Kiss a Frog, Gain a Prince

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Let’s take a trip through time!

First off tonight I’ve got to say Prince being dead sucks!  It doesn’t get much better than 80s version of Prince and The Revolution.  He got a tad too eccentric for me with the whole “Artist Formerly Known As” routine and I didn’t quite care for the music as much then but hearing all the hits on the radio the last couple of days has definitely had me reliving my childhood to some degree.  The thing you don’t realize when you are ten years old is how talented the man actually was.  For crying out loud, Eric Clapton called him the best guitar player ever!  In honor of Prince, let’s go crazy for a little while on the keyboard!

In the category of “Things I thought I’d never type,” I had myself quite the international three way going today—not the Justin Timberlake, Lady Gaga, and Andy Samberg kind either.  Before anybody starts wondering if I’m on a Lortab and Scotch diet working at a five and dime with a raspberry beret on my head, click here.

Mr. Skipah turned into tabloid investigative reporter as my adopted little sister across the pond was fit to be tied on some devilish rumour (the U is for my British fan club) about a power celeb couple on the island getting an injunction filed and a country-wide gag order issued on some hot story involving extramarital affairs, olive oil, unprotected sex in a kiddie pool, and performing their own Batdance.  My poor buddy was just fit to be tied because the power couple is evidently big enough to shut down British internet and have newspapers scared to death to publish anything for fear of a lawsuit.

Not a problem in #Murica; some slick-talking lawyer type would compare an internet gag order to the government wanting to take your guns and the shit would get real around here!  Start a movement to piss of the gun crowd and college kids at the same time?  I’m on the next flight to Canada!  No worries and no internet gag orders issued on some seriously kinky folks that need their own 50 Shades of Gray trilogy written for them.  I passed along this top secret information via the back channels to my British buddy, and now she and her inner circle are partying like it’s 1999!

P.S.-No, Lucy, there is no damn way I’m posting who it is, I’m not delirious! They got Google to take them out of any search queries in the United Kingdom, and I don’t need any more legal drama in my life!

Never mind the whole time I’m having this Q & A via Facebook Messenger, I’m talking shit about my fantasy baseball team kicking the shit out my fellow dad blogger pal in our online league.  Just to show you how talented and multitaskable (is that a word) I am, I threw in a texting conversation with my Miami fan club for good measure.  For those of you scoring at home:  Skipah’s Realm served as the National Enquirer in the U.K. today, had some good old-fashioned dad/sports shit-talking session with my friend in Kansas City, and had a catching up on life “deep” texting conversation about the market price of grouper and finding new people that make us smile with my other adopted sister from Miami.  By the way, this was pretty much all at the same time on the way home from work.  No, I wasn’t texting and driving. Yes, a 45-minute drive took over an hour and change!

Just a regular day at the office for the new me 2.0; some of my best friends are bloggers these days.  Never met any of them but this one, and a decent chance I won’t ever meet the majority of them.  Although I’ve got to go to Europe just once if anything to meet up with my fellow dad blogging compatriot Martyn, who, oh, by the way, is one of six finalists for best parenting blogs in the U.K.  He’s literally become the blogging version of Idris Elba in that country.  Can we get Martyn some voting love from the Texas delegation!

My last post, I offered up a few blogging tips for the “newbie” blogger.  I stressed the importance of being self-hosted if you can afford it.  Well, park that little red corvette in the garage, pull up a seat, and grab yourself a pen and paper.

Many moons ago, someone got all the diamonds and pearls from me I could muster, now the only thing they would get from me is a knock-off cubic zirconia and a ZZ Top style (sorry Prince some jokes write themselves) pearl necklace.  This elusive mystery person also happens to live by the credo that my little internet hidey hole is pathetic, they even told me so many moons ago.  That same mystery person has visited my website 2300 times (that I know of) and enjoyed some super awesome content to the tune of 5,000 page views since January 2015.  Since I do draw a little coin from page views, this is like a gift that keeps on giving since they are only visiting my page for one reason—to keep me tied up in court under the guise of “family law.”

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My freaking mom isn’t on my website this much!  Who’s more pathetic?

Newbie blogger that has more than likely started your blog due to life changing events, i.e. divorce, custody wars, treatment for singing the Alphabet St.  song in public, this is how you cream, the opposition!  You catch that stalker pinging you on an IP address that belongs to their employer.

Welcome to Mr. Skipah’s world, a couple emails as a business owner to various IT departments threatening to “make the rain purple” on their website if this problem isn’t taken care of and you get to puff your chest high and mighty!  Get your employees under control or I am going to have to get medieval!  My website happens to be twice the size of yours in my area.  Tell your employee to hang out on Facebook or on epic utility job failure websites, before I get real pissed off and you learn what is sounds like when doves cry!

The four grand I’m ordered to pay because of your employee has me steaming enough (again I say tell me what law I’ve ever broken other that being born with a penis), and the fact you willingly harbored it (unknowing? Maybe?  I don’t really care!) your IP address is on my website 3000 freaking times!  I love traffic as much as the next blogger, but quitting tying up my bandwidth!

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Coming soon:  Skipah’s Realm vs. corporate America!

Stalker victims, we have hope, takes a ton of hard work and an idiot you are dealing with, but there is hope!  About it for now, it’s time for a weekend of epicness with Sloane & Miss Madison!  I’ll see the happy denizens of the Skipahsphere in a few days, I’m off to my second job that only comes around every couple of weeks.  This is Dad clocking in and reporting for duty!

 

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38 Comments

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  4. Gary…as per Janice’s page just tried stumbling this one for you. Hope it works but alas I am a stumbling newbie !!!!

