It’s felt like a prison around here lately!
Like a bad penny, this guy just keeps showing up! Remember me? Pull up a chair, grab your favorite snack (preferably something tastier than a Tide Pod), and let’s catch up for a bit. When we last spoke I was just easing into my new professional position, my future heir to negative millions was fast becoming the next William Tell, and of course Miss Madison and I had begun the arduous task of selling off the Skipah’s Realm Madison, Indiana headquarters for a return trip (for me) to my home area of New Albany, Indiana. Since it’s been over three months since I dusted off the keyboard and cleared the writing studio (kitchen table) of cobwebs. Let’s recap, shall we?
Professionally, I’m still working for an Amazon subcontractor. It’s fun, everybody I work with is a hoot, and I’m down 20 pounds since I started working there. For you habitual Amazon orderers, I’ve got three words for you, “KISS MY ASS.” Go to the store, meet people, talk to people, get off your damn computer, and quit ordering stuff. I don’t carry a Fitbit, but if I did, I would have flipped the odometer on it sixteen times by now from all the steps I take in a day. Actually keep ordering away #jobsecurity. Now instead of dodging Christmas decorations in front yards, I have to go into ninja mode to make sure a family’s Fido doesn’t leave its latest extractions on the bottom of my shoes. I spend more time surveying yards for vegan dog diets vs. table scrap dog diets than actually delivering packages!
No complaints though, it’s fun, nobody bothers me, and I get my business done accordingly. Just the stuff I see on a day to day basis should be a whole blog series. Coming soon (probably not, but roll with me here) Skipah’s Amazon delivery diary. Featuring the best and brightest from Louisville, Kentucky! I know I’ve poked one, two, or three trillion Kentuckian jabs on my blog in the past, but let me tell ya, driving in the state every day has only solidified 80% of them! #HoosierForLife until I hit the lottery then it will change into #HoosiersInAnnapolis, by the way, I’m offering a fifty dollar Amazon gift card if anyone can get my Annapolis hashtag trending on Twitter!
First day of spring, no I don’t live in Canada! It was freaking 70 degrees two days later!
As for my darling little daughter, she recently completed her archery season. A year ago she couldn’t even hit a target. Now I’m standing in front of them and she is shooting apples off my head. So obviously she is pretty good, right? Well maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but she steadily improved all year. By the end of the season she was in the upper half of girls at the elementary age. At regionals, she actually finished 28th out of 128 elementary age girls, and finished right in the middle of her age group at the state championships. Proud of her would be an understatement. I used to love to watch her play softball, unfortunately, the stupidity of youth sports drove her away from that. Seeing her shoot arrows and getting better at it every session, only makes me one proud dad!
My little girl isn’t so little anymore!
A funny thing happened though during the archery season. My ex-wife and I kind of sort of got along. I’m not talking something akin to the Paris Peace Accords, but caustic and bitterness took a back seat watching our daughter discover her love for the discipline of archery. Do I trust her? No more than I would trust a meth addict with my credit card, but not having to play a game of Gotcha anytime we were near each other was definitely refreshing. I guess time heals all wounds (actually they don’t I just wanted to sound all cliche for a sec), but she is at least open to Sloane coming to school in my home city…..and I’m sure that door is only a 1/10 of an inch cracked at letting my daughter attend school back in her home state. Which brings me to my last point on why I’ve been off the grid for so long.
Miss Madison and I have relocated to a three-story mansion in the aforementioned New Albany, Indiana. Even though we haven’t gotten our old house sold it was an offer too good to pass up. Four bedrooms, three bathrooms, a deck, and I can’t wait to work on my tan (Instragam photos to come this summer), with our new pool. Granted that third story is underground, but in this neck of the woods we treat Tornado Warnings like an annoying relative that we know we can’t get rid of, but unfortunately are part of our life.
The mighty Ohio River recently reminded everyone whose boss in these parts.
Now it’s is time for the ugly and nasty. I had to go silent, because people with intelligent factors that would rival a lab rat decided that moving a mere 45 minutes away were unacceptable. Nevermind they were in the loop from day one and waited until the last possible second to fight it. A better school district, vastly improved living conditions, and a chance for a fresh start was too much to bear.
I had to go through the fight of watching my daughter get relocated. It sucked and I was powerless to fight it. She ended up miles away in a Kentucky prison, I never even got a hearing on it because the powers that be said I had to pay $1500 to a hired mouthpiece or risk going to jail. That being said I had a full-time job and always provided my daughter with a place she could call home. My step-children do not have that luxury when they aren’t with Miss Madison and me.
Thankfully, the wheels of justice prevailed for Miss Madison (it only took three freaking months) and she was able to relocate her offspring to the booming metropolis of New Albany, IN. Granted they won’t get to enjoy all the perks of their new school district until next year, but a minor inconvenience at this point.
For the past three months, I’ve been on blog lockdown because if I learned anything when I was going through a custody hearing, family law treats freedom of speech like it doesn’t exist. So to make sure I did nothing to jeopardize Miss Madison’s case I literally just shut it down. I could have wrote daily updates, but why? Because I learned my lesson the hard way myself.
Worth mentioning the new house has not one but TWO fireplaces. Miss Madison is currently shopping for extra home insurance!
Thankfully this saga is over now, the Skipah is back to telling stupid jokes, waxing poetic on whatever is on his mind, and can’t wait to show my stepchildren and Miss Madison how living near a metropolitan area has way more perks than small town USA. Long story short I’m home again. Only now I’ve got the superstar kick-ass wife, two stepchildren that are quickly learning that retail options involve more than Walmart, and the possibility of having my daughter at least attend school here. Stay tuned!
About it for now, I promise the airwaves won’t be silent like this again for such a long period of time. Everyone that has reached out to me to make sure I’m still alive and kicking I thank you. In a million years I never thought this idiot and his passion for pounding keys would be this popular. Actually, I’m not it was more like my mom and some reader in England who accidentally found me on Twitter one night after too many bottles of Merlot. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do loyal readers and I’ll do my best to fill in the blanks!