The Good, The Bad, And the Hysterically Insane Day I turned 40!

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Pardon me if my words are running astray today, but there has been a cosmic shift in the winds as we steer to our next journey at Skipah’s Realm.  Much like Magellan on September 20th, 1519 the crew and I have set out on a new journey full of unknowns and adventure.  No, this isn’t a retirement post; bigger news is happening: THE SKIPAH TURNED 40!

Goodbye to the past life, hello mid-life!  Miss Madison and the gang helped me say goodbye to the thirties one last time with a little impromptu “Welcome to 40” pop culture party courtesy of this article from Mental Floss.  Shrouded in mass secrecy the past few days as details were being worked out, the girls outdid themselves this year!  Popping 40 balloons and reliving the past 40 years were both interesting and the accompanying YouTube montage that went with it had me welling up in tears with the hard work that went into it.

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I’m requesting 99 red balloons for my party in 59 years!

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Reading what happened in 1976 makes me feel old!

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#BirthdayBling!

Not in attendance at this grand gala was my pride and joy, Miss Sloane.  Since she lives where the grass is blue and Walmart doubles as an impromptu town hall, she wasn’t able to make the trip Monday night for the birthday eve celebration.  Why were we having two parties instead of one you may be asking?  Because Tuesday, September 20th the actual day 40 years ago that I came out kicking, screaming and bitching at nurses to get me a Diet Dr. Pepper was planned out in finite detail to go spend the evening with her.

We interrupt this current post for another episode in “Crazy Exes (sponsored by Summers Eve) That Have Abused the Family Court System,” like a teenage boy abusing himself with an issue of Playboy (for the articles of course.)  Long time readers probably know the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines better than most lawyers.  New readers, the IPTG clearly states that the non-custodial parent is entitled to have access to their children from 5:00 p.m.-8:00 p.m. on said parent’s birthday.  Don’t believe me?  Look at this!

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Yet another rule that gets to be broken on this otherwise worthless document known as the IPTG!

Since I work and live in Indiana, and my employer requests I stay there until 4:30 p.m. Eastern Standard/Daylight time the odds of me driving to Lawrenceburg, KY in 30 minutes are slim to none.  I couldn’t make the distance in 30 minutes if I had a helipad sitting outside my office with a Blackhawk fully fueled and ready for departure (Military Man bear with me here, I’m assuming).  Why is this relevant information?  Because I’m not dealing with a normal ex-wife/baby mama.

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I’m doing my own WikiLeaks document dump!

That’s right, my baby mamma won’t “release” our kid to me on my birthday even though it’s the state law.  Granted that state law isn’t a law only a guideline that gets shaped however a lawyer sees fit.  For that matter state laws aren’t even followed in family law.  Welcome to the game that I’ve had to play for two plus years!  Judges are former lawyers (usually), attorneys are like Levon, and those with the most money win (temporarily).  As for that softball bit I offered to take her to, baby mamma didn’t even attend.  I sent that original email on Sunday, and had to text baby mama today for a helpful reminder on a response.

I would start some kind of #SLOANECOMESBACKHOME fundraiser, but I’m done relying on others for help for legal funds.  Sloane is old enough to know what actions are evil and will get to choose her own path in due time.  Exes who think this is acceptable behavior are no better than criminals.  Using kids as chess pieces shows how morally bankrupt an individual is and even how much more a system “protects” their own in family law.

Dads (most of us in this situation) here is Skipah’s advice:  Kill them with kindness!  If you have an ex that is hell bent on using your child(ren) as a pawn, let them.  Document, document, document your ex’s actions.  That image you just saw of my email pattern is hopefully about to go viral on Twitter and every other social media account attached to me.  This madness has to end for single dads like yesterday!  I would say write your local Congressman but let’s face it most of them are attorneys also!  If there ever was a club that “protects” their own, it is lawyers!  Just ask yellow-belly Rick Scott (governor of Florida) about it.

