Can I get a ruling from the masses? Let’s lay it out here for a second, this blog, my personal little nirvana on the interwebs is coming under a full Pearl Harbor style attack from the former wife. I’ve got a fleet of Japanese Zeros and a navy of aircraft carriers parked on the exterior of my place just ready to strike. It’s a known fact she is my biggest blog stalker and once again if I don’t know you personally or socially you have no idea who the hell I’m talking about. You probably think I’m just some idiot with an unhealthy crush on Katy Perry. These are the facts. Why in the hell am I not allowed to raise 20,000 kinds of shit because my pictures still appear on her Facebook? I was asked today why she goes by a different last name by another long lost supporter and gave her the full story. Her next question is if she’s remarried (beautiful countryside wedding is the rumor) why does she still have your picture on their and not her new husbands? That’s a great question! So I’m now on a social media account pictured with farm animals and not even my last name. Do I have a case here or is it open season on posting whatever I want on my Facebook account. Survey says………………GET MY DAMN PICTURES OFF YOUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNT, I’VE NEVER PETTED A GOAT AND DON’T INTEND TO! Stay tuned on this one loyal reader, BTW I’ve got the old laptop still she doesn’t. Nuff said!
While that war still rages a new war began brewing today! I mentioned last night that the Syrian has arrived and she got to meet Sloane and Hammy today. It’s on is all I can say. The Syrian didn’t get some Middle Eastern name that only folks that are well versed in Arabic can fully understand. Nope she’s going to be known as Rosy from here on out. Rosy and Hammy can I have a Y Pat, Vanna are there any Y’s on the board? Round one went to Hammy, he’s the old toy now. He got to sit back in his cage after the initial stare down, and took off running in his car when he saw the weight difference, and drink vodka until he was belching the Russian alphabet and laughing at the absolute mauling Rosy was taking. Their cages are now next to each other so I can only imagine what crazy crap goes down during the day? Not sure how connected Rosy or who she is even working for yet but I did notice Hammy was setting up a catapult/mortar weapon of some sort, as for Rosy she will probably sleep all night in her heavily fortified two inch thick plastic igloo. This could be fun or the beginning of WWIII.
“Screw this I’m off to drink more vodka!”
Sloane and I when she wasn’t torturing Rosy, we were living it up like it was 1999. Gracefully deflected questions of why her mom is married and I’m not and proceeded to ride our bikes to the store for…….more cheap fireworks. It’s not the plutonium grade fireworks of a stand in Tennessee but she’s seven, and it’s not even July yet and this is what she comes to expect when with dad. Dad doesn’t need any encouragement to watch shit go boom, the fact he is expected to is more than enough for me. For less than five dollars a day we can launch smoke bombs, play with sparklers, and ignite crackling bombs every day. Single dad’s rule, well all dad’s rule but you married dads are in a different boat. You get to cruise the seas in a big nice yacht, us single dads tag along in a dinghy in your wake. We are all dads though, and we get our day this Sunday. Of course per my luck I get screwed again because I already have Sloane this week, so no extra parenting time for me this month.
“This way dad to the store!”
“I’m in the optimal viewing position!”
Yeah this is how Sloane and I roll during firework season!
You know what else is fun, when you are having an absolute shitty day at work and you can text a fellow blogger all afternoon with nothing but hashtags about 80s songs and movies. If you are a blogger you live in hashtag land, it’s how you get noticed. Coming up with creative hashtags is even more fun when the person you are doing it with picks up on them right away and counters. I’ve met an equal in pop culture from the 80s and early 90s, it’s intimidating and challenging but I’m up for it! She also better send me pictures from Pike’s Place Seafood Market this week!
About it for the night, I’ve got to get one drunk hamster to bed and put another one through rehab. It’s like having a kid all over again only hamster style. Rosy is already tapping out, looking at Hammy going how did you survive? Hammy’s response “Suck it up bitch!” I’m the alpha around here! It’s going to be spy versus spy for the foreseeable future! Five days left to donate to “Kisses for Karsyn” I’m up to sixty dollars so far and need a $100.00 to get Sloane a t-shirt. So since I know of at least 41 people that read this than 40 of you can donate a dollar! For every dollar donated from this point forward I’ll even pony up a quarter to the Great American Milk Drive ongoing with another fundraiser. That’s a dollar donated to my fundraiser and I donate a quarter to another fundraiser Kentuckians. In closing it was pointed out to me today by a friend that southern Indiana has plenty of hill jacks also, she was absolutely correct with her verbose. Not an apology to Kentuckians per se, but yes outside of my little Louisville suburb it’s get pretty ass backwards also 15-20 minutes from here. However you never hear Indiana used in an incest joke, Kentucky runs second right behind West Virginia, Hoosiers rule Kentuckians drool! O.K. Skipah is done pissing off half of America and beyond see you tomorrow! Time to catch fireflies with Sloane! #DadsRule