Title quote by Ellis Boyd “Red” Redding, if you don’t know who he is then you need to quit watching Fifty Shades of Grey and up your movie intake!
Breaking news in the world of Skipah, Blogger Digest has named me one of the most eligible bachelor’s in blogger world! I have to submit a dossier of selfies and cheesy pick-up lines. Any help would be appreciated, since “Baby did it hurt, when you fell from the heavens because you look like an angel” is already taken. This is the most exciting news I’ve received since I learned what female breasts were! I’m also up for most stalked blog of the year in the awards category! Who knew all this fame and notoriety would come to me in just about a year! Throw in nominations for the Liebster Award, Most Exciting Blogger, Most Versatile Blogger, The Coolest Green Eyed Blogger, The Baddest Blogger that wears a size ten and half, anyway you get the point. To quote Doc Holliday “Wyatt, I am rolling”, seriously the WordPress make believe awards are just over the top anymore. I’m always flattered to receive a nomination, but it just takes up way too much time to do one of those posts. However, I’m wearing my Blogger Digest nominations like I just got a second place ribbon at a middle school track and field event!
No blonde bomber tonight she is off to the nursing home for her mandatory prison camp stay, why do I call it a prison camp. Well Sloane left me one zinger last night that I just have to share. Mr. Skipah was feeling a tad under the weather the past 48 hours (go to hell you frigging pollen/mold Nazis) and after a weekend of fireworks and fishing ole dad just needed to chill out so he could actually try to breath. Literally asthma patients without an inhaler were having better luck than me yesterday. My past two days I’m eating Allegra like gummy bears, and even started an IV drip of sinus medication (just kidding, took that in pill form also) so yesterday evening when Sloane wanted to play bouncy ball I had to tell her no. Dad needed to chill out so he could attempt to work today. Sloane was a little miffed by this, and I asked her what does she do at the other house when she is bored? Play on the tablet and watch TV, well I have an IPad and TV so what’s wrong with that. Because we do things together and at the other house someone goes up stairs to talk on the phone with Mr. Wonderful and tells me to quit interrupting her. Now I’m sure that was slanted for my benefit from my manipulative little seven year old but the message was loud and clear. The fact she looks up to me for fun times and is resigned to doing nothing for the most part when away from me actually broke my heart and pissed me off at the same time, but hey July 27th will be here before I know it, the karma gods better be keeping track of this shit!
Since the aforementioned sinus/allergy I hate the effing Ohio Valley syndrome grabbed me by the balls guess who was up at two in the morning blowing his nose and wishing he could secretly transport himself to the Pacific Northwest for a decent night’s sleep. I’ll bear you the suspense it was me! Since I’m still only know a handful of Time Warner Channels off the top of my head and was pretty sure the Reds weren’t playing I stumbled upon NBC at 2:00 in the morning. Then I thought I was dreaming as a NASCAR race was finishing up at that time of night. It said it was live, I even punched myself in the head to make sure it wasn’t a dream. Ouch that hurt, so I watched the last two laps of that, watched a guy get wrecked so back I thought he was dead (walked away), literally his car was went from a full sized stock car to a midget sprint car in a matter of seconds. Safety technology is amazing. After coming down off seeing that and the consequent interviews I settled in on NBC because I figured it would be boring enough to make me go back to sleep.
First up a replay of Meet the Press, Tim Russert is probably rolling over in his grave to see what a mockery this has become. Of course they showed an interview with presidential hopeful Ted Cruz who is monotone enough I thought that would put me to sleep. Nope, on we were to Hilary Clinton and her lassoing journalist for some fluff political 4th of July walk in some town that I’m sure nobody likes her in. Then it was on to the daily is Donald Trump bad for the G.O.P. since he stated what the whole country (non politician) division thinks about the illegal immigrant problem in this country. I really hope Trump sticks around sure he has no shot of winning but calling bullshit without a care in the world will be refreshing.
After Meet the Press we were closing in on 4:00 a.m and getting into the “danger zone” for sleep and the dreaded wake up for work alarm. Did you know there was an “early” Today show? I had no idea! A resort in Orange County, Florida caught on fire and some cool pictures of a lighting storm over Disney. Billy Joel got remarried for like the umpteenth time, he gets older they get younger. She was 33, he is like sixty something. In my reincarnated life I’m learning how to rock a piano, also Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher supposedly got married (had no idea he’s not with Demi anymore, nor do I care since I pay no attention to this shit) Ashton at least caused a hell of an uproar on changing tables in Men’s restrooms earlier this year.
The U.S. women’s soccer team took out 74 years of frustration on the Japanese in a royal ass whipping in the Women’s World Cup (it’s soccer, meh) however seeing someone kick it over the goalies head from midfield for a hat trick (that is three goals Kentuckian applies to hockey also) was pretty cool. No Brandi Chastain moment this time so the sports bra hall of fame can still keep her picture front and center at their facility. After that it was 5:00 a.m. and shit! Grabbed the laptop checked my email blog stats and said “screw it” I had planned on going in early anyway.
About it for tonight I’m not 18 anymore so running on allergy/sinus meds and no sleep is catching up to me. Fellow bloggers if you have a stalker out there and they afford you the opportunity to out them the amount of traffic you garnish is amazing! Biggest weekend I’ve had since I wrote about a belt! Also I do not recommend NBC after hours if you are trying to go back to sleep, next time I’ll cue up Sloane’s DVR episodes of Jessie, well wait I always stare at Amy Ryan’s breasts!