Dating an eighth grade social studies teacher (new readers that would be Miss Madison) has tremendous advantages and a few disadvantages. The advantages are she is super duper intelligent, we share common interests in United States history & I get to say I’m with “her” when anybody asks to see a picture of her. After the proverbial pat on the back from friends and family I’m constantly reminded of the upgrade I’m beyond lucky to have met post divorce. I wouldn’t call it an upgrade, I’d call it going from a single wide trailer to a “Deluxe apartment in the sky (R.I.P. Sherman Hensley)”, anybody under the age of 35 is probably going to struggle to get that one!
The disadvangtages? I’m on the outside looking in on today’s current “hip” terms. I’m probably closer to a hip replacement than understanding tweenager language. Totes (totally), adorbs (adorable), and a myriad of other terms are beyond me these days. Miss Madison informs me she has to keep up with the lingo to be the “cool” teacher, and I completely agree with her or she has a TMZ addiction that has reached “mass critical.” All things considered though I will take an education in today’s terminology compared to what is going on with Sloane these days. I ache and cry over things I was powerless to prevent. More to come on that, but that is for another day, Skipah has another fundraising project to promote!
Last year I vowed to kick some ones ass in the The Girl Scout Cookie War, and I did. This year I’m getting fitted for a new pair of Everlast boxing gloves and going to kick some more ass! It’s fundraising season and my daughter wants a new tablet. I thought AT & T Santa Claus was delivering one for Christmas last year, but apparently the elves hit the moonshine to hard and the damn thing is still on back order. If somehow I can raise a $1000 USD for her Skipping with Sloane campaign for the American Heart Association she gets a brand new tablet.
Unfortunately I thought my 700 plus WordPress subscribers and thousands of email followers could all donate only a dollar and I would be able to be father of the year. However, the minimum donation online is an Abraham Lincoln (that’s a five dollar bill Kentuckian…yes the tall guy with a beard and big hat) so that plan was foiled quickly. So the new plan is click on that link throw Sloane a paper nickel and donate as your blog name. Japanese readers that is 604.71 Yen, and I’ll forget Pearl Harbor ever happened both the incident and the movie! Europeans that is 4.59 Euro and Skipah’s Realm will even throw in a box of Earl Grey tea. Canadians that is 7.02 in Canadian currency and I’ll throw in two free tickets to a random minor league hockey match. Kentuckian that is a can of Skoal and a refreshing Ale-8 give or take a few cents. Anyone that donates will get an autographed copy of my yet to be released novella on Hamster espionage rings and the biggest donator (assuming I get any) will get the keys to car for one day on my blog.
Lifestyle blogger, Parenting blogger, or even just another crazy Floridian (actually there are a couple of you), Skipah’s Realm is all yours for one day to post whatever you see fit. The only thing I would ask is please don’t send me a post about your favorite dildo or that one time at band camp. I hope I can raise enough cash for the American Heart Association and Sloane to get her a tablet, but if I don’t I sure in the hell better collect more money for Sloane than Tammy the Texting Tuna and others!
Help me win a tablet, I’ll make my dad quit taking so many pictures of me!
If you can’t spare the dough (and believe me I understand) please feel free to send this to any political connections you may have in Iowa today or better yet hit your rich uncle up on Twitter using #SkippingwithSloane. I’m sure he’s got nothing better to do but gripe about politics and talk about “the good old days.”