Oh my, what do we have here?
How was your Memorial Day weekend? I’ve currently been placed on temporary man card revocation pending a hearing from the man card committee. What terrible infraction did I commit, you are more than likely wondering? No, I didn’t buy a Prius convertible, nor did I spend all weekend reading Danielle Steele novels. I did something far worse. I made freaking turkey burgers!
I couldn’t even bring myself to post a picture of these alien bird patties
Look, I’m as red-blooded male as they come. A burger is made out of beef. Vegetarians & vegans, you can forward to the next paragraph, I’m not wanting to offend anyone here. Last thing I need is some rabid vegetarian who hasn’t had his triple organic lettuce sandwich native only to Iceland, go all high brow and lawyering up on me with some kind of defamation suit! So when I willingly agreed to this open flame tomfoolery, Miss Madison assured me it would be delicious. Delicious is a strong word in my lexicon, but they did turn out tasty-ish. I’m calling them turkey patties, because again a burger is made from beef. For those of you who don’t know where beef comes from, next time you are out breathing that countryside fresh air and a smell a big nasty pile of steaming poo, it was more than likely Billy the Bovine dropping a deuce before the slaughter house came a calling. Some call this inhumane, I call it the circle of life. That being said, Mr. Skipah would prefer his cows go out peacefully and not tortured. At the end of the day, the turkey patties were edible, but they were not the staple of Americana and Memorial Day affectionately known as the hamburger.
Other highlights from the weekend, in case you are new around here, this guy is getting married to the aforementioned Miss Madison in the not so distance future. I woke up the other day wondering why my feet were cold, but quickly attributed it to the fact I might have fallen asleep with the air conditioning set on a blustery 65 degrees. Just kidding, it’s all systems go here, this is Miss Madison’s second go around also, however, the first time she didn’t get to have a “proper” bachelorette party. Thanks to her contact within the Ginger Society of America and another friend from around these parts, the girls took Miss Madison out for a fine time of adulting. Mr. Skipah, always worried about his favorite lady and her companions, even used some high-level blogger influence and scored them a room at the famous Galt House Hotel in Louisville, KY for the evening….review pending of course.
I guess everything went O.K. she came home the next day. Details are very sketchy though on what transpired, like some kind of chick Omerta!
With his fiancee singing bad karaoke and hoping to one day enjoy Cake By the Ocean, Mr. Skipah thought he would turn to his offspring for some intelligent conversation over the weekend. Sloane would have none of it. She is having so much fun in Florida that talking to dad was downright repulsive! I kid because I care, but when you are competing against the ocean, Mickey Mouse, an aunt you barely see, and fresh seafood, I can appreciate taking a back seat for a few days. She has been checking in with me daily reminding me of why the ocean kicks serious butt, and by all accounts having the time of her life this past weekend.
She seems to be doing just fine without me this week.
With all the special double X chromosomes in my life all doing other things, I thought I would help the newest edition to the household learn to be a “man.” Jacob, unfortunately, hasn’t quite figured out what being a bearded dragon means! The damn thing is scared of crickets! I figured he was sick of mealworms and deserved a good juicy cricket or 20 for some added flare to his diet. Maybe he was secretly longing for a turkey patty because he wouldn’t go near them. I’ve pulled off legs, knocked some crickets out cold with a sledgehammer, and I even did some secret level CIA mind control on Jacob trying to get him to enjoy the savory taste of a cricket. The crappie love them and aren’t scared of them, not sure what Jacob’s issue is! He’s a bearded dragon, maybe his fire breathing powers take longer to mature. Either way, he better learn to like them soon because sleeping at night with the steady hum of a chirping cricket it getting old! I might have to send him to DBAP school, if this fear of crickets doesn’t get solved!
If you are keeping score at home, my fiance was enjoying her bachelorette party, my daughter has turned into a beach bum, and the future (hopefully) Aussie badass Jacob was acting like a snowflake that just found out what income taxes are. With all this alone time, you would have thought I might have actually done some “productive” blog work. Apparently, you didn’t know I’m horrible about properly using my time wisely. What did I do instead? Recon on our upcoming trip to Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and the Maryland/Washington D.C. area.
In case you didn’t know, Mr. Skipah loves a lighthouse. A quick Google search of lighthouses in the area and, holy crap, I’m in for a treat! Day one will be a cruise into the land of chocolate better known as Hershey, PA. From there we are going to spend a day researching Rocky Balboa facts, visiting Diggerland so the Turtle Man can live out some serious six year old fantasies, and I’m going to figure out why the Liberty Bell has a big crack in it. Obviously, we must be trying to learn why it’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and the surrounding area that day. Thankfully, I’ve befriended a local tour guide online to give me the ins and outs of the area.
I’ve already agreed to making turkey patties in this post, weeks ago I even agreed to vacation in New Jersey! Chalk that up to two things I would have never have guessed would occur in this silly game of life. Two days at beautiful Cape May (so I’ve been told) in New Jersey and the lighthouse orgy will be on. Even better Sloane will be with us for the trip so she gets to experience the ocean for a solid two weeks. I’m only going to be a short trip away from Atlantic City, so I might just have to see what in the hell Nucky Thompson saw in the place. I could potentially blow the vacation budget to hell rolling some bones so stay tuned! After our Jersey experience, it’s going to be three days at our nation’s capital. I had so much fun in Washington D.C. last year that I can’t wait to experience it with Sloane. Throw in me potentially overdosing on crab cakes since I will be near the heavenly waters that house blue crabs and it should be epic!
About it for now, if you would like to guest post on the Skipah’s Realm page while I’m chasing off sailors in Annapolis next week, please inquire. Again, I don’t give a hoot what you want to wax poetic about, as long as it doesn’t involve curb stomping puppies or U.S. nuclear launch codes pretty much anything is fair game.