Day three into my new college career and so far so good! Had a little too much to do last night to blog but I’m all caught up so let’s get the weekend kicked off with America’s newest hobby….blogging! (and the British apparently also) There are more of us than an Indian masturbation club, and we all have our own various reasons for doing it; Therapy, self-promotion, fashion, how to win a toaster really pick a topic and you can find somebody who blogs about it.
The princess finally came home yesterday and the past two days have been…..um…….interesting to say the least. Upon arrival at the lair yesterday I immediately knew something was out-of-place. Once inside Hammy had managed to escape and evidently hacked my computer a few days ago because Amazon packages were sitting all over my living room and he was eating my peanut butter and crackers and drinking a beer and bitching it tasted like shit while watching The Americans season two that he evidently ordered. The next hour of his life will forever scar him because the blonde bomber thought it was cool that he escaped. His little eyes got as big as quarters when she came running after him and it was time to get “medieval.” Interrogation methods included running around the house at full speed yelling “I’m home did you miss me Hammy” for about ten minutes until she her self was tired. Pretty sure Hammy threw up or just took a big dump.
Next it was the
torture ball for 20 or so minutes with her pushing the ball faster than his little legs could keep up. I’m not a veterinarian but I’m willing to bet Hammy flipped over enough times that he has a grade one concussion. He’s a tough seasoned veteran though because while slurring his words and saying he was seeing three of everything he still muttered some Russian curse word, Sloane decided he needed a break and decided to push him around in her mini Barbie car until she got frustrated with him because he kept trying to escape, finally in a “hamster gentrification” tactic she locked him up in her doll house that had Hammy ready to jump off the balcony. This was the last straw though as he revealed where the lost Nerf ball was at. He wouldn’t give up any vital KGB information but Sloane and I got to enjoy some Nerf hoops again for once. As for Hammy his last words for the night were “morphine” and he also asked me if he could have a conjugal and said see Demetrius on the west side and tell him Agent X1231 was requesting a soda and he will know what to do. I said rest up little buddy we can watch basketball tomorrow. Quite the extensive network the KGB hamsters have in southern Indiana.
This concludes the Hammy portion of tonight’s post, publisher’s take note. The hamster spy ring in this country is real and I can be the voice of reason because I live it every freaking day!
This school issue I wrote about a couple of nights ago and other issues are coming quick and fast, and I’m pissed off to the hilt! This is the product of not seeing your child for eight days. She has been mind f!cked, by selfish self-serving adults in her life. No father, actually no parent should have to spend their first day back with their daughter in over a week correcting the number of ex wife’s her future stepdad has had. It really shouldn’t even be up for discussion. If you are too ashamed and fib the number four into the number three that’s great. All my four-time divorcee friends like to shave that last one off also, oh wait I don’t have any friends that have been divorced four times (that I know of).
Having your daughter ask if she can be in a future wedding and I won’t get mad at her is not something I shouldn’t have to talk about either, I’ll give my daughter major props for showing her own internal integrity something she apparently learned from me, but I’m not going to say no and frankly “I don’t care.” Spending thirty minutes with her after she went to bed because at the age of seven she is worried about getting dumped when she dates because of seeing her father get “dumped” and how bad I took it initially, wasn’t exactly the homecoming I was looking forward to.
My response to whoever is reading, go away! Pack your bags get the hell out of here and just f!cking go away. I’ll handle my daughter the best way I see fit and it will always be with her interests in mind. I’m the good parent, I was in June, I was in July, I was any other month the past year. To any adults that keep mind f!cking my daughter just stop immediately get out of her life and go live your new one. After last night and my sweet and innocent seven-year old is worried about getting “dumped” and potentially not going to be able to attend her current school was the final straw for me. My daughter is hurt and wounded and like her old man she’s holding it in. Last night she cracked a bit, tonight she’s been bouncing around like she mainlined sugar all day (kids are resilient) I don’t hold it in anymore and blogging is the reason why!