Mr. Lincoln is Bridging the Gap

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Way to much of this in the past week!

He’s back…….Quick check of the numbers today and I realized I haven’t blessed the interwebs with my daily rumblings the whole month of December.  I’ve got loyal followers emailing me and one lucky reader even rented a sky writer begging me to come back to my little sector of the internet.  The people want entertained and who am I to let them down?  O.K. I may be getting a little ahead of myself, believe me my ego isn’t that big.  So what’s been going on you may ask?  I made a new online friend Tammy the Texting Tuna, she’s rather vile and evil, but evidently I can’t shake this amphibian know matter how hard I try.

Can I get a moratorium on Cyber deals please?  Cyber Monday was you know Monday, all dang week I’m looking up how to hide a body and get away with it on Google and the next thing I know I’ve got pop up ads from Clorox and equipment rental companies!  Kohl’s I truly appreciate you informing me that your cyber deals are lasting all week, but seriously nobody in their right mind pays full price at your store anyway.  I don’t need reminded of this all freaking day!  Macy’s unless you intend to send one of those models home to me (just kidding Miss Madison) I don’t need reminded that you are running 25% of with the promo code OVERPRICED.

It was a glorious time in the southern Indiana/Kentucky region this weekend.  The brand spanking new Abraham Lincoln Bridge is set to open tomorrow morning at 5:00 a.m.  There was a public walking event that Sloane and I were going to attend on Saturday but it was just too dang cold to go fight traffic and 50,000 fellow citizens.  Now the games really begin around here, local residents if you think traffic is bad now (and believe me it took me two hours to navigate a 20 minute trip Wednesday) you haven’t seen nothing yet.  For all the hoopla surrounding the long awaited bridge opening that sad little secret is that’s just the only thing open.  None of the infrastructure is not nearly ready, so any body that thinks your morning commute is going to be like the old days, you might want to grab a double at Starbucks.  Thank god I work in Indiana and I only deal with that stupid roundabout on a daily basis.

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Road rage was getting prevalent on Friday night

I will at least give Kentucky some credit for getting the name right on this one.  The proverbial three pronged pissing match between Kentucky (born there), Indiana (grew up here) and Illinois (lived there as an adult) over who gets to “claim” Mr. Lincoln has through the years been about as childish as two kids arguing over who gets the yellow crayon at day care.  Naming the new I-65 bridge after someone both states have something in common with was pretty cool.  Indiana gets to name the new bridge down river when it opens in a few months.

If Vegas were laying odds on the naming of the I-265 Bridge, Mr. Skipah would lay Birch Bayh as the 2-1 favorite to have it named after him.  The Bayh’s are the Indiana political dynasty family and Birch was a longtime senator and his son Evan was governor and a senator himself.  I’m putting Richard Lugar as a solid 6-1 choice to have it named after him.  He was only a senator in this state for something like 256 years and a former mayor of Indianapolis so I’m sure he’s still got some “pull” in this state.  Mitch Daniels I would lay at 10-1 (former governor and the biggest reason Indiana had the coinage to pay for their half), but the longshot in all of this would be none other than Gary, Indiana native Michael Jackson!  There could be a never ending loop of “Beat It” playing for everybody as they cross over the Ohio River.  I would suggest Axl Rose also but there isn’t a “Paradise City” on either side of the river in that geographical location.

Quick recollect of famous people tied to Indiana and Kentucky not named Lincoln, I would say George Rogers Clark but he’s already got a downtown bridge named after him so back to the drawing board.  John Schnatter comes to mind (founder and CEO of Papa John’s) but his ego is so big I can only imagine what would happen if they named a bridge after him.  John is a native son, and Papa John’s corporate is located in Louisville.  Actually I just had an epiphany; The Colonel Harland Sanders Memorial Bridge would be perfect.  The good colonel for those of you who don’t know who he is was born up the road in the one stop light town of Henryville, Indiana.  To the rest of the world you know him now as being played on TV by Norm MacDonald pimping Kentucky Fried Chicken!  That’s right Kentuckian your biggest claim to fame in this world was created by none other than a Hoosier!  Gee I need to write more often, I just unleashed four paragraphs on local area bridge construction.  Skipah’s PSA for any one travelling in the general vicinity of Louisville, Kentucky….don’t!

