I’m a Winner In the Game of Life

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I could totally pull off the Flat Cap look!

In the great state of Indiana, even number years are dad’s weekend to rock for Labor Day.  If you think I let this opportunity slip, you are a deadbeat dad or lost in the 100 acre woods.  Miss Madison, Sloane, and I had more fun than a degenerate gambler with unlimited credit at a casino!  Let’s recap, shall we!

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Holiday weekend: The annual precautionary call to the fire department…….check!

What could possibly happen when yours truly is on an epic Netflix bender diagnosing the latest House of Cards episode when I suddenly had the urge to make sure my eyelids were void of any holes?  Need I remind you we have a precious little puppy in this house that evidently was luring me to sleep telepathically with secret Tibetan Monk chants.  It is at this point of the story I should advise my loyal readers that this little puppy spends her nights in her recently acquired dog penthouse that has more room than a Chevy Spark.  However, this wasn’t good enough for Karma, between one too many Underwoods and her insistent hypnotic chants, her mission was achieved and she had free reign of the house Friday night after she had me counting sheep and dreaming of candy apple red Corvette Stingrays before she could be detained.

That sound you heard Saturday morning Clarice wasn’t the lambs screaming.  It was my size 10.5 slipper firmly lodged in Karma’s ass!  If I didn’t know any better, she had more fun this weekend than I did!

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Karma had her own little Labor Day party this weekend!

A little bump in the road on an otherwise glorious weekend.  Saturday my lovely duo of ladies and I headed to Kentucky’s homage of King Louis XVI (that would Louisville, KY for you non-history buffs) to take in some of the sights of the Frazier History Museum.  Miss Madison, a well-known Lewis & Clark Expedition aficionado, was curious to see if the museum’s latest exhibit was up to snuff.  Apparently it wasn’t for her, but Sloane thought the museum was the coolest thing since the latest in Barbie bling.  I will say the Prohibition Era exhibit (the dumbest idea America ever had before the current presidential candidates) was very informative.  Now that I know how an underground distillery works, there could be a blossoming business opportunity forthcoming!  Who wants some SkipahShine?  We are currently only offering apple flavored (it’s in season in Indiana) but our pumpkin line of shine should be in production in a few weeks.  I’m also currently working on an underground pipeline to obtain lingonberries from Sweden for Skipah’s Swedish Surprise Moonshine!

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I got the same look from Miss Madison the other day when I suggested we go shopping for a new 60-inch T.V.

Unbeknownst to us, the World Fest was also going on in Louisville that day.  The World Fest was…ummmm…interesting to say the least.  The food looked and smelled heavenly, the vendors were selling the finest in Chinese and Taiwanese cultural imitation goods, and the actual “countries” that were represented had booths that any standard 4th-grade student council could have set up.  This wasn’t exactly EPCOT’s parade of countries, more like borrowing your cousin’s folding tables and having your kid write Cameroon on a piece of paper and call it an exhibit.  Thankfully it cost nothing to attend, and thanks to Arthur Blank and the marketing arm of The Home Depot, Sloane came out of it with a new birdhouse that she assembled herself.  Because let’s face it, America, when you think of the world and all of its culture the Orange Store ranks up there with polka music and petting Kangaroos in Australia.

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I was looking for an autographed picture of Linda Hobden, but these whacky British transplants had bought them all up!

The rest of the power packed weekend was filled with board games and more board games.  Since Sloane evidently has asked her mom to play everything from Candy Land to chess when she isn’t with me and has learned that Bonanza reruns and guzzling ALE-8 is more important than some one on one time, we had a few epic battles of Cranium and “You can be a winner” (showing my age here) at the game of Life!

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I offered to buy this for Sloane, she then immediately kicked me in the shin and promised to date the leader of a biker gang when she gets older.

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My career as an entertainer didn’t quite pay the bills as I finished a distant last!

About it for tonight, I heard a rumor this NFL thing is kicking off tonight.  I may or may not be betting on a group of wild horses out of Denver, so I need to go analyze this game for my future lifestyle column that is being created for me on NFL.com.  Just kidding…maybe!

