Russian Online Nurses

It’s freaking May 21^st and I had to turn the heat on last night and tonight, Ohio Valley weather were only one season is prominent.  That would be allergy season of course, but guess what I’ve been chatting with a nurse online for a few days now.  She’s not just any nurse either she works for an ENT!  Today she gave me the best and brightest OTC products to use and said stay on the local honey.  If I can get through one day without looking like I took a punch to the eye from a Klitschko brother then hell I might just marry her!  Joke, joke, joke as of now no dating in the immediate near future (she works all weekend doubles up at the local hospital part time), but stay tuned.  Goodbye Claritin you useless bastard!  Hello Allegra and some nasal spray that I have to go to a handful of select stores to obtain.  I swear it’s easier to get meth in this part of the state now than some OTC drugs.

In an unofficial non-sanctioned Rasmussen style informal poll held by the staff at Skipah’s Realm we have determined the following in online dating:

• 50%-Women work in the medical field: nurse, admin, doctor (keep$ng f$ngers cro$$ed)
• 25%-Women work in academia: K-12 teacher, professors, pre-school/day care
• 8%-Women are hopeless romantics with no kids and think at age 38 they are going to find no baggage prince charming who will start a family with them.  (Look up miscarriage rates after age 35 miss)
• 4%-Women who are online PROS, not knocking them, but it’s like a damn job interview with no margin for error when talking to them. Usually well-educated also but that’s not a bad thing.
• 3%-Women who are gold diggers. Menial income looking for man with degree and six figures when all they bring to the table is good looks (and that’s debatable on some of them)
• 10%-Women who are like me clueless at this online shit, coming off a shitty relationship and just ready to move on but still finding our way in the online world. Work regular jobs and battle exes over custody and such.

This poll is extremely raw and the staff hasn’t really had enough time to mine the data but it was press time so I made the executive decisions as president, vice president, human resources manager, and staff janitor to go live with it.

Hammy on the other hand, I think wants to join the family because he has been having his KGB contacts send me Russian mail order bride info daily.  I keep telling him I’m not moving to Russia unless it’s the Russian or real version of Katy Perry and even then it’s not 100% for certain.  I mean the ruble to dollar exchange rate just isn’t worth it if I was married to a super duper billionaire.  Nor will he ever be free of my daughter torturing him.  I reminded him any old injuries should be healed by next month she hasn’t exactly been around much this month and all you do is sit around and watch Reds baseball and drink vodka and make wise ass jokes.  Wait a minute I just described myself minus the vodka.

The Reds though made up a half game today!!!!!  That’s major progress for a team that has lost five in a row and looked clueless doing it.  They had an off day today and the Cardinals lost so I think we are 83 games back already or 8.5 either way they have become painful to watch.  Our best pitcher one of the top five-six in the game is 3-4 with an E.R.A. that is among the league leaders.  Good bye Johnny Cueto it was fun watching you mature into a stud the last few years.  Hopefully the idiot New York Mets will overpay you and then you get to deal with the New York media also.  Or I hit the lottery this weekend find a group of investors and we fund  your new super mega contract off the Reds payroll and you can remain in Cincinnati!  O.K. any loyal reader I need you to click on any ad plastered on here and spend your life savings so I can keep Johnny Cueto as a Red if my lottery plan doesn’t work.  I’ll even go all puppy dog eyes on you.

I’ve got so much to cover tonight I’m splitting this up into two blog pieces because as one that reads a ton of blogs myself now it’s easy to lose interest when they run long.  So chew on this for a bit while I finish up the mandatory Sloane portion of my blogging life!