Ok I’m off my soapbox, did this obvious act of hatred from Shamu (the wanna be killer whale) ruin my day?  Hell, no!  Have you seen my girlfriend, the party she and the kids threw for me Monday night was the best birthday party I’ve ever had since I was a kid.  I was smiling ear to ear all day, so dealing with my baby mamma drama was water under the bridge.  After sharing my saga with a few hundred of my friends today and hearing my X-chromosome friends use words that rhyme with bunt describing my baby mama just made it better!

About it for now, I think I’m going to experience my first full day as a 40-year-old with Miss Madison throwing darts at pictures of our exes.  Since I’m already well versed in voodoo, hopefully I can hit a few bullseyes.

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72 Comments

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  2. 40 is awesome! I hope its a great year for you! I am so sorry Sloane was not there. I bet she wanted to be. I hope that in the end like you say, she makes the choices that are in her heart.

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  5. Happy belated birthday Gary! Your ex-wife sounds like a shrew. Thank goodness for Miss Madison.

  6. Happy birthday my divorced friend. I think I heard the partying taking place all the way out here in California. And just an aside what ex doesn’t let her child spend a birthday with her parent?! WTF. I’ll buy you a Diet Dr. Pepper to celebrate the your full on 40ish day!

  7. Happy belated birthday!! And curses to the ex who refuses to co-parent. Such a sad situation all around, but I do like your “kill ’em with kindness” attitude!

  8. Glad you had a good celebration – love the balloon game! Shame about the crazy visitation situation. My ex is quite often a bit later than the agreed time to get the kids, sometimes even bringing them back. It’s not worth being petty about. I prefer to be informed if they are going to be later than 10min or so back to me so I know what’s happening (& he usually does inform me), but when it’s pick up, we just wait. It’s usually traffic. I always have them ready on time, because I think it’s kind of understood that, if you are the person who has them most of the time, you need to try to manage your time keeping so you don’t take away from the time the other parent gets them.

  9. How did I miss your birthday? It sounds like you had fun with the ones that you were with. I just don’t get your ex, she is spending way too much time trying to make your life miserable instead of focusing on making her life happy. How stupid of her to not realize that it will backfire in her face in the end.

  10. Happy 40th but just know that life WILL get better even if it doesn’t feel like that at the moment.

  11. A) Happy birthday! And it’s about damn time you entered midlife.
    B) I simply CANNOT get my head around your ex using her own child this way. But I agree, kids KNOW and it will all come back to your ex in time.
    c) Summer’s Eve reference was golden! And it makes a passable salad dressing in a pinch. 😉

    • I don’t want to enter mid-life! I’m currently building a time machine to prevent this :). Don’t even try to wrap your head around that nut job. I showed this to a good friend of mine that is a therapist and she said she’s miserable. So I take a little solace in that :).

  12. I hope all your readers caught the “Sponsored by Summer’s Eve’ reference, that is a classic! She should be thankful to have an ex that wants to spend time with his daughter! Hear that B*tchface?!? lol. <3

  13. Having maneuvered raising a son and being divorced I had to handle a lot of disappointments and the best remedy I found was to not put too much expectation into one single day. For example, I began to think of Christmas as a ‘season’ and my birthday as my ‘birthday month.’ It made me much happier in the end and lengthened the celebrations. Doesn’t mean it was easy though. 🙁

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  15. Many congratulations! Having two birthday celebrations is pretty cool too, as long as it still only counts as one year older.

  16. Happy Belated Birthday to the Skipah!

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  18. A belated Happy Birthday 🙂 Youngster 😉 If I read …. 1976 , wow that was the beginning of the big adventure called life … I was 15 then … old is always at least 10 years older than myself , all about the state of mind !

