Making memories every single day!
The summer of fun has been rolling along! Miss Madison & the gang, Sloane, and I are trying our best to rewrite the rules of entertainment on a daily basis! Whether it be chasing badgers, trying to contact aliens via smoke signals, betting on the ponies, burying Russian legends, or recreating our own 14th-century experiences, boring is the last word I would use so far!
This is how we roll!
Things are going so great Miss Madison and I decided why not add one more to the mix! That’s right, readers, we have decided to bring a new child into our life……. not the two-legged kind. The good
masochists doctors from First Urology, PSC went medieval on me to ensure the baby production factory at Skipah’s Realm was mothballed! More like the four-legged kind! Calm down, crazy cat lady, the only felines we adore around here are tigers! Introducing Karma! I knew we were the proud owners of a new puppy the second I got this picture!
Miss Madison used to look at me like that!
Let the games begin! They were ecstatic!
Karma got her name for obvious reasons to some extent, but the real back story was her own little personal history. Since the skies that particular day decided to keep rain gauge manufacturers gainfully employed, Miss Madison and the girls had to reconfigure their pool plans. Always on the lookout for cheap and easy entertainment, Miss Madison decided a trip to the animal shelter was in order. Lo and behold, some wannabe breeder who had as much business breeding dogs as I do teaching an Economics class, finally figured out they weren’t cut out for the dog fornication business and was giving away this little particular black beauty right about the time Miss Madison and company paid a visit.
Umm, those paws tell me she isn’t going to be little for long!
Since Madison, Indiana is kind of like a modern day Mayberry, my dashing girlfriend knew the daughter of said breeder and since little Miss Karma hadn’t been processed or checked into the system, those two were able to work out a deal that went something like this.
MISS MADISON: “How much for the dog? By the way, I have animal services and the police on speed dial.”
BREEDER’S DAUGHTER: “Free, lovely set of girls you have there.”
MISS MADISON: “Thanks!”
Maybe not quite like that scenario, but once the girls got their hands on Karma, it was game over. Back when most of us were growing up, we called dogs like Karma a mutt. However, sometime in the 20th century some hoity-toity dog folks started their own dog Kama Sutra club and began crossbreeding Labradors with everything. Karma is no exception, as she is officially recognized as a Sheprador. That’s a symmetrical 50/50 mix of Labrador and German Shepherd. A 100% mix of lovable cuteness and a 1000% level of frustrating! I’m waiting on the genealogy report but I’m starting to think there maybe blood line back to Adolf Hitler!
I’ll take a whole daycare of babies in diapers before I have to potty train another dog. At the rate we are going, I’m going to be on a first name basis with Stanley Steemer representatives and have my own image hologrammed on a limited edition roll out of Bounty paper towels. More liquid has escaped her in two weeks than the lower Chicago Wastewater District! She drops a deuce quicker (inside of course) than playing a Deuces Wild video poker machine. Not just any deuce either, some of the worst smelling odors on earth have come out of this 15-week old black devil. I think Indiana issued an air quality alert yesterday alone for the stench emanating from our domicile!
No worries Mr. Park Ranger karma prefers carpet.
Thank you Miss Karma our dwindling levels of Resolve carpet cleaner needed a break!
Fittingly enough, the girls and I saw Secret Life of Pets last week, hold on Skipah is going off topic for a second! We all know movie theater concession prices rank between a vintage Corvette Stingray and the GDP of the Dallas/Fort Worth area. That being said if you have Carmike Cinema in your general vicinity, go there over all other options. The sticker shock of popcorn and drinks is still something that would induce a heart attack but they at least alleviate that initial hit in the wallet with free refills on all drinks and popcorn! Even better they had Diet Dr. Pepper! You can bet you ass I ate and drank my roughly $225.00 dollars’ worth of so00000da (that’s for my Wisconsin peeps) and Orville Redenbacher’s finest! Ok, back on point.
I mention the movie because the alpha dog (Leia) in our house hasn’t taken too kindly at times with the little bundle of nonstop energy. Not to post a spoiler alert, but these two dogs are very similar to the main characters in the movie. The twelve-year-old (84 in dog years according to the internet) cocker spaniel thought she would live out her glory years watching The Golden Girls reruns and eating overpriced Science Diet for her meals. Now she’s defending her turf like this house has become some East L.A. barrio. Karma grabs the wrong toy and it suddenly becomes a dog growl off. Karma gets too comfy with me and suddenly I’m being fought over like I’m the eligible bachelor at a Lambda Lambda Lambda social event. It’s all in good fun, Karma has the old one feeling snappy and young again, now if she would just show her how to walk to the door and bark once to be taken outside!
Go away you homewrecking skank! He’s mine!!!!!
About it for now, I think Karma just ate one of Sloane’s stuffed animals so I have to figure out a good cover story for that one. Hopefully, when I’m picking up poo in the next couple of days it will at least smell cotton fresh and not like Mongo (I hope I do not have to explain who Mongo is) after a pot of beans!