For anyone else inquiring things are going great with Miss Madison and I, she hasn’t figured out that I’m a dork/nerd cursed with the looks of George Clooney so the longer I can keep that a secret from her the better!  She actually used her wit and charm this weekend and got the whole gang a free meal at Chuy’s.  She wasn’t aiming for a free meal just letting the manager know we had been sitting there for an hour and watched patron after patron get served their meals while we just sat there.  The very kind manager said no worries; the meal would be taken care of.  This sounded great at first as Mr. Skipah didn’t have to come off of his wallet, however, my stomach hasn’t been right since.  Are the two related, the conspiracy theorist in me says yes, but truthfully I have no idea.

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She hides being “hangry” quite well.  By the time out food arrived I was dipping the menu in ketchup because I was so hungry.

Miss Madison, Mr. Skipah, and the troopers also took in A Year With Frog and Toad at the Kentucky Center for the Arts this weekend.  The kids loved it, for me it was by far the most boring hour of my life.  First off it’s a kids show, can’t the actors at least dress up like a frog and a toad?  They didn’t resemble the characters in the books at all.  I may or may not have napped through part of it, but Sloane had a wonderful time as did the Miss Madison’s kiddos so mission accomplished on keeping the kids entertained.  Sloane and Miss Madison Jr. even got autographs from the kind lady that played a turtle, mole, bird, and a squirrel!

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Insomniac approved!

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If this performer ever starts collecting Toni awards this will be on Ebay very soon!

The rest of my “custodial” weekend was spent with Sloane decorating our Christmas tree that makes Charlie Brown’s look like a giant redwood and then a relaxing dinner Sunday night before I fought the aforementioned traffic to return to the land of hillbilly for the week.  Her first week in at her new school seemed to go fine; she’s making new friends and adjusting to life away from home.  It broke my heart Friday when I picked her up and the first words out of her mouth were “If I won a million dollars would it be enough to bring her back to Indiana?”, not a whole lot I could say to answer that one.  I just reminded her she’ll be home sooner than later and when she turns 12 she gets to make all the decision herself where she wants to live.  The whole thing sucks, but I’m at peace with it.

About it for tonight, it’s been another power packed weekend, and now I’ve got to figure out how to make by vehicle grow wings so I can still see Sloane on Wednesday nights instead of looking at brake lights and license plates and moving 20 mph on the Interstate!

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14 Comments

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  3. I vote for the MJ bridge but I’m bias since I am a fan of his. The only thing I would change is play more than one song cause playing one song over and over again in backed up traffic would make anyone hate that song. lol Sounds like you had an eventful weekend! Thanks for sharing it.

  4. Plenty of laughs in this post! Read, read LOL read, read LOL LOL oh LOL — Dipping the menu in ketchup was my fave.

  5. Wow, Charlie Brown’s tree? A Redwood? You’ll have to share pics of yours so your awesome readers can make the call! 🙂 At least it was spent with Sloane, and that’s apparently hard to do lately….no thanks to, well…you know what.

    • I’ll try and get a picture after I “gussy” it up somewhat. Sloane and I had a blast as always, still trying to figure out a way to make my weekday work. Cooperation would be nice, but well like you said….ummm.

  6. It was great to read that you had a pleasant weekend. Thumbs up!

  7. I wish I knew someone with the wit and charm to turn a complaint about slow service into a free meal. I think I might just about be able to turn a complaint into a black eye, though, although mine, unfortunately.

    • It was a pleasant surprise for sure! The service and wait time was borderline ridiculous, but the manager just offered it up without so much as a second thought. I think he knew his server was a complete idiot that was working our area.

  8. I think the downriver bridge should be named after me. What? Doesn’t EVERYONE know and love me? Well, I’m just devastated.

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