Let’s take a trip through time!
First off tonight I’ve got to say Prince being dead sucks! It doesn’t get much better than 80s version of Prince and The Revolution. He got a tad too eccentric for me with the whole “Artist Formerly Known As” routine and I didn’t quite care for the music as much then but hearing all the hits on the radio the last couple of days has definitely had me reliving my childhood to some degree. The thing you don’t realize when you are ten years old is how talented the man actually was. For crying out loud, Eric Clapton called him the best guitar player ever! In honor of Prince, let’s go crazy for a little while on the keyboard!
In the category of “Things I thought I’d never type,” I had myself quite the international three way going today—not the Justin Timberlake, Lady Gaga, and Andy Samberg kind either. Before anybody starts wondering if I’m on a Lortab and Scotch diet working at a five and dime with a raspberry beret on my head, click here.
Mr. Skipah turned into tabloid investigative reporter as my adopted little sister across the pond was fit to be tied on some devilish rumour (the U is for my British fan club) about a power celeb couple on the island getting an injunction filed and a country-wide gag order issued on some hot story involving extramarital affairs, olive oil, unprotected sex in a kiddie pool, and performing their own Batdance. My poor buddy was just fit to be tied because the power couple is evidently big enough to shut down British internet and have newspapers scared to death to publish anything for fear of a lawsuit.
Not a problem in #Murica; some slick-talking lawyer type would compare an internet gag order to the government wanting to take your guns and the shit would get real around here! Start a movement to piss of the gun crowd and college kids at the same time? I’m on the next flight to Canada! No worries and no internet gag orders issued on some seriously kinky folks that need their own 50 Shades of Gray trilogy written for them. I passed along this top secret information via the back channels to my British buddy, and now she and her inner circle are partying like it’s 1999!
P.S.-No, Lucy, there is no damn way I’m posting who it is, I’m not delirious! They got Google to take them out of any search queries in the United Kingdom, and I don’t need any more legal drama in my life!
Never mind the whole time I’m having this Q & A via Facebook Messenger, I’m talking shit about my fantasy baseball team kicking the shit out my fellow dad blogger pal in our online league. Just to show you how talented and multitaskable (is that a word) I am, I threw in a texting conversation with my Miami fan club for good measure. For those of you scoring at home: Skipah’s Realm served as the National Enquirer in the U.K. today, had some good old-fashioned dad/sports shit-talking session with my friend in Kansas City, and had a catching up on life “deep” texting conversation about the market price of grouper and finding new people that make us smile with my other adopted sister from Miami. By the way, this was pretty much all at the same time on the way home from work. No, I wasn’t texting and driving. Yes, a 45-minute drive took over an hour and change!
Just a regular day at the office for the new me 2.0; some of my best friends are bloggers these days. Never met any of them but this one, and a decent chance I won’t ever meet the majority of them. Although I’ve got to go to Europe just once if anything to meet up with my fellow dad blogging compatriot Martyn, who, oh, by the way, is one of six finalists for best parenting blogs in the U.K. He’s literally become the blogging version of Idris Elba in that country. Can we get Martyn some voting love from the Texas delegation!
My last post, I offered up a few blogging tips for the “newbie” blogger. I stressed the importance of being self-hosted if you can afford it. Well, park that little red corvette in the garage, pull up a seat, and grab yourself a pen and paper.
Many moons ago, someone got all the diamonds and pearls from me I could muster, now the only thing they would get from me is a knock-off cubic zirconia and a ZZ Top style (sorry Prince some jokes write themselves) pearl necklace. This elusive mystery person also happens to live by the credo that my little internet hidey hole is pathetic, they even told me so many moons ago. That same mystery person has visited my website 2300 times (that I know of) and enjoyed some super awesome content to the tune of 5,000 page views since January 2015. Since I do draw a little coin from page views, this is like a gift that keeps on giving since they are only visiting my page for one reason—to keep me tied up in court under the guise of “family law.”
My freaking mom isn’t on my website this much! Who’s more pathetic?
Newbie blogger that has more than likely started your blog due to life changing events, i.e. divorce, custody wars, treatment for singing the Alphabet St. song in public, this is how you cream, the opposition! You catch that stalker pinging you on an IP address that belongs to their employer.
Welcome to Mr. Skipah’s world, a couple emails as a business owner to various IT departments threatening to “make the rain purple” on their website if this problem isn’t taken care of and you get to puff your chest high and mighty! Get your employees under control or I am going to have to get medieval! My website happens to be twice the size of yours in my area. Tell your employee to hang out on Facebook or on epic utility job failure websites, before I get real pissed off and you learn what is sounds like when doves cry!
The four grand I’m ordered to pay because of your employee has me steaming enough (again I say tell me what law I’ve ever broken other that being born with a penis), and the fact you willingly harbored it (unknowing? Maybe? I don’t really care!) your IP address is on my website 3000 freaking times! I love traffic as much as the next blogger, but quitting tying up my bandwidth!
Coming soon: Skipah’s Realm vs. corporate America!
Stalker victims, we have hope, takes a ton of hard work and an idiot you are dealing with, but there is hope! About it for now, it’s time for a weekend of epicness with Sloane & Miss Madison! I’ll see the happy denizens of the Skipahsphere in a few days, I’m off to my second job that only comes around every couple of weeks. This is Dad clocking in and reporting for duty!