Skipah actually thought there was another regime change in some third world country when he saw this.  I guess another Sunny Leone fan just had a kid out of wedlock and wanted to make sure he got the birth certificate right?  How they found me could be the basis for a college course in New Delhi on how the internet works.  Long story short, I have no freaking idea what led this person here.

Prepare divorce mediation data entry person:

Now we’re talking!  This would fall under the world famous game of pick-a-post on this one.  My love affair with lawyers is well documented on my digital love child.  The person who sought this out probably has no idea how the process works.  The clerk or paralegal prepares it and you get charged lawyer rates.  Lawyers eat Grade A beef at five-star restaurants and drive rare Italian sports cars on Sundays just for the hell of it.  If it is rainy they don’t care, they just send it on Monday to the detailer.  Depending on the hostility and utter stupidity that is your upcoming divorce, you may need to seek out professionals in the money grab game of family law.  I hope this person at least gained a little knowledge on whatever post they wandered onto.

Ten Minute Presentation:   

Again the Cushman Course has some serious flaws!  I’m as adept at public speaking as I am at explaining quantum physics to a room full of pastry chefs.  To the best of my knowledge , I’ve never so much as linked to a presentation course, again I’m clueless who found this site.  I hope it gathered this reader enough to at least b.s. their way through a college level speech final exam.  If this is the case reach out to me and I’ll design you your own custom t-shirt.  Just make sure when you hit it big you tell everybody that Skipah’s Realm taught you how to master public speaking.

Wife Cheat How Do I Know:

No surprise this poor sap found me.  How do you know?  Usually it starts with getting served with divorce papers.  You will feel like crap for awhile, it will hurt, and you will be spinning in circles for a few weeks or months.  Eventually all those feelings go away and you are now legally a free agent.  Other signs of your wife cheating are sudden changes in work schedules, weird phone calls six months prior, a sudden urge to find out how Brazilians wax their cats, all of these are telltale signs, young padua.  It sucks at first, but trust me it will get better.  You will need friends when you are in low places, so come join me and the gang at DivorceForce.com if your local pals won’t step up.  Or you can start a blog, that’s what I did, I also learned family law is above the law, but that is a post for another day.  It cost me a ton of money, but hey I’m still blogging :).

I Miss my Ex’s Dog:

I lost a dog in my divorce, it didn’t go to the ex, I just couldn’t land a kicking bachelor pad that allowed dogs.  I hope my beloved Suebee is eating T-bone steaks for dinner and gourmet pheasant for lunch!  She would be around six years old right now, so in dog years she would be roughly my age right now.  I think I’ll raise a glass in her honor and go remind my current pooch Karma she has a long way to go before she steals Skipah’s heart in the dog department! 

Evie Banko:

Evie Banko is a damn hero in the Jewish community!  I’m not Jewish, but my friend Anna is and has been linked a few times on this site, so maybe that is the connection.  Read up on Evie and you will have a whole new appreciation for your mild upbringing compared to hers!  Whoever found me with this search term, I want to thank you for the little education I just got.

About it for now, as you can see Cushman Inc. is well worth the extra coin for you to grow your blog.  Now I’m anxiously awaiting their next edition.  Hell, who knows, transexual lifeguards might show up on a web hit next time!

 

 

 

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8 Comments

  1. Pingback: Hawkeye Hunting

  2. Interested in transsexual life guards now? Maybe you just need to get a copy of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”. Was a great movie back when I was in college and drunk off my ass! Now that I am sober the movie sucks.

    India is one of the biggest attackers on the Internet. Do not make friends with them or people from China. Not sure what they have against other’s web sites.

  3. All I have to say is, wow. Oh, and ha ha ha!

  4. That made me a little dizzy.

  5. Damn, when I saw the links and Cushman Corp I thought my long lost rich uncle had found me. Now I am… disappointed… sigh!

Tell Skipah all about it!