Houston, The Internet has a Problem!

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The Skipah media tour picked up another Twitter follower today, apparently the Fox news affiliate in Houston, Texas must like what I’m retweeting (I seldom send out a personal tweet) because one of the weathermen there started following me today.  Still no word out of San Diego and KGTV for a collaboration but hopefully I’ll be featured on a T.V. screen soon in the Houston area informing Texans of the weather.  I think the weather in Houston goes something like this “It’s smoggy and equatorial like temps, 20% chance of rain daily because we are on the Gulf, unless a hurricane or tropical storm is spinning then good chance we will get a biblical amount of rain.”  Skipah coming soon to a Houston area T.V. station near you!

F.Y.I. young Skipah lived in Houston when he was a scant four year old boy trying to figure out life, 35 years later I’m still back to square one.

Back in March and June I wrote about the tales of how wacky internet search engines can be.  Since Sloane is imprisoned sleeping peacefully in Kentucky tonight, and Miss Madison is traveling back from a teaching conference that leaves Skipah with nothing much to write about.  Hammy is furiously taking late action on the NFL game tonight, and Rosy is sleeping peacefully as usual and since I could care less about the New York Giants or the Washington Redskins let’s do another round of Skipah’s Realm search engine queries.  These are actual search engine terms from citizens worldwide that have stumbled onto my blog.

Walmartians 2015

Completely could see how one would find there was to my site, I had a post titled Walmartians, and I’ve griped on more than one occasion of the idiocy that makes up 80% of the Walmart clientele.  Necessary evil for me unfortunately, and I’m still blaming Mr. Walton’s bargain paradise on my food poisoning episode from earlier this year!  Hopefully whomever it was that found my site got some useful tips on how to navigate Walmart.

KY

Yes, Yes, Yes!  Since this was found by an organic search I’m assuming it’s from the dying rare species of “intelligent” Kentuckians that actually know how to turn on a computer and look for something other than Big Blue Nation on the internet.  For those of you who don’t know KY is the postal abbreviation of the Commonwealth of Kentucky.  I’ve cracked more Kentucky jokes (most warranted) than a grand champion omelet chef has cracking eggs.  Live in southern Indiana and deal with these creatures from “across the river” and get back to me!  I’m actually lucky I live close to what can be described as “nearly” civilized Kentucky, residents of Louisville at least have some sense of how screwed up the state is.  Their county only funds roughly 70% of the whole state!  This search engine query gets a #winning designation!

How to start a travel blog

Not exactly an expert on this and with a credit score these days that would hamper me from financing a used spare tire (Isn’t divorce and a custody battle just awesome) I’m not going to go into the “travel” blogging profession anytime soon.  However, I have been blogging for a while so my advice is come up with a creative catchy title and take plenty of high quality pictures.  Send me any great shots you get of large bodies of water, lighthouses, and fresh seafood and I’ll crop and proof them for you!  Matter of fact SkipahLovesFreshSeafood.com would be a good start for your newly minted blog.  All kidding aside I love when I come across a travel blogger and see parts of the world I more than likely will miss before I expire on this planet.  Next month though Mr. Skipah will moonlight as a travel blogger (extremely low cost vacation) and I will try and provide everyone with as many pictures of Lake Michigan and it’s bounty of seafood when I’m in Door County, WI (that’s Wisconsin Kentuckian) and for my desert dwelling followers I’ll even send you pictures of what maple and oak trees look like in Autumn when the leaves change colors.

Mantras for cheaters

Skipah’s legal defense team has said zip it on this one, again let’s go with #winning for a proper designation.

Why it isn’t said “This one belongs to the Reds”

That’s Hall of Famer Mary Brennaman’s (Reds play by play broadcaster) signature quote on the radio when the Cincinnati Reds win a baseball game.  Why hasn’t it been said?  Because they frigging suck!  63-88 going into today’s action, I’m assuming this search engine query found me due to past blogs when I mention my undying albeit frustrating love for the Reds.  The only bright spot for the Reds this year is they won’t lose a 100 games and they started out 4-0.  I’ve got Cubs and Cardinals fans eating my ass this year, Cardinal fans I bow down to you, Cubs fans “bite me” you all have sucked for something like six centuries.

