No my “teeth” didn’t slice Miss Madison up!
Welcome back to my little sector of the internet. It has been a roller coaster three days of nonstop action on Skipah’s little island. Sit back, grab you a glass of your favorite wine (if reading in the evening, if during the day um…you might need to seek help, oh your Italian….never mind), or your favorite quaff in general. I’ve got a filthy rich hamster whose riding a gambling hot streak no hamster has ever seen, granted I’ve only met one hamster that gambles and swigs vodka like Hammy. Had an awesome weekend at various different times with both my favorite girls and I finally had that date with Katy Perry!
Due to things like life, work, girlfriends, daughters that live out of state, and an addiction to Diet Dr. Pepper fountain drinks Mr. Skipah hasn’t spent too much time this weekend in his penthouse overseeing the business dealings of Skipah’s Realm or talking smack on Facebook. Who took full advantage of this? Hammy of course, he hacked into the Wi-Fi again and spent two days betting on the ponies in nearby Lexington, KY on some Breeder’s Cup action. His commissary is now flush thanks to picking winners left and right over the two day period. His coup d’état was hitting the exacta on the yesterday’s Breeder’s Cup Classic race as he banged out the 4-6 combination of American Pharoah and Effinex. When I asked him what made him choose such a longshot to hit the board he informed me that he had carefully researched each horse in the field and he thought the six horse Effinex had the most value in the field. After I did a little research myself I went out and bought the little rodent authentic Russian caviar and some Stoli’s! He parlayed his horse handicapping prowess into mucho dollars and took the University of Tennessee to cover the spread against the University of Kentucky in college football last night. After that 51-21 shellacking I went to bed listening to him belch “Rocky Top” all night and proclaiming he “owned” Lexington!
Back this story up to Friday night and it was the long anticipated school Halloween Costume Bash sponsored by Goodwill! I may have made the sponsor up but area Goodwill stores should have been cashing in last week with all the awesome costumes I witnessed that were homemade. Miss Madison and I went as none other than Katy Perry and Left Shark. Who is Left Shark you ask? He was the shark during the Super Bowl last year that went off script and started dancing a fool all by himself. Kind of like Mr. Skipah has been known to do! Miss Madison was attending her first ever costume party as an adult and is eagerly looking forward to the next one after we and everybody else rewrote the book on what fun is.
The Samsung Galaxy 6 let me down on this picture!
Miss Madison’s mom get’s full credit for the creation of my costume!
We hung out with Batman and Robin (although I don’t remember Robin having boobs in the movies or the television show), Barney and Wilma Rubble (still my favorite cartoon of all time), a couple of playing Army characters and a pair of folks from the Steampunk genre. What is Steampunk? A geek’s wet dream combined with extras from a Mad Max movie gone wrong. Pipe down Geek Nation, I’ll give the costumes an A+ for detail and originality. I’m on the board of directors of The Dork Commission so keep the hate mail to a minimum please. Miss Madison was wondering if they were trying out for the sequel toWild Wild West that she hadn’t read about in her late night TMZ addiction that she has kept in the closet! Richard Simmons was the emcee for the evening and has usual he and his company did a fantastic job of playing to the crowd….I.E. 1980s music and early 90s mixed in with the stuff our own kids listen to now. Even Jessie from Toy Story fame was in the house, and was a bigger hit than the last time someone showed up dressed like the fictional cowgirl.
Batman talked me in to one part of a Maple Leaf Surprise!
Thankfully the Joker never hijacked the party! Batman and Miss Madison were conspiring against me by the end of the night! Needless to say I’m stuck (awesome) with Miss Madison until the Kentucky Derby!
Saturday Miss Madison and I had to bid farewell with each other so she could spend a few hours with Turtle Man and Miss Madison Jr. before they were off to pillage Madison, Indiana in search of sugary sweets. I had to run another covert top secret mission into the state of Kentucky to extract Sloane for the evening so she could plunder New Albany, Indiana out of all the candy her little basket could hold. Thankfully it was Halloween so my straw hat and corn cob pipe disguise didn’t draw any attention and no one in that state was able to collect the 2,000,000 USD bounty for my capture! Oh wait that attire would never draw unwanted attention in central Kentucky. Needless to say what little time I spent in Simpsonville, KY was a cross between comical and unbelievable! Although I did manage to nab a $7.00 long sleeve T-shirt at the Oakley outlet store waiting on Sloane, so I got that going for me at least.
Redefining cool at bargain prices!
I want to meet the man or woman that buys 50 cans or smokeless tobacco! WTF, this has to be posted as a law? Sorry on the picture quality I had to take it covertly!
We had a personal invite from Disgust of Inside Out fame (who also moonlights as one of Sloane’s good friends) to rampage the streets of her neighborhood. Two hours later and two whooped parents later the girls had enough candy to retire a dentist by the age of twenty five. Sloane loved her peacock costume so much from last weekend, she chose it again for her Halloween costume. I guess Elsa from Frozen will just have to wait until next year. I can’t thank Disgust and her parents enough for the invite as Sloane had a blast of epic proportions and I got enough walking in to burn off all the calories of every damn Reese’s Cup Sloane kept giving me! If she didn’t look, talk, and act like me I swear I would demand a paternity test! Why that kid doesn’t like peanut butter is a mystery that will go down with the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa!
My little peacock!
Today, I had to return my princess to the land of everything backwards as I only had her for Halloween. It is my “non” custodial weekend but dad’s year on the trick or treating fun. I successfully evaded capture in Simpsonville, but not before a close call of a want to be biker gang! I guess owning a motorized scooter qualifies as a “hog” in Kentucky because after drop off of Sloane two morons driving effing scooters thought they owned the gas station I was at. I’m not going to belittle anybody’s financial situation, HOWEVER, getting smart with sales clerk at the counter while trying to argue winning lotteries tickets and you drive a scooter? Well you might be a Kentuckian! It’s called a bar code you morons, learn what computerization is, put down the Ale 8, and go ask Alex Trebec for a freaking clue!
Kentucky Harley! I was ready to pop his tires out of spite for treating the clerk like a piece of trash!
Once I returned to the land of Hoosiers it was a few errands and then off to the pearl of Jefferson County, Indiana otherwise known as Madison, Indiana. Home of none other than Miss Madison (what a coincidence), helped her get some things done and although some of our plans had fallen through (thank you work) I made her dinner as I promised I would earlier in the weekend. Buffalo chicken, roasted vegetables, and salad (she prepared) were on tap then a walk in the local neighborhood park before I returned home this evening. Kentuckian’s buffalo chicken refers to the sauce the chicken is coated in not animals you want to have sex with or have had sex with. Just wanted to clarify that for my south of the Ohio River border readers! I only kid because I care with my Kentuckian readers (most of you), it is a birthright and for crying out loud quit making the jokes so damn easy!
I can’t explain in words how much I enjoy cooking for Miss Madison!
She’s Nordic by nature, I’m not! It’s a tad chilly today in southern Indiana!
About it for tonight as I’m running a little long and want to watch the World Series game and hope Aaron Rodgers doesn’t torpedo me on a fantasy football win this weekend. This weekend with Sloane and Miss Madison was awesome, and I get Sloane all week after Monday night which she and I are excited about! She even gave me a big country hug earlier this morning when she figured it out this morning. To say she misses her dad and hates her current living arrangements would be an understatement! In two weeks either the war of karma versus bitterness plays out to its crescendo, or maybe not nothing at this point would surprise me! Whatever happens I’ve won the imaginary war, my little girl has voiced her opinion to many and others can deal with the consequences! Sloane has been my secret weapon from day one, come hell or high water, she will get her say!