The staff at Skipah’s Realm had to take an unofficial holiday yesterday. The high powered web portal here crashed and burned (Google Chrome) and since it is well detailed how awful my internet sucks I wasn’t about to use Internet Explorer to get my blogging done. If that was the case I would probably still be on the welcome screen staring at and hour glass, pacing the floor, and inventing new adjectives for words that rhyme with duck. Finally got everything back in order this morning, so guess what LET’S DO A BLOG POST!
Hammy has spent two days in the hot box for his antics the other night so I can’t blame him for hacking my Google account (or can I), nor did I do any internet searches today to find out if this was a Google issue last night. A two hour system restore though did the trick and a quick run of some anti-virus yielded nothing suspicious. Did have a few weird search engines inquiries of: Hamster version of Sunny Leone, but Hammy insists he’s innocent. Since I gave up on my hamster porn fetish years ago maybe I do have a hack in the neighborhood (or a caught red-handed hamster) either way we’ve beefed up online security at Skipah’s Realm and now you would have to be a 10 year old Chinese prodigy or a member of CIA (That’s Central Intelligence Agency Kentuckian) to infiltrate my super computer!
In other news I’m actively shopping for a goat now. Screw mowing grass I’m going to let a goat take care of it. This week alone I’ve drained the gas tank and checked filter (perfect), check fuel line (good), put in a new spark plug, cleaned carburetor, and yet this machine that is practically brand new will not run. I’m out of options and have no idea why it won’t run. If the Billy goats don’t come through tomorrow my neighbor is going to let me borrow hers. This mower crap is getting about as frustrating as divorce was last year. A small part of me is starting to die inside seeing grass this tall. I’ve got enough clover right now to become a crash test dummy for whatever product Ortho and Round-Up are getting ready to debut. It sucks!
I did get me a new toy today though, and it didn’t cost me a frigging dime. Since I now have a dormant cell phone that I pay for that my daughter gets to use as a glorified tablet when she is here, I checked my account and it was eligible for an upgrade. Hello Samsung Galaxy 6! Where have you been all my life? I’ve barely gotten to play with it so far and I’m already in love with it. I’m sure Sloane won’t mind I took advantage of her upgrade. Matter of fact we will keep this our little secret dear reader. If anybody is in the market for an 11 month old Galaxy 5 with all the bells and whistles and was used in ninja operations last year let me know I’ll make you a sweetheart of a deal!
Cue up the Alice Cooper today because today was the last day of school. I had lunch with the blonde bomber and her merry band of accomplices one last time today. Felt like and end of an era for me. For the past nine months all those kiddos becoming my little buddies always made me crack up or put the biggest grin on my face. Sloane decided to eat at the CDC HAZMAT don’t get a peanut within 20 yards table today with one of her friends so I didn’t get to sit around my buddies but we all had one last round of pictures to send to their moms and dads and a few fist bumps along the way. Even sent her teacher a big thank you for looking out for my daughter all year and helping her excel in school in light of what was going on in her personal life.
(No I wasn’t consulted before the new hair cut)
Lunch didn’t go off without a hitch though as one of the older kids pulled the classic fire alarm prank right after lunch. Kuddos to him or her as I can appreciate a good practical joke as much as the next person. One of the mom’s and I were conversing while walking down the hallway and then all hell broke loose. Once the alarm went off all doors close and we were both stuck looking at each other like “What do we do now?” She started helping getting the kids out and I held the doors open so everyone could get out, then we checked on our own kids and figured this was a practical joke. School is kindergarten through 8th grade, I was in 8th grade once and by then pulling a fire alarm definitely crossed my mind once or twice I’m sure! There was no fire and no kids were hurt, they all just got an extra 20 minutes for lunch. Winner winner chicken dinner for all the kids!
Now begins the summer parenting schedule that means 50/50! My first crack starts Monday and Sloane is allowed to go to the Reds game next weekend as once again I used a little misinformation in the blog to prove that I still have a number one fan! Some people just can’t let me go, but that’s alright its Friday night so Tinder ought to get interesting. Let’s not forget that 28 year old teacher that sent me a message today, and things are still going (albeit) slowly with the ENT nurse. The bigger question though is, will I get enjoy all those second graders mature into third graders next year when lunch time rolls around! Stay tuned because this summer is going to be interesting. Now off to check the local stockyards (Kentucky unfortunately) for some goats.