Honky Tonk Honeymoon


Since I’m happily unemployed, albeit briefly I hope, I am still mulling over relocating to Kansas to apply for a job as a Witchita lineman.  Actually, I better be getting paid seven figures to move to the land of Rock Chalk Jayhawk, I’ve heard from my blogging contacts that Kansas is more boring than Indiana.  I found an opening for a pool boy in Galveston, Texas, but I swim like a rock and rock a speedo that would make a blind person blush.  I would move to Georgia to enjoy some southern nights, but it gets way too damn hot down south!  Indiana summers can be hell, in the south it IS hell!  I guess I should look for employment as a Rhinestone Cowboy, getting cards and letters from people I don’t even know would be awesome.  O.K. that is my tribute to Mr. Glen Campbell.  I’m sure only Tanya Tucker is more upset than I am.

This is what is known as getting desperate, this would potentially land me in jail after dealing with a stoner at 2:00 a.m.!

In case you didn’t know, this guy got married to Miss Madison recently.  Heads of state and celebrity were all in attendance to see us off on the craggy banks of Green Bay.  Since I do traditional about as well as I do the polka, we decided not to honeymoon immediately after the ceremony.  For one, my non-existent passport wouldn’t allow me to travel to the United Kingdom to go castle chasing and, second, Miss Madison had some extra curricular school activities she was off to for a couple of weeks.

Instead, we made up for the lack of a “traditional” honeymoon with an impromptu trip to the land of Country Music, Honky Tonks, and disappointed Tennessee Titans fans.  That’s right, it was a kid free/honeymoon weekend in sporty Nashville, Tennessee for two nights.  We saw more neon lights than a trip to your favorite flea market.  

Nissan Stadium were dreams go to die.  Just kidding Titan fans, my beloved Colts aren’t going to be good this year either.

Unfortunately for me, to get to Nashville I still have to take precautions to travel through the Commonwealth of Kentucky.  I haven’t checked in a while, but sources on the darknet tell me the bounty on my head is up to a carton of Marlboro’s, two cases of Ale-8, and 30,000 dollars in Walmart gift cards.  This time I sought passage disguised as a biker (Tour De France kind) and other than being laughed at about my outfit choices, we successfully made the Volunteer State in one piece.

Our first night in Nashville and, holy hell, I felt old fast!  Miss Madison decided we should be “trendy” and go hit up the hottest thing to hit Nashville since the summer of 2012!   That would be the Acme Feed and Seed club located at the end of the main drag.  Three floors and a rooftop of techno, pop, and some crap I can’t even describe make up this behemoth of a place.  Apparently, the place was running two for one bachelorette party specials because there were more brides to be cutting loose at the place, than at a David’s Bridal clearance sale.  Mr. Skipah was feeling like a geriatric and Miss Madison was a tad tired from the first day of teaching school, so we called it a night early.

Somewhere my great-grandma is doing the happy dance!  

Because you never know when you are going to see a couple selfie from us….it’s rare!  

Two selfies back to back?  This is becoming a habit!

Saturday I made the unfortunate mistake of saying, “Sure, we can go to the Opry Mills Mall.”  I am pretty sure Miss Madison roofied me at breakfast for me to agree to such shenanigans.  In what felt like a 20-year prison sentence for the amount of time we were in there, Miss Madison scoured every inch of the mall like a canine bomb sniffing unit at an airport.  I think we got out of there for just under two trillion dollars, but a happy wife makes for a happy home and I also got new sunglasses out of the deal.  Actually with the whole unemployment deal going on right now, we made the window shopping hall of fame, but I did get new sunglasses!

Since it’s Nashville an all, to quote Dierks Bentley “What was I thinkin’?”

Might have bought the boys back home one of these.  I’m talking about the frosted doughnut of course!

Saturday night Miss Madison had yet another free concert for us to attend at Ascend Amphitheater on the banks of the Cumberland River.  While most people were in town to see the Soul2Soul show of two no names performers known as Tim McGraw & Faith Hill, we were there to see our second dose of Postmodern Jukebox.  We caught them earlier this year in Cincinnati and loved it.  They didn’t disappoint this time either, for the finale it was the all boy acapella group known as Straight No Chaser.  I’ll keep the judgment to a minimum since these boys are all Indiana University grads, but this was definitely not our cup of tea so to speak.  How in the hell these guys are headlining is a mystery to me.  I would hire them for a wedding reception or a church picnic before I would actually go to see them again.  Yawn, yawn, and more yawn!  This gave us a perfect excuse to head off to world famous Wildhorse Saloon.

Another selfie, you would think we are photogenic or something!  Check out those new shades!

Would definitely make the drive again to see a show here, unless it involves Straight No Chaser.

Seeing them outdoors was way better than earlier this year when of course we saw them indoors.  Midwest weather in January dictates these kinds of things though.

They even have guitar glass slushies that kids aren’t allowed to have!  

If you have never been to the Wildhorse Saloon, then make sure you go your next trip to Nashville.  Even better if Tom Yankton is performing you can buy me a drink the next time we meet.  Mr. Yankton is by far the coolest cover artist in the history of the world.  There wasn’t anything he couldn’t play.  Country, Rap, R & B, pop, classic rock, your Sunday church organ, this guy had all the tricks up his sleeve.  Miss Madison and I had so much fun, I almost had her talked into taking line dancing lessons!  

I promise this will be the last one, it was our honeymoon dammit!  I need the physical evidence in a few years to prove to my friends that yes Miss Madison is my wife, she found my inner dorkiness cool!

I love a good French bargain as much as the next guy!

This place was wild!

We were on our way home when some wannabe grunge  cover band was playing across the street.  With this being our honeymoon and all and Miss Madison an OG head banger, we thought, “What the Hell,” and headed over to The Tin Roof for a nightcap and some 90’s alternative rock.  All in all a great day and weekend was spent in Nashville.  Also kids, remember to always Uber when in the big city.  It’s much cheaper than a taxi and the drivers have a personality!  

About it for now, on the trip home I dressed up like a Puritan.  I figured with it being a Sunday and all, I could waltz right back through Kentucky without any problem.  Except the folks in Elizabethtown, Kentucky thought I was the real deal so they had an impromptu construction project spring up to make sure I would come through town.  After explaining to them that my 12th generation uncle was indeed a deckhand on The Mayflower, they let us continue our journey back to Indiana, where we arrived safe and sound.

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  2. You all are sure living the dream!! A delayed honey moon is a great idea. Our 4 year wedding anniversary is days away and although we travel frequently, my hubby’s twin accompanied us on our “honeymoon” on our drive back to San Diego to take him home. I just booked a week in Hawaii for next January and this will be our honeymoon–no pets, relatives or driving! And you will find a job that suits you very soon!

  3. Wow! Thanks for taking us on that wild ride honeymoon of yours and introducing some of the sights and sounds in Nashville. Congrats again!

  4. Y’all are some busy, busy people. I’m busy, but like, do you ever REST?! Ever be like, “Let’s order a pizza and watch a movie?” Nah?
    I haven’t been to Nashville in 14 years, (not to have fun anyway) and I think we may go soon (to have some fun.)

  5. All we did on our honeymoon was go out and buy shoes since we had forgotten to pack them. Then we drove through the town we where spending the day at to look at their Christmas lights that night. Took a few good pictures of the displays. Not going to get into what else we did once we checked into our presidential suite that day, leave it all to your dirty mind!

  6. I don’t know how you get around so much, but it always looks like fun. Selfies are always accepted in my book!

  7. You fit all of that in on one weekend? I thought you were on your honeymoon.

Tell Skipah all about it!

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