Things are pretty much a blur right now!
Two days of rain and four inches later it’s finally starting to dry out around here. I know Texan, Hurricane Patricia was much kinder to us Midwesterners, but two days of that crap had everybody in a bad mood! Even the water fowl in the area were copping an attitude. At work today it was a major turf war between the Canadian geese and Mallard ducks on our overflowing pond. There was more honking and quacking back and forth than an episode of The View. I was fulling expecting Joy Blowhard to show up to grant interviews to the poor downtrodden ducks who eventually ceded ground in the all-important battle for naval supremacy on a silly quarter acre pond! Legal scholars will mark today as a historic first….a Canadian naval victory!
We freaking lost to the Canucks!
Just kidding my maple syrup guzzling buddies up north, I’ll have research look up Canadian naval achievements later tonight, I’ve taught Sloane how to use Wikipedia so I’m sure she will find something!
Speaking of Sloane, she returned home to her native New Albany, Indiana for some evening school activities while her dad was off to attend Catholic class for the first time in a month. Ear infections, Door County getaways, fall break, and strep throat had kept yours truly away from learning about Saints and all that other Catholic mumbo jumbo. Not to start a religious war on here, but the learning the history of the Catholic Church has been fascinating at times. I respect anybody’s choice of religion or whatever belief system they subscribe to so please don’t blow me up with anti-Catholicism or Muslim extremism. Besides I’m an American and that would be a bad idea, pretty sure 9/11 wasn’t caused by some bastardized Jewish man that bred a southern Baptist! I actually know some practicing Muslims (there aren’t many in southern Indiana believe me) and they are just as kind as the proverbial “girl next door” so pipe down. O.K. I’m straying off topic here, shut up Skipah!
Image courtesy of: http://entoplp.okstate.edu/ddd/images/mealybugs.jpg
What in the world is that Skipah! Have you gone insane putting bugs on your website? No loyal reader that is what is known as a mealybug! Mr. Skipah have you given up your borderline neurotic behavior and lust over Katy Perry and becoming a biology blogger? The answer is no, Katy Perry is still the number one crush of Mr. Skipah, Miss Madison is totally on board with this so no worries loyal reader! Instead, that is what my daughter got to ingest the other day when she wasn’t with me! I found out last night after talking to her on the phone that she had eaten cookies made from flour infested with mealyworms that wasn’t discovered until after the fact! While not dangerous in doses like that (really I’ll take a 16 ounce T-bone steak for my protein), how effing gross is that! Mr. Skipah you can’t be serious……I’ll take the Pepsi taste test challenge on this one and Miss Madison will too! Again I will state I don’t make this shit up about Kentuckians, somebody please give me a logical argument why Sloane doesn’t live with me full time! I think it’s well documented on this website that I have some inkling of a clue when it comes to the kitchen!
Which brings me to my next point. I posted last week (before the Skipah Legal Defense team castrated me and I took it down) about everything going on in my life. I’ve hardly promoted my fundraising site, and as of now there isn’t even a widget running on here, however #SloaneStaysHome is a website I created in hopes to reach out to Skipah’s Army for any help I can get. Wooden nickels, confederate money, anything you can spare I will be forever in your debt! In the word of surreal I live in anymore that website is now under attack from the evil empire also. My little girl wants to stay with me in Indiana and her dad is doing all he can to ensure she does, it takes money though and frankly I’m about tapped out unless I want to live under an overpass on I-65. I can’t get into specifics on here, because the stalker nation loves to pounce on any wrong doing I type. Evidently #SloaneStaysHome has broken another imaginary rule that I’m supposed to adhere to. Never mind that Sloane is my daughter and not off limits in my writing, and the folks that want to attack it had to have what exactly a hashtag is explained to them!
My plea to you loyal reader is re-tweet this post with #SloaneStaysHome (seriously help me make this trend on Twitter), if you got a penny to spare I will dance at your next wedding or your child’s! Give me details of your favorite dessert and trust me you will love it. My specialties are chocolate cake, and for you cheesecake lovers I’m not too shabby. My daughter wants to stay in Indiana, she is on record with people that matter she hates her stepdad, however I just keeping getting crushed with legal bills after legal bills! Lawyers don’t so much as fart without finding someone to bill for it, I don’t blame them but I haven’t hit the Powerball yet either! Will this post get me in trouble, who in the hell knows anymore! I pay it forward, ask around blogger nation, I do what I can!
On a much more positive note though, I got to see Miss Madison yesterday and she even made me dinner! Got a sneak preview of my Halloween costume for this Friday, and I was mucho impressed! Miss Madison’s mom is a talented woman (and bite me of course I’m sucking up….just kidding), seriously though she turned chicken poo into chicken salad! Exactly two people know what we are going as and neither of them comment on here, nor would I suspect them to blow the secret. It’s potentially going to be epic! Actually I better back down the expectations but it sure in the hell will be funnier than the year I was Woody from Toy Story. We (well she did) finished watching Shawshank Redemption and now I just need her to watch it 100 more times so she will pick up on all my quotes!
About it for tonight, going to watch some World Series action (two former Reds on the Royals), and check with my M.I.T. team of scientists that are working on my lottery prediction machine version 7.3!