Thirty nine years ago on this day I had enough of living on an umbilical cord and wanted some real food. So in a remote Georgia town outside of Atlanta called Jonesborough little Skipah decided six weeks earlier than planned he was ready to introduce himself to the world. Full disclaimer: My mother was never a resident of Georgia but travelling home from visiting my grandmother who lived in Baton Rouge, LA at the time. I’m 100% Hoosier and let her story be the benchmark for any expecting mothers who are travelling that close to the “given” due date. When I set foot in Indiana for the first time legend has it that flags were lowered to half-staff in upstate Gary, Indiana for the return of the prodigal son. Of course I’m full of shit and don’t remember a damn thing from September 1976, but I’ve had an awesome weekend so I’ll sew my oats for a little bit!
To rehash from Friday , I’m still trying to solve this spamming issue that has most of loyal denizens getting pushed in to the undesirable “spam” folder on my WordPress account. I’m pretty sure it’s not Hammy as he’s been celebrating my birthday weekend like it was his own since Friday. I actually had to check him for a pulse Saturday, but he just threw another vodka bottle at me and requested a cup of borscht. I just gave him canned beets with an ice cube in it instead and he didn’t seem to notice the difference. Plus I told him to clean up his manners around Miss Madison, after another round of profanities Miss Madison showed him how the attachments worked on a vacuum cleaner and Hammy finally went back to drinking vodka and updating his hothamsters.com dating profile. Today he was laying off more NFL action in his bookmaking ring for his Russian mob associates and promising to behave. I guess the “business” end of a vacuum tube will set any dwarf hamster straight!
Also Friday, Miss Madison gave me her own miniature Picasso that is currently sitting above the kitchen table. When Sloane saw it today she asked why it wasn’t sitting in a museum. In terms of gifts I’ve ever received out of “thought” this is definitely the best ever! The rest of the weekend with Miss Madison was spent cooking for her and in return she did my laundry again. I have never heard of anybody that loves to do laundry, but I love to cook so I’m calling this a winning deal for me! It actually wasn’t a tradeoff, we both volunteered and I think she takes pity on me. She demanded offered to rearrange my closet and when I told her she had free reign it was like telling a shopaholic she had an unlimited credit card. Watching her in action was breathtaking, it was like watching Patton command his troops in Europe during WWII (that’s World War II Kentuckian), needless to say Goodwill is about to get a hefty donation and my closet is now color coordinated by shirt and pants type. Getting a taste of domestication was pretty cool! Also instead of Black Mass as I mentioned on Friday, we punted and stayed home to rent “The Gambler.” Not the Kenny Rogers version although I’m sure it was probably better as this was the first movie I’ve ever seen that Mark Wahlberg mailed it in for a paycheck, it was frigging boring and terrible!
To quote Sloane “Where did that come from?”
Really I have been meaning to do this for the past year!
I had to bid adieu temporarily today to Miss Madison, and that gave me time to catch up on the “backstage access” of blogging life before the blonde bomber returned to her native Hoosier land. Since Skipah likes to think he is smarter than the average bear (and not to be cocky but usually is with some people) a few months ago before July 27th I was approached by a digital media company that wanted to pay me pennies on the dollar for all page views. It’s far from a get rich quick scheme self-hosted bloggers but free money is free money. Since early July I’ve netted all of seven dollars and change and the last two months have been my biggest ever! However I got to target a specific area of the country for more commission and revenue for page views. I chose the zip codes of 34957 & 34958 because I knew my second biggest blog stalker would never be able to resist once I lifted her IP address ban. Today I was rewarded or there is someone in the Vero Beach/Jensen Beach, Florida area that has spent almost three hours on my blog since 1:00 a.m. this morning. How miserable anybody can be to read that much of my blog at one A.M., please contact me I’ve been there and would love to help you. A nickel a page view, #winning! I’m not mentioning names but I’ll get a little personal for a second. GET A FRIGGING LIFE, YOU WON’T FIND NOTHING ON HERE TO HANG ME ON since July 27th, but hey thanks you stupid ass. If you are reading it for entertainment value please disregard the previous paragraph, give me your name and address and I’ll personally autograph a blog manuscript that I’m certain will be a conversation piece for many years to come!
In short apparently someone who is not welcome on this site returned, only this time she made me a little bit of coin! Personally, the Skipah is in lala land! While I was married I usually spent my birthday alone because of a southern Indiana festival that was going on. Not this year Miss Madison on Friday and Saturday, and Sloane on Sunday. Added bonus we all went out to dinner tonight because Miss Madison was in my area on an unrelated event that didn’t involve me. Dinner at the Olive Garden was a grand ole time and seeing Sloane and Miss Madison’s daughter act like a couple conniving thieves was beautiful! The only thing missing from the weekend was Miss Madison channeling her inner Marilyn Monroe and singing Happy Birthday to me, but I’ll take an organized closet and clean laundry instead any day of the week!
Dinner selfie (not pictured Sloane she has currently unionized and demands I speak with her steward for any pictures)
About it for tonight, to quote the The Beatles “They say it’s your birthday”, you are damn Skippy it was today! I reached out to Sophia Loren for a co-birthday party but she couldn’t be reached for comment. Upton Sinclair was in the afterlife writing a follow up to “The Jungle”, and I guess Juan Pablo Montoya was off racing somewhere. No big deal as I spent my special day with my favorite girl in the whole world (Sloane), and spent the whole weekend with Miss Madison. I’ll take today in stride tomorrow starts the countdown to the big 4-0!