Miss Madison hasn’t figured out I’m a frigging dork yet! #Winning!
Not to go all Vanilla Ice but “Skipah’s back with a vengeance” (anybody in their thirties should get that), been a busy few days in my world. Unfortunately I’ve only got 368 days left to enjoy my being in my thirties, yes that is more than one year, but unless you are a mathematically challenged or from Kentucky you can probably deduce that Sunday is my birthday. If you are mathematically challenged please seek help, if you are from Kentucky all I can say is I guess it’s better than West Virginia. Cue up the West Virginia militia putting a bounty on my head.
Miss Madison must have something grand planned for my birthday, she went into complete radio silence mode (i.e. not texting) so she could work on my birthday present yesterday evening. I was told it was bigger than a breadbox so I’ve got that going for me. Secretly I think she is planning a weekend in San Diego, California and has reached out to ABC affiliate KGTV for help. I only know this because for some reason I’ve become the hottest thing in San Diego since the fish taco judging by my Twitter followers. I picked up not one but two Twitter followers from the news channel KGTV in the last two days! If Miss Madison didn’t reach out to them (darn), they are more than free to contact me for a story on how plain Jane Midwestern life can be. I’ll even give them my sob story on divorce and custody wars. All I ask in return is a trip out to the left coast to see the Pacific Ocean and eat some fresh seafood! I also wouldn’t mind touring the San Diego Naval base out there, I’ve seen the Navy base in Norfolk, VA and that was as jaw dropping as anything I’ve ever seen. Television and pictures doesn’t quite cut it compared to seeing a Navy destroyer with your own eyes! Those vessels are HUGE, if I am lucky enough to be featured guest in San Diego I hope I can see an aircraft carrier or at least meet Ron Burgundy, oh wait he’s a fake Anchorman. Dammit, I was hoping to meet Baxter and reenact the prank phone call pregnancy scene!
Seen some random acts of douchery that last couple of days (checked with the Webster Dictionary commission douchery is a new word), I think U-Haul and the Nuclear Energy panel have no worries.
I didn’t get a chance to see his license plate, but if this person wasn’t from Kentucky he is definitely striving to end up there! As I was closing in on him on the way to work I thought it was some new age Asian box truck (think of a KIA breeding with a Ryder rental truck), once I saw what it really was I couldn’t grab my phone quick enough to snap a picture! A frigging chain linked fence cage on top a sedan is either ingenious or nuts depending on what side of the fence you are on. Yes pun was intended.
A radioactive redneck, which should get you on the Homeland Security watch list like IMMEDIATELY. Stick to bumper and window stickers. I didn’t have the heart to tell him he looked like a dumbass nor I wasn’t looking to get a gun pulled on me! Radioactive rednecks who knew! Most of them have no idea what nuclear energy even is if I had a guess.
Other things I’ve done the last few days….I have successfully taught my second pupil how to ride a bike! I taught Sloane immediately after my separation last July, and now Miss Madison’s daughter is in full Greg LeMond mode. I would say Lance Armstrong but he proved to be a lying deceitful asshole so I’ll go with Greg instead. He survived a buckshot blast for Christ sakes and won two more Tour De France competitions! All kidding aside seeing another child learn the freedom that riding a bike will grant them was awesome to say the least. Two kids I’ve now taught to ride a bike and I have less than 30 minutes into it. Coming soon Skipah’s bike riding tutorial workshop, if I know you it’s free, if I don’t know you have to donate to the Skipah Legal Defense Fund. I’m going to need all the help I can get soon! If you have dollar or a million stay tuned because to quote Charles Lamb “All lawyers were children once”, and they are like Levon…they like their money!
Seeing the joy on Miss Madison’s face was well worth the price of admission. Her daughter is now fully trained to ride a bike. Rumor has it that she wouldn’t get off it tonight. Reminded me of Sloane last year after she learned how to navigate a bicycle and we rode around the neighborhood until her legs went into jelly mode. Now to pack for San Diego, I hope! Just kidding, she is already taking me on a low cost vacation to Wisconsin in a few weeks I don’t want to get greedy!
About it for tonight I’ve had a better few days than Joy Behar. Quick tangent on that dumbass, I’ve been hospitalized before, I know a few nurses, and to completely insult an entire industry that for the most part does wonders for patients she should have her ass handed to her! Read this to get an appreciation for what nurses are capable of. I know I’m big now with the ABC affiliate in San Diego but really American Broadcasting System leash your mouthpiece! I thought The View only hated men, Sarah Palin, and Elizabeth Hasselback. Apparently I was wrong, on a lighter to quote Ellis Boyd “Red” Redding “I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.”