Long before I was ever divorced or remarried, there was always one constant in my life–a somewhat unhealthy (at least that is what Miss Madison claims) crush on a certain pop performer. I haven’t sent any overzealous fan mail or anything…as far as anyone knows…., so let’s just say I’m a big fan of her work. The fact she is easy on the eyes is just an afterthought….everyone can nod accordingly before calling me a creepy old man. So what exactly am I talking about?
I FINALLY GOT TO SEE Katy Perry in concert! Last weekend at Bankers Life Fieldhouse in beautiful Indianapolis, yours truly, Sloane, Miss Madison Jr., and my darling wife all made the trip north to our state capital to take in Ms. Perry’s performance. The Turtle Man wanted to come along, but we sent him off to his dads’ to watch WWE wrestling and talk about various ways to field dress a deer. Plus, at the tender age of six we didn’t know if he could take in over two hours of Perry magic without a minor meltdown…plus Ms. Perry doesn’t offer child discounts and the GDP of Tunisia is akin to the ticket prices, that being said you definitely get what you pay for as the four of us were far from disappointed.
We almost didn’t make it to the show since Miss Madison had some T.J. Maxx birthday gift cards that are apparently going to require years of skin grafts, because they were lighting a fire in her pocket so much I think she might have suffered third degree burns. So what happens during Christmas shopping season with a bargain hunter fashion diva ninja, and her two little dragon diva trainees? Pure misery for this guy! Every dude reading this, you already know what I’m talking about! I’m not sure how long we were there, but I read six e-books, changed my fantasy football line-up at least a dozen times, and I’m pretty sure I grew a full beard. This paragraph is probably going to get me a month of learning the softness of concrete when I sleep…but it had to be said.
Once I was able to escape…ouch, I just got smacked in the head by MIss Madison, let me rephrase…Once we left, it was off to dinner at Dick’s Last Resort for an evening of being ridiculed and poor customer service. Or a day living with me….cue Miss Madison nodding. Seriously, Dick’s prides themselves on being “dicks” when it comes to how they run their business. You even get to wear a derogatory hat the whole time, custom made from paper for your dining pleasure. It must be somewhat successful because they have 14 locations spread out all over the country. Frankly, I found the schtick to be a tad gimmicky, but the food wasn’t too shabby so if held at gunpoint I would go back. The highlight of the evening (as we were dining with the kids) was the hat on a fellow female patron that said “The health department closed my legs 26 weeks ago,” Miss Madison and I had to feign idiocy when our ever inquiring daughters were asking what that meant, or maybe they actually did, but I wasn’t about to ask!
If ever at Dick’s Last Resort I would recommend the jalapeno gravy served over fried chicken. Your cardiologist will be thanking you later!
From there it was time for the main event! Bankers Life was rocking and the four of us were giddier than a virgin on prom night. To say I was impressed was an understatement. Katy the lady was quite the entertainer, and played all of her hits for well over two hours. Pyrotechnics, an elaborate stage presence with plenty of props, and hearing her live was way more than I envisioned. I thought maybe her radio voice was the product of some autotune swami, as usual I was wrong. She sounded just as good live as I do when I’m performing my own solo auditions for The Voice in the confines of my vehicle.
Sloane was mesmerized with the light show, Miss Madison Jr. was scheming to sell bootlegged concert footage to her classmates.
Since we had the girls with us, I promised Miss Madison I would be on my best behavior. I left my “I Love You Katy” custom T-shirt I had made in 2014 at the house. Nor did I make Miss Madison wear her epic costume from Halloween 2015. I also didn’t smuggle my own personal mixtape to the sound coordinator that I may or may not have created on a dare in 2014. I can’t say so much for the fellow comrades in our seating section. To the dude who apparently had been drinking since Thanksgiving, I hope the 200 bucks you spent in beer was worth it. Between spilling them, making our section smell like a dive bar, and getting out of your staggering way every 10 minutes so you could go use the bathroom, not even you could ruin my Katycat experience, membership to the Katycat club pending…I really hope she doesn’t read anything I wrote in January of 2014.
Look, I love to have a good time, sometimes too good of a time (Miss Madison is nodding so much for this post I think her neck might break), but for the love of God, dude. If you are in a section with children act like you have some common sense. Just some modicum of it please. I’m not going to be “that” parent that bitches about adults acting like dipshits at events because as a parent I assume the risks of others behavior in front of my daughter. This guy, however, was a special kind of drunk and stupid. Save that crap for an outdoor concert! As much as he tried to dash it, I left the night on a euphoria I have not experienced since that time at a Jimmy Buffett concert back in 1995, although that may not have been from euphoria. My mind gets a tad foggy at times.
About it for now, an epic night for sure. Spending it with my four favorite ladies (yes Katy Perry is on the list) was something I will never forget. I didn’t tell Miss Madison, but even though I was in section 2000214, seat 210003, and two million feet from the stage, we did make eye contact. Katy Perry smiled at me and I’ll treasure that forever. Thankfully though my Katy Perry crush isn’t nearly as fervent as it used to be, because I found my own beautiful Katie to lie in bed with every night. Although, in print she prefers Miss Madison!