Going through a divorce, Part 1
Hello, everybody, I’m a 37-year-old male who just got his divorce papers. Yippee huh, not so fast it involves the woman I’m still in love with but could shove through a plate glass window right now (not literally), a beautiful six-year-old daughter, and almost 17 years of mostly good times and memories.
Let me start by saying we were married on May 19, 2001, we started dating in November of 1997, I’ll spare the world the details but by enlarge it was a great marriage, definitely had its up and downs, but at the end of the day two people went to bed at night that knew the other loved them with all their heart. (Or so I thought)
All this started going downhill FAST about May 28th, I had a found yet another suspicious picture on my wife’s work phone (more on my snooping prowess later, it was justified, but in the end drove a wedge), and we had words about it, well in the meantime her best friend’s dad died unexpectedly. My marriage, my life, my world, everything would never be the same again. She and her best friend are tight as any two friends would be and her family had adopted my wife as one of their own so she was crushed also and ended up spending 4 days up there. In the mean time before she left I had no idea at that time she had already checked out of this marriage, she said we had problems and a lot of stuff to work on, hell this is two weeks after we had celebrated are 13th anniversary and 72 hours after we had afternoon sex in the frigging laundry room!!!!
The time she was away with her best friend was a big struggle for me, any one that knows me knows that I wear my heart on my sleeve and I don’t hide emotions well. I can’t thank my best friend enough, (for now, I’m not using names, the people mentioned know who they are) that particular week he helped me the best he could. I didn’t eat, all I did was drink, my daughter stayed at her grandparents literally I was a wreck. I couldn’t wait for my wife to get home so I could begin fixing things. If something is broken and I did it I want to fix it as quick as possible, that’s just how I roll… Four days felt like four weeks, trivial now that I look back on it, but I was a different person then. BTW Skipah was my childhood nickname and many still call me that, this story picks up on June 1, 2014, and is the beginning of Skipah’s Realm.
June 1, 201 4
It was a Sunday, she had gotten home late evening the following Saturday we didn’t talk about things much, but by Sunday it’s was pretty much you drink too much, you don’t interact with our daughter enough, you don’t let stuff go, you snoop too much, I want you to be a better person, get help for it. We have a lot to work on, never once did she assure me it would be alright. Clue # 1 that this was going to be a long month. At the time I weighed roughly 205 lbs. I don’t work out but regularly walk 1-2 miles a day but eat what I burn off. I hovered between 200-210 lbs. for that past 2 years. Well after that conversation I quit drinking period. It was hard at first (drinking has been a vice of mine for years, but lately when we were at a party or something I would end up BOMBED) and at home, I drank regularly in the evening started out as a few nights a week and ended up being 5-7 nights a week. I began to reinvent myself from that day forward and I’m still in the process, but more on that later. That week I made a doctor’s appt and they put me on Lexapro and Clonazepam, I made a therapy appointment (therapy six weeks ago I would have laughed at), and I started involving my daughter in anything I could. I still snooped, though, just couldn’t let that go due to an incident from four years ago. Not infidelity per se, but bad enough some men would have left. I didn’t, maybe looking back I should have, but I grew up without ever really knowing my dad, the last three times I remember talking to him was when I was in my 20’s when I was in high school, and seeing him at my great grandma’s when I was 8. Needless to say, I didn’t know my dad, and after I got older, didn’t care to. I never wanted my daughter to grow up with split parents. Well the month from hell continued on, I saw a text on her phone (wasn’t snooping) that mentioned Lexington and an I know bad, didn’t see the middle of the text but asked her about it and she just said it was a long day in Lexington. Clue # 2! In the meantime I’m taking Lexapro, Clonazepam for anxiety (it worked some), my daughter and I had never gotten along better, and seeing a therapy was making me realize things about myself I never knew.
Move along to the middle of June and things are still just ice cold at home, we barely talk, I walk around on pins and needles. Oh, also I just started going back to school, forgot to mention I was taking online classes at Indiana Wesleyan and doing pretty good. Well that Friday evening I was downstairs and at the time still knew her work account email password (she gave it to me, I’m crafty with computers but I’m no hacker), the urge to look overcame me and I saw emails between her and friend that would sicken any husband. Nothing graphic, nothing steamy, nothing sexy, but seeing your wife talk about having emotional feelings for someone else is quite the dagger. I confronted her about it and she played it off as ha-ha I caught you snooping again. Clue #3