  19. Glad you had a good 40th birthday despite your ex’s pettiness. I remarried a month before I turned 40 … and my life took a big upturn – definitely life begins at 40 😊

  20. Happy 40th! Sounds like the ex-factor will be an ongoing thing, but she can never take away your awesomeness as a dad:)

  21. Happy birthday, Gary, woo-hoo! the big 4-0 (officially an adult, LOL!). I may have told you we have a close friend (he’s 40) who deals with his Satanic attorney wanna-be wife when it comes to their 8 yr old son. I always thank God my divorce was amicable (21 yrs ago) when the kids were 7 and 10 yrs old. Hang in there! Glad your party was the best!

  22. Happy Birthday! you are just a baby, 40 was great for me as I remarried. I am with you on crazy exes here’s a fun story: we drive from va to nj to pick up my youngest son and we are an hour late so satan says we can’t have him. My ex and my current have an argument and we take my son and yes he sics the police on us and because I didn’t have papers with me proving shared custody we can’t take him. And yes he presses assault charges that ultimately get tossed and laughed at by the cops. So yeah I feel your pain

  23. Ha ha divorce mediator? I can spin a business plan around that concept. 😉

  24. Happy Birthday! I shall also request 99 red balloons if I get to celebrate that birthday!

  25. Happy birthday! As a divorce mediator, I’ve heard that many times…unfortunately your exwife woes are common. Boooooo to the woman who won’t coparent. Only hurts the kids. Glad your day turned out good anyway.

  26. Happy birthday! Welcome to the club!

  27. The Big 4-0! Yay! Happy birthday, Gary!

  28. Happy Birthday Gary! Wow, 40, so very young you are my friend. Enjoy your day. 🙂

  29. happy, Happy, HAPPY birthday to YOU!

  30. Been fourty for a pair of years now (like 2)! Hope you don’t miss your younger years as much as I do. In my 30’s we lived in Colorado and I was still able to walk!

    Been hell since we left back in 2004. My life has been going steadly down hill fast. Thankfully we decided while we lived in CO to give my husband’s baby masking factory a snip. No kids to worry about. Without that free past time, I have no idea how we would have survived!

    Am sure your little softball player wanted to be there with you for your big event. I remember when my father went over the hill (trying to keep him from flashing the house full of people for a party he didn’t know about was a fun experience! He was cussing at my mom full force because she would not let him out of the bathroom naked. His parents, our neighbors, family friends from all over the country were there to witness what an idiot my father was! Served him right.

    Have a great next decade or two!

  31. Happy Birthday! So sorry it had to be the tiniest bit jaded by your ex. The other day Josh’s ex called, you know the one the kidnapped their son and drained every bank account, to ask for legal advice for her brother’s divorce. “Women are insane when they are going through a divorce huh?” Josh could only meet that comment with silence. She laughed, “I guess I was a little challenging.” No shit?

  32. Happy Birthday Gary! I’m happy you had a wonderful party and welcome to the 40 and over club. I totally agree that it’s foolish to use children as a pawn. She definitely should have allowed you to see your child. That sucks! But, you know what? Celebrate with Sloane this weekend and have another party.

    • Miss Madison Jr. slumber party this weekend, NINE count’em NINE girls including Sloane will be there. You need some company for an evening? I can cook, I know how to clean, we can make it a crab cake date :). Thank you for the birthday wishes, and my ex what can you say that hasn’t already been said LOL.

  33. Happy Birthday Gary! 40 is a great time, enjoy yourself!

  34. Happy Birthday !!!❤ What a lowlife! That Ms. Madison is a keeper!!!

  35. What a bummer that ex-y wouldn’t make some concessions! Although, I can’t say I’m surprised. 🙁

    Welcome to 40 😀
    I was at 40 a few years back, and I must say, life has gotten even better with every year after!

  36. Happy 40th, Gary! How’s the view on the other side of that hill? 🙂

    Guess the saying “stupid is as stupid does” applies to the ex quite well. Sorry you didn’t get that beautiful girl, but hope it only makes time with her that much better once you do get to see her again. Way to go, Miss Madison, for the awesome party!

  37. Happy Birthday !! Good luck …

  38. Happy 40th Skipah…and may every day henceforth be as super fantastic as this one!

Tell Skipah all about it!