Lenny effing Kravitz?

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Like most of the globe, I woke up this morning to the sad news that I was not a millionaire.  On the bright side nobody else won either so come Friday I’ll gear myself up for another run at damn near 300 million.  Not much else to speak of personally, Katy Perry let me down again when I found out Lenny Kravitz will be performing with her at the Super Bowl.  When was the last time he was relevant?  I think “Are you gonna go my way” came out when I was in high school, Lisa Bonet was a lifetime ago (which ponders another question did Bill Cosby bed that before Lenny?), and I think he ran out of songs from The Guess Who to cover.  It’s her show so I guess she can bring on who ever she wants, but at least bring out somebody who is cool.  You know like me!

After work today I put on my best plumbers suit, grabbed my wrench, knocked out various Koopa Troopa’s along the way, avoided all contact with evil queen Bowser and rescued my own little Princess Toadstool from the nursing home.  A week has felt like a month, but she was all mine this evening.  When I informed her of our fine gourmet dining experience of hamburgers and french fries, she immediately balked and told me that she had a cheeseburger for lunch today.  Doh!  Quick improvisation and it was tacos and refried beans, we actually sat down and enjoyed a meal together.  I got to hear of all the various levels of stress the second grade is, and she wanted to hear all about how I filled her cookie order sheet up.  I told her it’s was magic, she didn’t believe me of course and I finally relented and told her that I’m Facebook friends with the Girl Scout Cookie fairy.  Amazingly she bought that one, after dinner there was still a little day light left so we hit the immediate neighborhood and hit gold.  Twenty boxes in roughly twenty minutes.  For reasons that still make me scratch my head, why the GSA wants to sell cookies in January instead of the spring is beyond me.  This area is bonanza, and like I said a couple of weeks ago I’ve got the only little girl in the immediate area from what I can tell.  If I had a few days to take her around the neighborhood my house would be the Floyd County, Indiana distribution hub for the GSA cookie drive.  I did a little recon with Sloane on how the enemy camp was doing on cookie sales; she told me my sheet had a whole bunch of more names on it.  Sounds like mission accomplished in the personal head to head, but hell I wish she would get off her dead ass and sell some cookies because with what I’ve sold if she could sell anything Sloane might actually have a sniff at top cookie seller.  Fortunately for me I quit counting on her for anything but a headache and heartburn, it’s too bad because if we could communicate we could probably figure out a few corners we haven’t covered and get Sloane to the top.  Full disclosure, I only know of what one other girl has sold and Sloane and her are running pretty close to each other (I’m taking an educated guess on what her mother has sold), for all I know one of the other girls has a mom that works at UPS and a dad that works at Ford and if that is the case Sloane is screwed!

After a quick shower for Sloane it was torture time!  Hammy’s one week vacation of sleep, exercise wheel, sleep, eat, sleep, shit, and more sleep came to an abrupt end today.  The “hammer” was getting scolded for zigging instead of zagging, turning left instead of right; he even got told he listens about as well as Suebee.  He was seriously frustrating Sloane by not obeying her commands and he got to pay the price for it.  Move the wrong way and she would snatch him up “gently” (I use the term loosely) and point him back in the right direction.  After fifteen minutes of this I’m pretty sure Hammy looked at me and professed his allegiance to team Mathews and swore off any ties to the KGB.  After finally talking Sloane into showing a bit of compassion for Hammy, she cleaned out his cage and gave him some nice soft new bedding.  See, she really does have a heart, just has to show the four ounce Russian who is boss sometimes.

About it for tonight, got to get this Girl Scout Cookie information a little more organized, think of some more zany ideas for the final big “push” tomorrow, and I may just email Katy Perry’s p.r. manager and ask her what in the hell is going on in Camp Katy.  I mean Lenny frigging Kravitz!  Come on Katy you are better than that!



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  1. I don’t know which I find more disappointing: that she added Lenny Kravitz or that CBS is advertising it as a “live” performance?

  2. Thanks Martyn, and congrats on passing the home inspection. That rocks!

  3. Well it sounds like at least a good thing you’re still pimping the cookies….do you have the numbers on the competition or is it the biggest secret going? Lenny kravitz hasn’t been relevant for a while….isn’t that why he’s in the hunger games films and not releasing more songs? Don’t give up….I think you might actually have more of a chance with Katy Perry than winning the millions….that being said you’ve got better odds on because you’re doing both ☺

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