July 20th, 2014

Good evening everybody, Wipe and Clean in Clarksville still sucks but they  were kind enough to loan me a laptop until they get mine fixed.  Has been a pretty eventful weekend for me, finally caught a couple of breaks got a bunch of stuff done and I found who HE is (pretty sure), didn’t have my daughter the last two nights and that sucked but I’m adapting a lot better when she isn’t here than I was three weeks ago when we separated for good.  I’ve managed to royally piss off the soon to be ex and that is always fun now, she’s been playing me like a fiddle for the last two months.  Well I taught myself  a new instrument also; let’s just say “I’ve got another chip at the poker table.”

Like I said overall it’s been a good weekend! My daughter and I knocked another thing off the bucket list Friday evening; it turned out to be a great night even though we had to go with plan C.  We originally were going to see a movie but they all started too late and she had to be up early on Saturday.  Plan B was to go over to her friend’s house for a swim party, but Mother Nature didn’t like that idea.  So we settled for a movie and pizza, sounds simple, well it is, but it was on our bucket list and we knocked it out.  She ate like a horse, most pizza I had ever seen her eat.

By the way, the Lego Movie isn’t very good, but that’s ok we had a fun and she liked it and that is all that matters these days.  Saturday morning, I had to go to a function with her that her mother would usually attend (more on that later) and was actually dreading it, but I got to say I actually had a pretty damn good time.   Let’s just say a whole pack of 6-7 year old girls and few other moms can be pretty damn funny.  We all have the same stories, these are things I’m starting to figure out, we all have kids and they all do the same silly things that used to drive me nuts not too long ago because I thought mine shouldn’t do that.  Well I’m the idiot, she is a child and no different than most other children.  Since I’ve learned that things have come much easier for me when it comes to dealing with my daughter on things.  I’m also learning I’m going to need to learn some basics on doing little girls hair (and if anyone wants to call me a gay, you can kiss my ass it’s my daughter!)

I’ll learn, not worried about that the more I can keep it normal for her the happier she and I will be. Onto the soon to be ex, she was out joyriding Friday evidently and landed at I’m assuming her new man’s place.  She evidently doesn’t know what a how easy it is to be tracked, so I gave her a quick education.  She was somewhere she wasn’t supposed to be I can’t really say I was hurt; I’ve known it was somebody.  Finding out who doesn’t really bring closure to this situation, but WOA it sure changed the playing field a little bit.  After finding out you sit back connect the dots and after beating my head against the table for 15 minutes (not literally) I realized everything then and there this marriage was over in May, and she played along I guess until she couldn’t stand it anymore and then put me through hell, I don’t think that was her intentions but evidently she didn’t realize how much I loved her.

I’m always going to love her, she is my daughter’s mother and a damn good one, we had almost 17 years of mostly good times but it’s over.  I didn’t want it, I didn’t accept it at first, but it is what it is.  It’s over, I’ve accepted it.  Took me a couple of weeks to finally wrap my head around it, but I’m not in love with her anymore.  I never thought those words would have ever come out of my mouth, but situations change, life changes.  At least that was the stuff she told me, lol.  Well she was right, she forced my situation to change and I didn’t handle it well at first, but I’ve got my feet back under me now though and looking forward to what I have to do to make my life and my daughters as normal as possible.   Since she had to take her mandatory parenting class Saturday morning, I got to take our daughter to her function, but like I said it was a hell of a good time.  More beneficial to me than my soon to be ex will ever understand. Well last night I had finally had enough of her disrespectful Pinterest posts and posted couple of things of my own on Facebook (since taken down) how did she react?  Like a child is how, blocked me and defriended anyone associated with me even if she was friends with them.

Pretty stupid, but just follows a pattern of irrational behavior that hasn’t made sense for a while now.  Her image isn’t going to be the same either the quicker she comes to grips with that, the simpler life will be for her.  Being bitter doesn’t help anybody; I learned that the hard way, guess she will have to also.  She chose this as I like to remind her, for every action there is a consequence, the quicker she comes to terms with this the easier this is going to be for her.  So anyway, quite humorous watching her act likes a child.  Her sister on the other hand is just a frigging moron; I’ll enjoy watching her self-destruct even more through this process.  I use to think of her as my own sister, I was actually closer to her than I will ever be with my own biological sister, but she chose to burn that bridge not me.  Seeing both of them miserable this weekend did bring me a lot of pleasure, sounds sadistic well walk a mile in my shoes since the end of May.  I’m calling this weekend “Redemption Weekend”, the soon to be ex and the soon to be ex sister in law can pound sand.

The one thing that really sucks though is dealing with my in laws; I have no axe to grind with them.  I know they love my soon to be ex as much as I love my daughter, but I always felt like I was the son they never had and that is gone.  Don’t get me wrong I’ve said plenty of negative stuff about both of them, but since this has all gone down I can tell they are deeply affected also, it just sucks.  I can’t have normal conversations with them now because of everything going on.  I know they love there only grandchild more than the world, and will always have her best interest in mind, and I know they love me and I always will love them.  They didn’t raise me, and they have driven me batshit crazy over the years, but it just sucks.  They are an integral part of my daughter’s life, and my life for that matter and it just isn’t going to be the same. Anyway I think I’ve said enough for tonight, I’m actually kind of tired and got a busy day at work tomorrow.   The people that have listened to me bitch, moan, whine, sob you all will all will always have a debt on me that I will never be able to repay, and I thank each and every one of you :).

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