BJ’s wholesale website - DHGate.com
Send Skipah Sailing!

34 Comments

  1. Pingback: Flushing a Mole -

  2. Lol looks like a pretty fun weekend! The dog part was pretty funny. Only because it happened to someone else…not when my dog does it lol!

  3. Sounds like you’ve been having a lot of fun, Gary. I think it’s great that Miss Madison and Sloane now know all about distilling Skipahshine. It’ll give the leader of that biker gang something to drink when he comes round your house in a few years.

  4. I thought this sounded like a great weekend until I heard there were no autographed pictures of Linda!

    • I know right! I had been telling Sloane about the world famous Linda and how I am friends with her (Facebook friends count as friends…right?) and was going to get her a signed picture. Sloane is still chafed about it!

  5. Put me on the list for some Pumpkin SkipahShine!

    That Karma, always comes back to bite you in the ass. Or in this case, tear apart your home.

  6. Miss Sloane is just getting to be too beautiful. You do whatever you have to do to keep that biker gang leader out of the picture!

    • HOPEFULLY, with a few things going on I that I can’t talk about with out getting dragged into court I’ll have full custody by next year and can “monitor” this stuff a little more closely LOL.

  7. Sounds like a fun weekend, wish you were my dad but that would be weird. You named your dog Karma, too funny.

  8. I was mesmerized by the fire! Good Lord Man! Congrats on the Denver win! Glad I didn’t draft Cam Newton…js

  9. I’m a little insane myself. Loved reading your post.

  10. “the vendors were selling the finest in Chinese and Taiwanese cultural imitation goods” HAHAHAHAHA

  11. Ha ha! Karma ruled the day! I didn’t know about Ale8 either but I have just read the comments above where you explained it. Mind you, I love motorbikes … ! Thanks for the nod at the Brit stall … I think ….I’ve got a Union Jack cushion btw … 😊

    • It’s the WORLD FAMOUS Linda Hobden!!!!!!!!!!!!! She commented on my website #pinchme. The Brit stall was about the only on that looked “o.k.” at least it had authentic British stuff. Pictures would do how cheesy some of the booths actually were.

  12. Love reading about the insanity that is your life!

  13. Love your stories! Our dog started out eating everything in the house (well mostly MY stuff) but grew out of it thankfully. Hopefully, so will Karma (love the name). Glad you had a great long weekend!

  14. I don’t even know what Ale8 is, but I doubt it’s bad enough to be worth Sloane spending time with bad boys. Of course, part of me is like, “A little time with a bad boy is good…” *achem*
    Sorry about your destructo-dog. She’s obviously hunting for teething tools!

    • It’s like KY’s own homegrown Mt. Dew. I always needle her with Ale-8 jokes because she hates it. As for destructo dog…ugh. In about two more months there isn’t going to be a place in the house she won’t be able to reach. True story, this little locksmith somehow got a cabinet door open just enough to chew off the plastic child lock, then opened it fully and treated herself to a full box of Brillo pads!

  15. Oh man, you don’t like Ale-8? It’s pretty great outta the bottle. 😃

    • Not really, but my silly and bitter ex-wife should read this about 9:00 a.m. Friday morning and Sloane’s stepdad drinks the stuff like it’s liquid crack so I am always cracking Ale-8 jokes with Sloane. Plus my ex-wife gets to use her RBF at work every time she reads about Ale-8 on here. It’s a win-win!

  16. Wow, so much culture their in your neck of the woods! Lots o’ leisure with museum, food vendors, game time! Gotta love it!

    • You California Girlz have no idea of the cultural hotbed of the Kentuckiana area! Nevermind that more people around here own a gun permit than a library card. LOL. Thankfully I met Miss Madison she’s a cultural ninja (also I don’t have a gun permit, btw)

  17. Karma. She is aptly named. You know, I think you could sell tickets to your life. I’d buy one! Hell, I’d LOVE to be a fly on the wall!

Tell Skipah all about it!