Mommalovesmoney.com

Again the Skipah legal defense team is telling me to tread lightly.  I’m not sure how this user found me searching for this.  My child support is “just” under my circumstances, I’ve never complained on the amount.  My only beef and many a dad is the child(ren) is half ours biologically so we should get them half the time if we are capable.  Unrelated note I am capable!  Bitter mommy sure you carried the kid for nine months, but guess what most of us pay the insurance now let’s call it even.  No man that I know of had anything to do with how biology worked out for the two genders.  Mommy nation with shitty exes I’m not trying to start a riot here and I feel your pain, I grew up being raised by a single mother.

Weren’t Sunny Leone’s parents mad or know what she is up to

Yes poor Sunny is still my number one search topic.  I could start and 18 and over blog on search terms alone for her.  I’m assuming her parents weren’t very happy to learn she became a porn star is all I can say.  I hope the young (or old) males in India that search for her daily haven’t grown hair on their hands yet and have more friends than just Rosy Palms.  I’m actually envious of you Indian folks, I would kill for internet that evidently streams videos (I’m assuming) at a much quicker rate than I can at home.

Those are yet some more unedited search terms that somehow found my little sector the internet.  Plenty more I didn’t publish so stay tuned in the future for some more insane search terms that somehow found the time to read Skipah’s daily musings.  To quote Sloane “People be cray cray!”

BJ’s wholesale website - DHGate.com
Send Skipah Sailing!

21 Comments

  1. I’m having a serious problem with the fact that you mentioned KY without following it with “jelly”. Total fail…

  2. I think you’re definitely going to be a sought after choice for Houston weatherman.

    Search terms always make me laugh. Love ‘KY’ (as a search term for your blog, not just going for confessions here!). I have a blogging friend who got ‘how do I get orange stains out of my underwear’ as a search that got someone to her blog (it really was a friend, it wasn’t me).

  3. Just thought you would like to know that with my new internet service, I no longer have the buffering problem. Haven’t been disconnected or lost my connection. It’s like… a miracle. 🙂

  4. I got last night “age of yogi bear are not yogi bear”. Usually I can figure out what they really were searching for, but this one? Nope.

  5. *trying not to swear*
    THAT was not the right link.

    this one —
    https://ourrumblingocean.wordpress.com/

    Now I am bloody spamming you. *really trying not to swear*

  6. If you really like foreign lands, I follow this adorable family blog, a photographer and his wife and son in South Africa. They have the most amazing pictures there. It’s one of my favorites.

    https://anarmchairperfectionist.wordpress.com/about/

  7. I’m going to put my ‘spam’ in a separate comment and see how we do.
    Walmartians is excellent. Did you invent that word?
    I wish all parents valued their time with their children the way you do. In my experience, it’s usually the dads who leave and try to get out of any and all responsibility and get caught up in girlfriends and whatnot, but I know moms do it, too.
    I raised stepchildren full-time — but she never failed to do the best she could. Can you imagine if all parents ever just did the best they could?
    Sloane is right, of course, people be cray cray.

    • I’m sure some body used it before me but I did create Walmartian out of the thin air, and guess what you didn’t get marked as SPAM! You are right it is usually a piece of crap father that shucks responsibility and that is the stigmatism good dads have to fight in custody battles. Indiana is fairer than most but if mommy wants to play rough she is more than allowed to and it’s not fair one bit!

  8. On the last comment I dropped my tablet as I hit send…somehow that added a completely unrelated link…

  9. I’m from Htown…though I have lived in Alabama exactly a year next Monday…Houston is home and I miss it everyday.

  10. You’re a hoot! When I first saw the “Skipah” I immediately thought of a Yank. Glad that isn’t so.

    As to Houston, it may have lots problems but smog is not one of them. Traffic jams are aplenty though.

Tell Skipah all about it!