    Gary

    nah… still looks weird that…. 🙂

    • LOL, the first person that actually figures out SU is going to be a millionaire. I’ve literally read hundreds of theories and they all contradict themselves!

      • All I’ve come up with is get a big group working together…consistently like each other’s stumbles as much as possible as the hierarchy of up the listiness (yes making words up now too) depends on likes and activity…a sort of Freemasons approach???

  5. Miami fan club reporting for duty, sir! Happy to keep you entertained while driving! Lol!

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  7. I love how you incorporated some of the best Prince songs into this post. When I saw a tweet that said RIP Prince I about passed out! I’ve never been affected by a celebrity’s death until now. Don’t get me wrong it’s always sad but hearing the news about Prince passing really upset me. Crazy because it’s not like I knew the man but Prince was/is pretty much the soundtrack of my life as I can’t remember a time I didn’t listen to Prince.

    I thought I was not only your #1 stalker and only stalker but then you said employer and I was like whew it’s not me this time! 😉 Bwahahahaha! If I had three wishes from a genie they would be to resolve my child custody issues, to resolve your child custody issues/legal problems, and to finally meet you in person!!

    Oh and thank you ever so much for the anonymous shout out and link to My RSD Story!! Even though I don’t stop by and comment as often as I once did you will forever be my BBFF!! Thank you for being part of my support system, it is a tiny system of three to four people but you ALL mean the world to me!!

    This is my PSA (That stands for Public Service Announcement for all you Kentuckians) for the day:

    Have you ever heard about the Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino?? It’s an excellent way of describing what the life of someone with a Chronic Illness feels like and entails. You can read all about it ⤳ here ⬿ and ⤳ here ⬿BUT… in a nutshell I begin each day with 12 spoons to get me through the day and everything I do like just waking up costs me 1 spoon, phone calls cost me 3 spoons, emails cost me 5 spoons so does commenting on blog posts & IM/DM on social media, reading a blog post costs me two spoons, heck just eating a meal costs me 2 spoons!! So, as you see socializing takes a big portion of my spoons for that day and I CANNOT afford to borrow spoons from tomorrow.
    END OF PSA!!

    I’m incredibly sick and tired of being sick and tired BUT… don’t you worry one little bit because I have this thing called HOPE and once I somewhat get a handle on Mr. RSD and the attack he has launched on my poor body I’ll once again be your #1 stalker who writes eBooks in your comments section!! 😉 (I have a few things in the works that just might enable me to somewhat function on “normal” basis again. Fingers crossed!!)

    I hope you had an amazing weekend with those two pretty ladies, (Miss Sloane and Miss Madison), of yours!! Wishing you a FANTABULOUS week!!

    Much Love & Big Smooches,
    😘 Lysa xoxo

    • I have a friend that was misdiagnosed with Lupus, I know about the spoon theory :). You will always be my BBFF, and one day your affliction will get the needed attention it deserves if I can do anything about it! To quote Andy from Shawshank: Hope is a good thing!

  8. Make sure you have a wonderful time this weekend with your little girl! She needs you more than you realize.

    Be very careful about kissing frogs! You may end up with warts or be poisoned by their natural defences.

    Think you hit on the few Prince songs that I am actually familiar with. Was not a big fan. Now the death of one of the members of the Eagles, is a different story!

  9. Always appreciate the link sharing, thanks! I like Martyn and will help up vote him too. Seems like you’re quite the investigative reporter these days, maybe Sloane will help one day. 🙂

  10. And I thought I was your only stalker, but I don’t have time to be on your site that much. Must be nice getting paid to stalk a blog.

  11. Where to start! Excellent Prince track dropping work. I have to admit that I have never been a big Prince fan, though I love When Doves Cry, but certainly a big surprise for him to die so suddenly.

    I appreciate the ‘u’, I don’t know what America has against the ‘u’, but that poor vowel feels very ignored!

    Intrigued on the celebrity scandal. Mind you, the last time this happened, with the super injunctions and shutting down the internet, it turned out to be pretty dull! A boring footballer (soccer – I can be helpful on the transatlantic translations too!) and a pointless reality ‘star’. Plus it was actually blatantly obvious who it was going to be – we literally only had one football player who didn’t already have a reputation for cheating on his wife, so it was clearly him. 😀 I have two ideas on who this one is, based on the information you’ve given. One is amusing me more (but probably less likely) than the other.

    I’ve never compared Martyn to Idris Elba before, but I now see that you are quite right! & I will of course be voting in the MADS. Even though I was shunned. Shunned! (Just kidding – I never had a hope in hell!)

    • What’s the nomination process? I’ll have Hammy call up some old contacts. How about the for Martyn, we and I started pretty much about the same time and he got in with a great group of guys over there network really well.

  12. Huge shame about Prince. Awesome you weaved it through the post. Hope you’re having an amazing weekend.

  13. I had to read it twice, but I must say you are very smart – really an intelligent way of structuring then wording the post 🙂

  14. Sometimes you speak Mandarin to me, lol! I’m not clever enough to figure out the first part of your post. But I sure as hell figured out that you have a serious stalker issue! Lol

  15. I like the way you worked the Prince bits in — well done!
    But do you know WHY he had to change his own bloody name? Because the label was robbing him and told him they owned “Prince.” Anyway, there was nothing so eccentric about it, just a big “Screw you!” to the label.

    Love the tunnel pic! 🙂

  16. Oh, I heard that scandal mentioned in another blog so I went to find out what it was all about. Then I thought, “Oh really?” And then finally I went back to whatever it was I was doing. I can’t believe they managed to get a judge to ban the information.

  17. Glad you get to see Sloane

  18. I’m glad I have friends across the pond. They gave me a clue and I got the entire sordid little story. Do you know how expensive Olive Oil is??? lol

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