Levon Likes His Money

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Miss Madison hasn’t figured out I’m a frigging dork yet!  #Winning!

Not to go all Vanilla Ice but “Skipah’s back with a vengeance” (anybody in their thirties should get that), been a busy few days in my world.  Unfortunately I’ve only got 368 days left to enjoy my being in my thirties, yes that is more than one year, but unless you are a mathematically challenged or from Kentucky  you can probably deduce that Sunday is my birthday.  If you are mathematically challenged please seek help, if you are from Kentucky all I can say is I guess it’s better than West Virginia.  Cue up the West Virginia militia putting a bounty on my head.

Miss Madison must have something grand planned for my birthday, she went into complete radio silence mode (i.e. not texting) so she could work on my birthday present yesterday evening.  I was told it was bigger than a breadbox so I’ve got that going for me.  Secretly I think she is planning a weekend in San Diego, California and has reached out to ABC affiliate KGTV for help.  I only know this because for some reason I’ve become the hottest thing in San Diego since the fish taco judging by my Twitter followers.  I picked up not one but two Twitter followers from the news channel KGTV in the last two days!  If Miss Madison didn’t reach out to them (darn), they are more than free to contact me for a story on how plain Jane Midwestern life can be.  I’ll even give them my sob story on divorce and custody wars.  All I ask in return is a trip out to the left coast to see the Pacific Ocean and eat some fresh seafood!  I also wouldn’t mind touring the San Diego Naval base out there, I’ve seen the Navy base in Norfolk, VA and that was as jaw dropping as anything I’ve ever seen.  Television and pictures doesn’t quite cut it compared to seeing a Navy destroyer with your own eyes!  Those vessels are HUGE, if I am lucky enough to be featured guest in San Diego I hope I can see an aircraft carrier or at least meet Ron Burgundy, oh wait he’s a fake Anchorman.  Dammit, I was hoping to meet Baxter and reenact the prank phone call pregnancy scene!

Seen some random acts of douchery that last couple of days (checked with the Webster Dictionary commission douchery is a new word), I think U-Haul and the Nuclear Energy panel have no worries.

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I didn’t get a chance to see his license plate, but if this person wasn’t from Kentucky he is definitely striving to end up there!  As I was closing in on him on the way to work I thought it was some new age Asian box truck (think of a KIA breeding with a Ryder rental truck), once I saw what it really was I couldn’t grab my phone quick enough to snap a picture!  A frigging chain linked fence cage on top a sedan is either ingenious or nuts depending on what side of the fence you are on.  Yes pun was intended.

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A radioactive redneck, which should get you on the Homeland Security watch list like IMMEDIATELY.  Stick to bumper and window stickers.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him he looked like a dumbass nor I wasn’t looking to get a gun pulled on me!  Radioactive rednecks who knew!  Most of them have no idea what nuclear energy even is if I had a guess.

Other things I’ve done the last few days….I have successfully taught my second pupil how to ride a bike!  I taught Sloane immediately after my separation last July, and now Miss Madison’s daughter is in full Greg LeMond mode.  I would say Lance Armstrong but he proved to be a lying deceitful asshole so I’ll go with Greg instead.  He survived a buckshot blast for Christ sakes and won two more Tour De France competitions!  All kidding aside seeing another child learn the freedom that riding a bike will grant them was awesome to say the least.  Two kids I’ve now taught to ride a bike and I have less than 30 minutes into it.  Coming soon Skipah’s bike riding tutorial workshop, if I know you it’s free, if I don’t know you have to donate to the Skipah Legal Defense Fund.  I’m going to need all the help I can get soon!  If you have dollar or a million stay tuned because to quote Charles Lamb “All lawyers were children once”, and they are like Levon…they like their money!

Seeing the joy on Miss Madison’s face was well worth the price of admission.  Her daughter is now fully trained to ride a bike.  Rumor has it that she wouldn’t get off it tonight.  Reminded me of Sloane last year after she learned how to navigate a bicycle and we rode around the neighborhood until her legs went into jelly mode.  Now to pack for San Diego, I hope!  Just kidding, she is already taking me on a low cost vacation to Wisconsin in a few weeks I don’t want to get greedy!

About it for tonight I’ve had a better few days than Joy Behar.  Quick tangent on that dumbass, I’ve been hospitalized before, I know a few nurses, and to completely insult an entire industry that for the most part does wonders for patients she should have her ass handed to her!  Read this to get an appreciation for what nurses are capable of.  I know I’m big now with the ABC affiliate in San Diego but really American Broadcasting System leash your mouthpiece!  I thought The View only hated men, Sarah Palin, and Elizabeth Hasselback.  Apparently I was wrong, on a lighter to quote Ellis Boyd “Red” Redding “I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.”

BJ’s wholesale website - DHGate.com
Send Skipah Sailing!

30 Comments

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  4. Norfolk Navy is much better than the west coast’s. Have been to both. My grandpa was based out of the Norfolk site. When I went there I got to watch a destroyer christening. Was huge! Naval personnel dressed in their finest for the display. She was a beautiful ship.

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  6. What in the world is the point of that chain link cage-box? He’s hauling a boulder and a Tupperware bin? Ridiculous! Can you imagine if you accidentally rear ended him and were killed by the boulder rolling backwards onto you? So bizarre!

  7. Oh, and happy bday!

  8. Wow, your life sounds busy! I almost feel like I’m eavesdropping here, but I’m enjoying it too much to stop 🙂 Hope those tv channels give you your talk show soon, haha 😉 Seriously though, your writing is very entertaining, just what I need to read on a Friday to kick off the weekend with a smile! Have a good one!

  9. Haha, oh boy! Radioactive Redneck is good, but that cage on the car? WOW.

    My FB feed has had an inundation of my nurse friends, taking selfies with stethoscopes the last few days 😉 Really enjoying that!

  10. I might need some of those bike riding lessons! I never learnt after I fell off (with safety wheels) I refused to touch one again! Though I’m a beast on the exercise bike and have yet to fall off!

    Ooh I’m very excited to learn what the lovely lady has got you for your birthday weekend! I’m sure it will be fabulous!

    … how else was that guy meant to get his cage home huh? Lol!

  11. Your pics are hilarious. I should take pics around Miami to make you laugh as well!

    The view is the most annoying show on earth. It’s worse than reality TV. They manage to offend everyone yet think they are so above it all and are doing humanist a favor. The post you link to in your article was great, btw!

    And finally… Can I send She-to your way to learn to ride bike?! Kudos to you on your skills! 😉

  12. Wow…umm I don’t know what to say about the white car …i feel like it belongs on People of Walmart lol and it sounds like Miss Madison has something pretty awesome planned for you:) You both look so happy and it’s so nice to see 🙂

  13. #1. She knows
    and
    #2. I have 2 kids that need to learn how to ride their bikes before we go to camp next week! I was just saying that! Lol

  14. I think you’re better to go with training them to cycle like Greg LeMond. I hope you enjoy your birthday (and your last year of being in your thirties). 😀

  15. A fun post! Bicycle prof, no less!

  16. Wow, that is some major douchery for sure. One correction, that car is a coupe, not sedan. As a past life car enthusiast, I had to say it! 🙂 Can’t wait to hear what Miss Madison has for your birthday!

Tell Skipah all about it!